Chapter 4: Chapter 4

Shalmak(This place is so different something I could have never experienced in a city not because I lived in a city but because I never wanted to I never leave my home . Maybe I wanted to a little but my desire was not strong enough I indulged in pleasures which would grant pleasure only in short term but justified them with "its pleasure anyway whats long term or short term live in present". It was very hypocritical since I always dreamed about future tried many things but did not do see through them to the end not because I had weak will power but I thought about them after doing them for sometime and felt the reason I started doing them did not matter enough anyway. I was disconnected with reality .I would play games connecting my self with protagonist thinking I am stronger then you in game that would bring me pleasure. At that time I also thought it was useless but then everything else is equally useless anyway. I would feel superior thinking about people chasing useless things ,so dumb so naive. I viewed and still view people I know as people rest are just npcs. For some reason I thought would not feel bad after sacrificing my arm for some i know nothing about but I will never sacrifice my life for thousands of npcs. I can live without a arm but I can't live without my life why sacrifice it nothing matters anyway if you are dead. How would be people doing now that I am dead probably sad.I was not able to repay my parents.How will they live)