Chapter 55: You Bring The Best in Me
The car ride is awkward, I hold my clothes on my lap and stare out the window waiting to see if Harry is going to break the silence that hangs between us. He makes no move to speak so I pull my phone out of my purse. it's off, it must have died last night. I try to turn it on anyway and the screen comes to life. I am relieved to find that I have no new voicemails or texts. The only noise in the car is the drizzle of rain and the slow screech of the windshield wipers.
"Are you still mad?" He finally asks as he pulls onto campus.
"No" I lie. I am not exactly mad, just hurt.
"It sure seems like you are. Don't act like a child."
"Well I am not, I could care less if you want to drop me off so you can go hook up with Molly." the words tumble from my mouth before I can stop them. I hate the way I feel about him and Molly. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of them together. What is it about her anyway? Her pink hair? Her tattoos?
"That's not what I am doing. Not that it is your business anyway." he scoffs.
"Yea, well you jumped to answer your phone when I was about to...well you know" I mutter. I should have just stayed quiet. I don't want to fight with Harry right now. Especially when I don't know when I will see him again. I really wish he wouldn't have dropped Literature. He just pushes my buttons, every single one.
"It isn't like that Theresa." he defends. So we are back to Theresa?
"Really Harry? It seems like it is to me. I don't really give a crap anyway. I knew it wouldn't last." I finally admit to him and myself. The reason I didn't want to leave his father's house is because I knew once it wasn't just Harry and I, it would go back to this. It always does.
"What wouldn't last?"
"This...us. You being decent to me for once." I don't dare to look at him, that's how he gets me to turn to putty every time.
"So what then? You're going to avoid me for another week? We both know that by this weekend you will be back in my bed." he snaps. My jaw drops open. He surely did not just say that?
"Excuse me?" I shout. I am at a loss for words. No one has ever talked to me the way he has, no has has ever been so disrespectful. Tears brim over my eyes as the car slows to park. Before he can respond, I open the door, grab my things and bolt towards my room. I cut across the soaking grass and curse at myself for not taking the sidewalk, I just need to get as far away from Harry as I possibly can. When he said he wants me he meant sexually. I knew this but it hurts to let it soak in.
"Tessa!" I hear him call, followed by the sound of his car door slamming. One of Steph's heels drop and clamber to the ground but I keep running, I will get her a new pair.
"Damm it Tessa! Stop!" He yells again. I hadn't expected him to follow me. I push myself to run faster, finally I reach my building and run down the hall. By the time I reach my dorm room I am full of sobbing, and yank the door open, slamming it shut behind me. My tears mix with the rain and I furiously wipe my face.
I am frozen in place when I see Noah sitting on my bed. Oh god, not now. Harry will be crashing through the door any second.
"Tessa, what is wrong? Where have you been?" He gets up and rushes towards me. He tries to cup my cheek in his hand but I turn my head. Pain flashes in his eyes as if he is asking why I am turning away from his touch.
"It's...I am so sorry Noah." I cry as Harry yanks the door open, the hinges squeak and crack against his pull. Noah's eyes widen and narrow as his gaze meets Harry's. He back away from me with a horrified expression.
Harry tosses the high heel that I dropped onto the floor and walks further into the room. He doesn't acknowledge Noah's presence at all.
"I didn't mean that, what I just said." Harry steps towards me.
"That's where u were? You were with him all night? Are those his clothes? I tried to call you and text you all night and all morning, I left you countless voicemails and you were with him?" Hatred is laced in his voice
"You went through my phone didn't you? You deleted the messages!" I shout at Harry.
My head tells me to answer Noah but my heart is only focused on Harry.
"Yea...I did." He admits.
"Why the hell would you do that? You can answer Molly's calls but you delete my messages from my boyfriend?!" He winces as I call Noah my boyfriend.
"How dare you play these games with me Harry!" I scream, sobbing again. Noah grabs my wrist and turns me to face him, the Harry shoves Noah back by his shoulders.
