Chapter 9: THE FRIVOLITY OF HUMAN NATURE

Holding a burning stick of cigarette between the pointer and middle fingers of his left hand, Hua Zhendan looked at the screen of his ringing phone, checking the caller ID.

He felt his chest tighten when he realized the caller was Shen Rui. He was still mad at her for earlier, but try as he might, he could never bring himself to ignore her calls.

With a sigh of resignation, he dragged the phone icon that was oscillating in the middle of the phone to the right and picked the call. Drawing a mouthful of cigarette, he spoke into the cell with a tired voice, "Ma?"

"Da Zhen..." the voice at the other end hesitated. It sounded like she wanted to say something but couldn't decide if she should. Shen Rui continued, "You sound tired."

Hua Zhendan didn't reply. He could sense that she had something to say but wanted to bide his time. He exhaled the smoke in his mouth and drew in another mouthful, waiting for her to speak.

"What are you doing?" Shen Rui asked.

Hua Zhendan exhaled the smoke in his mouth and paused before answering. He had the urge to say, I'M HAVING HOT GAY SEX, MA. Resisting it, he said, "It's night, ma. I'm preparing to go to bed."

"I see," Shen Rui said.

Hua Zhendan was starting to lose his patience. He threw the half-burnt stick of cigarette in a glass ashtray. He picked up a new stick of cigarette and lit it. "Did you want anything?"

"Da Zhen..." Shen Rui paused.

Hua Zhendan glanced at the person sitting beside him on the bed. The person's demeanor was calm, but he could sense his impatience. The person was probably scrolling through his phone to cool his heels. "Ma, I'll call you tomorrow if I'm free."

"You always say —"

Shen Rui was starting to protest but was interrupted by Hua Zhendan. "Ma, bye. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

The voice at the other end sighed. "Okay. Goodnight."

Without bothering to reply her, Hua Zhendan ended the call, threw the new stick of cigarette in the ashtray, then lit a different one.

When Hua Zhendan had left Shen Rui, although he had said he still had work to do, neither did Hua Zhendan go back to the office nor did he go back home. He wasn't in the mood to work.

What he wanted — what he needed was someone he could vent to. The only problem was that he didn't have any such person in his life.

He had dated Qiu Dawei throughout the four years he had spent at Brown University. Since he had a boyfriend, he hadn't bothered with keeping the handful of male friends he had back then. Even if he had wanted to, he couldn't because Qiu Dawei had been a tad too insecure.

As for female friends, that was out of the question as Hua Zhendan himself had been a tad too insecure. He trusted Qiu Dawei, but he also knew Qiu Dawei had had a girlfriend in high school. Before Qiu Dawei had known he was gay. What if one of his female friends caught Qiu Dawei's eyes and he realized he wasn't gay after all?

Now, Hua Zhendan knew it was silly, but back then, when it came to Dawei, he had never really thought things through with his head, but rather, his heart. It was a mistake he couldn't repeat.

Moreover, if something had bothered him in the past, he could always talk to Shen Rui about it. They had been that close. If it were something he couldn't share with Shen Rui, he could talk to Qiu Dawei about it, thus eliminating the need for 'friends.'

Unfortunately, when his relationship with Qiu Dawei ended, his friendship with Shen Rui also did.

In the past four years, Hua Zhendan hadn't met anyone he could accurately describe as a friend.

Knowing this, he had booked a room in a high-class brothel called JIAXIANG, and given Cheng Jian a call.

Hua Zhendan turned his head to the side, looked at the man who had barely given him a glance since his arrival, and sighed. "Say, Xiao Cheng. Don't you think I'm pitiful?"

Cheng Jian didn't reply him. In truth, he did think Hua Zhendan was pitiful.

When Cheng Jian had received Hua Zhendan's call, he had been apprehensive about meeting him up. At that moment, he was standing with an old friend with whom he shared his misgivings.

"Was that your boyfriend?" his friend, Lan Haiyang had teased him.

Cheng Jian had nodded.

Although Lan Haiyang hadn't seen Cheng Jian in a while, he was able to guess accurately that the caller was Hua Zhendan. Only Hua Zhendan's call could suddenly turn Cheng Jian's pretty face sour.

Lan Haiyang had chuckled. "I really don't get you. If you dislike him this much, why do you still go to him when he calls?"

"I just think he's pitiful. Forget his inexplicable loyalty to me. Nowadays, he doesn't even have sex with me. He only talks my ear off. He's lucky I'm the only one he calls, no-one else would be able to tolerate his rubbish."

"What does he talk about?"

"Who knows? Do I listen to him?"

Lan Haiyang chuckled again.

"Forget about him, what are you doing here?"

"That... Laoban sent me to deliver something to Da Laoban. Since I was here already, I thought I'd check on you."

"So, if something doesn't come up, you won't come to check up on me?"

Lan Haiyang chuckled. "You know it's not like that."

"Seriously Lan Haiyang, why won't you move to Jiaxiang? Even if you don't want to make big bucks, do it for Da Ge. I miss you."

