Sweetener (GirlxGirl)

The author tells a raunchy tale of two high school girls, just out of each other’s orbits; set on a course to collide. The switching POV is done well to let’s us get both sides of the story, which I’m surprised isn’t a more common thing in romance stories, but that’s an aside. The other characters we meet remind us that Blair and Whitney aren’t in their own world and make up this town of Belleview. Blair commands an interesting use of High English without sounding anachronistic or cringey. No doubt a result of her upbringing. The juxtaposition of her advanced vocabulary to Whitney’s more plain speech is a good way to distinct their narratives. I was quite surprised by the elevation in the mature nature of the story, I just binge read this so I don’t remember the exact chapter but I remember there not being any curses; to the characters cursing in conversation and internally and that explicit wet dream. Not that it’s a problem or anything I just noticed the nsfw dial being turned up a notch so to speak. You make it work well. Overall, your sentence fluidity is very good and you smoothly tell the story; there’s a few instances where I’d suggest different words and there are only a couple of spelling errors but those don’t negatively impact the readability of your story. You’re very brave for opening up about your eating disorder as it reflects on Whitney’s being. It’s done without romanticizing it or playing it down as a minor thing as eating disorders can and have ruined people’s lives; I feel many writers give a character an eating disorder as just a means of adding a layer of trauma to to them without fully realizing the damage it can do. But you address quite well. To wrap this review up, this is quite the interesting story and I’m eager to see where it leads to; I get the feeling that this is gonna have some more twists and turns and you’re gonna take us readers through the wringers before the main characters get together. I look forward to reading more, and from a fellow writer I applaud you for updating regularly. Can’t wait to read more!