"Do not touch her" Harry growls at Noah. This isn't happening. I watch as the daytime soap opera that has become my life unfolds in front of me.
"You don't tell me what to do with my girlfriend you prick." Noah spits back and shoves Harry back. Harry advances toward Noah once more but I grab his shirt and pull him back. Maybe I should let them fight each other, Harry deserves a good punch in the jaw.
"Stop it! Harry just go!" I wipe my tears. Harry glares at Noah again and moves to stand in front of me.
"No, I am not leaving this time Tessa, I have already done that too many times." He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair.
"Tessa, make him leave!" Noah begs but I ignore him. I have to know what Harry will say.
"I didn't mean what I said in the car, and I don't know why I took Molly's phone call. It's a habit I guess, please just give me chance. I know you have already given me too many chances but I just need one more. Please Tessa." he breaths. He sounds exhausted.
"Why should I Harry? I have continued to give you chances to be my friend over and over, I don't think I have it in me to try again." I tell him. I am faintly aware of Noah gaping as us but at the moment I don't care.
"I don't just want to be friends...I want more." His words knock the breath right out of me.
"No you don't." Harry doesn't date.
"Yes, I do. I do."
"You said you don't date and I wasn't your type." I remind him. My mind still can't wrap itself around the fact that I am having this conversation with Harry, in front of Noah at that.
"You aren't my type, just the way that I am not yours. But that's why we are good for each other, we are so different yet we are the same. You told me once that I bring out the worst in you, well you bring out the best in me. I know you feel it too Tessa. And yes, I don't date, until you. You make me want to date, you make me want to be better. I want you to think I am worthy of you, I want you to want me the way I do you. I want to fight with you, even scream at each other until one of us admits we are wrong. I want to make you laugh, and listen to you ramble about classic novels, I just...I need you. I know I am cruel at times...well all the time, that is only because I don't know how else to be. This has been me for long, I have never wanted to be any other way. Until now, until you." his voice is half a whisper and his eyes are wild. This is so unlike him, but the way his words came out in a rushed string and the heavy breathing that accompanied them somehow make it seem natural. I am dumbfounded.
I am not sure how I am still standing after his declaration.
"What the hell? Tessa? Noah says frantically.
"You should go." I whisper, not breaking eye contact with Harry.
"Thank you! I thought that was never going to end." Noah says.
Harry looks heartbroken, absolutely crushed.
"Noah, I said you should go." I repeat. I hear Harry and Noah both suck in a sharp breath. Relief washes over Harry and I reach for his hand, threading my small fingers through his trembling ones.
"What?" Noah shouts. "You can't be serious Tessa, we have know each other so long, this guy is just using you. He will toss you aside as soon as he's done with you, and I love you. Don't make this mistake Tessa." He begs. I feel for him, and it hurts me to do this to him but I know I can't be with Noah, I want Harry. and Harry wants me. More with me. My heart flutters again and I look at Noah.
"I would stop talking. Now." Harry warns Noah.
"I am so sorry that it happened this way, I really am." I tell him. He doesn't say anything else, he looks broken as he leaves my room. I know he left because he didn't want to cry in front of Harry.
"Tessa..I..you really do feel the same way?" Harry gasps and I nod. How could he not know this by now? I had thought I seemed desperate and obvious with my feelings.
"No nodding, please say it." despiration fuels his words.
"Yea, Harry I do." I say. I don't have a beautiful of meaningful speech like him but those simple words seem to be enough for him.
The smile I received from him heals some of the pain I feel from breaking Noah's heart just moments ago. I am still reeling from what Harry has just said. It is everything I wanted him to say, but never imagined that he actually would.
"So what do we do now?" He asks, "I'm new at this." he flushes. This feels like a dream.
"Kiss me." I say and he pulls me to his chest, his hand fisting the loose fabric of his shirt on my back. His lips are cool and his tongue is warm as it slips into my mouth. Despite the chaos that just occurred in my small room, I feel calm. I somehow know it is the calm before the storm but right now Harry is my anchor. I just pray that he doesn't pull me under.
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