Lan Haiyang tapped Cheng Jian on his shoulder. "It's not that easy. This place may be called Jiaxiang, but that place is my home."

Cheng Jian's phone vibrated. He checked the caller. It was Hua Zhendan again. Cheng Jian gave Lan Haiyang a longing look, like he hated to part from him, then said, "Let me go meet him. A person who comes to a brothel to 'talk' is capable of suicide. I don't want his blood on my hands."

Lan Haiyang smiled. "Okay, bye."

"Don't be a stranger, Haiyang." With that, Cheng Jian had said goodbye to Lan Haiyang and hurried to the room Hua Zhendan was in. He did think Hua Zhendan was so pitiful he would consider suicide.

Deciding not to rub it in, he had kept quiet when Hua Zhendan asked if he didn't think he was pitiful.

Hua Zhendan didn't take Cheng Jian's silence to heart. He was quite used to it. He had known him for almost four years, after all, met him in that underground brothel the first time he decided to patronize 'that' kind of service.

Hua Zhendan remembered that night clearly. It was the night a half-naked man had opened Qiu Dawei's door when he knocked, destroying any illusion that he and Qiu Dawei would get back together. That night, he had decided that if Qiu Dawei could fuck someone else, then he also could.

He had gone to that underground brothel with a heavy heart, uncertain he could pull off fucking someone else. Nevertheless, Cheng Jian's beauty had caught his eye. The sex hadn't helped him get over Qiu Dawei, but it had made him feel like he could go on with his life. In a way, Cheng Jian had saved him.

Then, Cheng Jian was younger and humored him when Hua Zhendan would come over, and ask specifically for him. They would fuck, then talk until they used up the hour. Naturally, when Cheng Jian moved from the underground brothel to Jiaxiang, Hua Zhendan followed him. However, the older Cheng Jian got, the colder his attitude got. Hua Zhendan didn't mind though. He knew what many people — including Cheng Jian himself — didn't know. Cheng Jian's cold demeanor was only a facade. Deep down, Cheng Jian was a sweet person who cared about the people around him.

Since the night of the eve of Spring Festival, although Hua Zhendan still went to Cheng Jian when he needed to talk, however, he refused to touch him. It wasn't because Hua Zhendan wanted to stay chaste for the stranger he had met at the bar, it was because, if there was a slight chance that after sex, Cheng Jian felt the way he had felt that night, then he didn't want to be the reason for that.

"Say, where did you spend Spring Festival?" Hua Zhendan asked.

Cheng Jian gave him a cursory look, turned back to his phone, and continued scrolling through it. "At home. Where else would I spend it?"

Hua Zhendan bit his lower lip. It seemed he was the only person who didn't spend the new year with his family. "Xiao Cheng, I want to ask you a question."

Hua Zhendan got no reply from Cheng Jian.

"Xiao Cheng," Hua Zhendan called his name. "We've known each other for a while now. You can say we're friends, right?"

Cheng Jian, still scrolling through his phone, said, "Your definition of what a friend is, is quite peculiar."

"Say," Hua Zhendan continued, indifferent to Cheng Jian's indifference. "When you have sex with a customer. And they don't call back, how do you feel?"

At this, Cheng Jian dropped his phone, and turned his attention to him, "I wish some customers won't call me anymore."

Hua Zhendan immediately understood that he was the SOME CUSTOMERS. He knew Cheng Jian too well after all. Undeterred, he continued, "So I met someone —"

"Are you paying by the hour just so you can talk? You really don't have friends, do you?"

Hua Zhendan frowned. "It's my money. Why does it bother you?"

Cheng Jian shrugged. "You have a point. It is your money. I don't know why I let it bother me before." Cheng Jian leaned against the headboard and lit a stick of cigarette. "Da Ge, pour out your heart to me."

"Well," Hua Zhendan said, ignoring the sarcasm in Cheng Jian's voice. "So I met someone..."

Hua Zhendan proceeded to narrate everything that had happened that night to Cheng Jian.

"So, you fell in love with him at first sight?" Cheng Jian asked. He had told Lan Haiyang that he never listens to the things Hua Zhendan says, but that was absolute nonsense. Truthfully, he always listens.

"I didn't fall for him. I just — had a moment."

"Then why are you still thinking about him?"

"Well, there are two things I can't wrap my head around. First, I don't understand how anyone could be that cold —"

Cheng Jian chuckled. "Zhendan, before that guy, you've only been with two men. You dated one of them for four years, had casual sex with the other for four. Even though you're in the entertainment cycle where everyone is manipulative, deceitful, and malicious — including your mother, you're kind of naive. Usually, people aren't kind."

Hua Zhendan shrugged. "I'm not kind either. I just don't think I could do something to harm another person deliberately because it benefits me. How people can do that is what I don't understand."

"Well, what's the second thing that bothers you about him?"

"I still haven't been able to figure out who he reminded me of."

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