Chapter 10: Relief

"Izuku, Izuku, Izuku, Izuku, Izuku…" the voice carried pure relief and guilt in spades.

Katsuki felt pure elation crash through his entire being, as well as the proportionate surge in guilt. Izuku had never felt as solid to him as he did then. When he was unconscious, Katsuki had felt like Izuku would just slip away from his grasp in a split second.

The moment Izuku had called his name, he had quite literally never heard a voice sound so sweet and soothing to his soul. It almost felt like the angels had descended from the heavens and taken root in Izuku.

Thinking about how he could have lost Izuku had he been even the slightest bit too late or hadn't tried stem the flow of his blood loss, he felt the tears well up again.

He was so fucking relieved.

Katsuki could atone for his wrongs, as well as whatever else he had caused the leadup to this, but he wouldn't have had the chance had Izuku never regained consciousness.

Katsuki felt the tears that he had been holding back spill over without any hope of repressing it again. He had tried to hold it back, but he wasn't able to do it. Even though he still didn't think he had the right to cry, his body had a mind of its own. His voice had gained a slightly wet quality due to his emotional state.

The angle of him leaning over Izuku whilst hugging him was uncomfortable, but it didn't even register in comparison to how he had needed Izuku in his arms.

He choked off his words, burying his face in his friend's hair. He didn't want Izuku to see him like this.

Katsuki tried to hold back a sob, and ultimately failed. He drew in a ragged breath. His cheeks were wet. Tears were dripping down into Izuku's hair. His eyes were stinging. His nose felt sour and blocked. He took solace in the fact that Izuku was in his arms. Izuku's presence soothed him.

He felt Izuku push him away before sitting up and placing gentle hands on his face. His thumb brushed away the trail of tears from his cheeks.

"D-Don't cry, Kacchan," he heard. "If you cry, I'm going to—" Izuku broke off, tears welling up in his eyes.

Izuku broke down, partly influenced by Katsuki's emotions.

The two of them cried in each other's presence, not bothering with the fact that they were still in the hospital.

"You f-fucking idiot," cursed Katsuki. "Of all things, why did you try suicide." The tears that had been trailing off came back in full force.

Izuku let out a wet laugh, ignoring his question.

Katsuki grabbed his hand, and looked him in the eye, gripping it hard. "Don't you dare do that again, you hear me?"

When Izuku didn't respond, Katsuki felt a surge of panic and fear that Izuku wouldn't respond with an agreement.

"Promise me," he insisted.

Izuku closed his eyes, turning his head away.

"S-sorry, Kacchan. I can't promise you that."

Katsuki felt the panic growing stronger.

"Please. I'll do anything you fucking want me to, but you have to promise me that you won't try to take your life again."

Izuku let out a sob, shaking his head. His hand clenched in the bedsheets below.

The arrival of the doctor interrupted them.

Katsuki waited outside sullenly, pressing his palms to his eyes, suppressing the tears. He needed to be in there with Izuku. The doctor hadn't cared. He'd tried to protest, but when Izuku had told him to leave as well with a soft voice, he had complied unwillingly. Fucking bastard of a doctor, Katsuki thought uncharitably. He knew the man was just doing his job, but Katsuki couldn't care less at this moment.

The moment the doctor exited the room, Katsuki immediately entered, feeling relieved when Izuku was still seated in the same position as before, not looking any different.

He knew that it was practically impossible for Izuku to disappear the moment he left his sight, but Katsuki couldn't help how he felt. No matter what he told himself, there was still a lingering voice in the back of his mind that told him Izuku would just slip away silently.

"Izuku," he said seriously. "Don't avoid the fucking topic."

The fact that Izuku said he couldn't promise him meant that Izuku still had thoughts about ending it all. That was plainly unacceptable to him.

He honestly couldn't feel reassured unless he got Izuku to promise him. Izuku always kept his word, no matter how hard it was.

When he received no response, Katsuki felt the tears that he had successfully stopped in the duration he was outside flow out again.

He grabbed Izuku's hand, placing it on his chest. "You can feel my emotions, can't you?" Katsuki paused. "You said so in your letter. Can't you feel how I'm feeling right now?"

Izuku put some pressure into his fingertips, almost as if he could physically feel Katsuki's emotions from his hand.

"Yes," he whispered, voice low and unbelieving.

"Please believe me," Katsuki said, pouring his emotions into these three words. "I will never do anything to hurt you again. Please, Izuku."

When Izuku didn't do anything but look away, Katsuki bit his lips. He felt raw. Izuku had been the only one to bring out such intense emotions from him even when he was young. What he was feeling now was several times more intense than the panic he had faced earlier.

Katsuki sat by him silently, until Izuku looked him in the eyes again. The other teen's eyes were red-rimmed, and his cheeks were red. Tear stains were the only evidence anyone needed to make a conclusion on what had happened.

Katsuki mirrored Izuku's earlier actions, brushing away the tears from Izuku's freckled cheeks. He felt achingly desperate and protective over this small figure in the white hospital bed.

His heart ached.

The amount of pain he had caused, he could never make up for, but he could make a solemn promise to himself that he would try his best to give Izuku happiness.

Katsuki gave a self-deprecating laugh. Talk was cheap, but he would prove it with his actions, or his name wasn't Bakugou Katsuki.

He narrowed his eyes in determination.

He would give Izuku happiness in life, even if he had to trade his.

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