Chapter 6: Understanding
Once at home, the girl's father spoke to her. He said he knew what she was going through. It had happened to him too, he also despaired when his mother died. He knew. He just knew.
The girl felt her anger welling up. What! Just because you've been through a similar situation, gives you the right to know? Who the hell decided that! Every situation is different, every person experiences it in his or her own way. Yet, some adults think that just because they're older, they're naturally wiser. They've been through more, they can relate. They know.
However, does knowing give them the right to stop understanding? They don't try to see past what they already know, only aiming to show they were the same. Well, jokes on you! It's not the same! The girl wanted to just punch her father's worried face.
But she understood all she would do was hurt the both of them, so she ran to her room. What the hell! She punched her pillow as hard as she could, screamed as hard as she could. The tears didn't stop flowing and her frustration didn't let up in the slightest. She hoped that maybe this way she could break her voice. She wouldn't have to talk to others. Maybe this way, she could make it so that others wouldn't want to be with her anymore.
The silence in the room wasn't heard through her screaming. She wanted the deafening silence to shut up. Leave her alone, she wouldn't be lonely, she would be alone. The darkness of her room was as calming as can get. But this place to be alone was part of something someone else owns. In the truest form of the word, being alone was nearly impossible, because you always brought yourself with you.
Maybe death was the only way to part, but it has never been confirmed what happens after death, maybe it'd be even more crowded, maybe it'd be as alone as she wanted it to be.
However, the more alone you get, the harder it is to be with others, some might think with a sense of superiority that they don't need other people to live, but somewhere they would know, there was no more turning back. Or it would take the might that they lost somewhere along the way. Over-dependence wasn't completely right, but total independence also wasn't. You need others, but you hate it when they want to be with you. You think you're a better person that way. But in the end all the girl could do was go out of her room when her panic-attack was over. Somehow the feeling of wanting to live was always hiding in a corner where she couldn't see it.
But she still wanted to understand that living was fun.
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