Chapter 44: Well I Am Not You
I open the passenger door and climb into Harry's car. No matter how hard I try tried to avoid seeing him all week, I somehow ended up in his car with him. He doesn't look at me while I buckle my seat belt. I tug at the dress again, trying to pull it over my thighs. We sit in silence and he pulls out of the parking lot. I am so relieved that he didn't allow Molly to ride with us, I would have rather walked home.
"What's with the new look?" He finally asks once we are on the freeway.
"Uhmmm...well Steph wanted to try something new with me I guess" I answer him but keep my eyes fixed on the buildings passing by outside the window. His normal screaming rock music is playing quietly through the car.
"It's a little over the top don't you think?" He asks and I ball my fists on my lap. So this is his plan today to insult me the whole way back to my room.
"You didn't have to drive me home, and I don't know you were coming otherwise I would have never come" I lean my head against the window, trying to create as much space between us as possible.
"Don't get so defensive, all I am saying is your little makeover is a little extreme.
"Well good thing I don't care about what you think, but I am surprised you don't think I look better than before considering your distaste for my usual appearance" I snap and close my eyes. I am already exhausted from being around him and he is sucking the little bit of energy that remained from me.
I hear him chuckle quietly and he turns the radio off completely.
"I never said there was anything wrong with your appearance, your clothes yes, but compared to these clothes I'd much rather see the hideous long skirt" He tries to explain but his answer doesn't really make sense. He seems to like when Molly dresses they way only much skankier, so why not me?
"Did you hear me Tessa?" He asks and I feel his hand touch my thigh. I jerk away from his touch and open my eyes.
"Yes, I did. I just don't have anything to say about it. If you don't like the way I am dressed the don't look at me" One good thing that comes from talking to Harry is that for once in my life I can say exactly what comes to my mind without worrying about hurting his feelings, he has none.
"That is precisely the problem here, isn't it? That I can't stop looking at you" the words leave his mouth and I consider opening the car door and burling myself onto the freeway.
"Oh! Please!" I laugh. I force myself to find the humour behind him touturing me the entire drive. He will say just enough nice yet crytic things and then take them back and throw more at me.
"What? It's true. I approve of the new clothes, but you don't need all this makeup. Regular girls wear tons of makeup to look as good as you look without it" he says. What? He must have forgotten that we aren't speaking, that he tried to ruin my life less than a week ago, and that we despise each other. That last part I am still struggling with.
"You don't expect me to thank you do you? I half laugh. He is so confusing, he is brooding and angry one minute and telling me I don't need makeup the next.
"Why didn't you tell them the truth about Liam and I?" He asks, changing the subject.
"Because you obviously didn't want them to know"
"Still, why would you keep my secret?
" because they are not mine to tell"
He looks over me with hooded eyes and a slight smile on his lips. "I wouldn't have blamed you if you did, considering that I did with Noah"
"Yea, well I am not you"
"No, you are not" his voice is much quieter. He remains silent for the rest of the drive and I do the same. I have nothing to say to him, well I do but it's best if I just stay quiet. We finally pull onto campus and he parks in the further possible spot from my room. Of course.
I reach the door handle and Harry's arm touches my thigh again.
"You're not going to thank me?" He smiles and I shake my head.
"Thanks for the ride" I say sarcastically. " You might want to hurry and get back to Molly" I add as I climb out. I hope he didn't hear me, I am not sure why I even said that.
"Yea...I better, she sure is fun when she is drunk" he smirks. I try to hide the fact that I feel like he just punched me in the stomach. I learn down to look at him through the passenger window and Harry rolls it down.
"Yea, I am sure she is. Noah is coming down anyway" I lie and watch his eyes narrow.
"He is? Harry picks his fingernails, a nervous habit I assume.
"Yep, see you around" I smile. I hear him get out of his car and shut the door.
"Wait!" he says and I turn around. "I...never mind, I thought you uhm dropped something but you didn't" he says and his cheek flush. I know he is lying and I want to know what he was going to say, but I have been able to avoid him all week, I am trying to get over whatever has been going on with us. I need to walk away now, so I do just that.
"Bye Harry" The words mean more than I let on. I don't look back to see if he is coming after me because I know he isn't.
...
I take the heels off before I even get to my room and walk barefoot the rest of the way. The second I get into the room I put my fuzzy pajamas back on and call Noah. He answer on the second ring.
"Hey" I squeak. My voice sound too high pitched, it is only Noah, why am I so nervous?
"Hey Tessa, how was your day today?" He asks softly. He doesn't sound like the same distant Noah that I have been talking to all week. I sigh in relief.
"It was okay actually, I am just hanging out tonight in my room, What are you doing?" I purposely leave out my dinner with Steph and everyone including Harry. That will not help my "please forgive me" campaign.
"I just got out of practice, I am just going to study tonight because I am helping the new neighbors cut a tree down tomorrow" he is always helping everyone. He is too good for me.
"I'm just studying tonight too"
"I wish we could study together" he says and I smile whilst picking at the tiny lint balls on my fuzzy socks.
"You do?"
"Yea, of course Tessa. I still love you and I miss you. But I have to know that nothing like that will ever happen again. I am willing to try to put this past us but you have to promise me you will stay away from him" he says. He doesn't have to say his name.
"Of course, I will I swear" I promise. Part of me knows that I am only desperate to have Noah forgive me because I don't want to be completely alone and fawning over Harry but I ignore it.
After exchanging "I love you's" Noah agrees to accompany me to the bonfire next weekend and we get off the phone. I look online for the closet car dealership to campus, I will be taking the bus so I need to stay within a few mile radius, lucky for me there are a good amount of used cars lots ready to rip off colleague students. I dig through Steph's makeup bag and finally find the wipes to remove all my makeup. It takes forever, this action alone makes me never want to wear it again, regardless of how good it is.
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