For you...

Yes I did beat a boy who tried assaulting me and I did beat him aggressively. I bet him so bad that he was lying in a hospital bed. But our school saw a clear footage of him assaulting me and favored my side claiming it as a case of self defense. But the students weren't convinced, just because he was the "popular guy" and I was like a girl who barely had one friend. I was bullied a lot. I became so socially anxious that I experienced nausea and panic attack I went to school or any place with a lot of people. My parents went on their separation that year though they later reunited. But it was always like this one time they separated so the other time they reunited. I felt like a 'bet' being passed from one place to the other like no big deal. I never felt any place to be my home because all of them told me that it was not somewhere I belonged to, it's just because of their kind hearts they were keeping me at their place. I was just a person of sympathy to them. They told me don't you have any shame on being raised at other people's house? But I knew this people to be my family right, we were related by blood and relation. But no all that matters to people in this world is them and their own needs. There was a not a single day I survived without humiliation and pain. They insulted and blamed me like I was responsible for anything that has ever happened, but wasn't I too a victim just like them? I didn't asked to be brought to this world, I did not create this mess and neither can I resolve this mess. It was they who brought me to this world, they created this mess not me. But why I'm always the worst sufferer? I remember that year my father left for his new job abroad and my mom went on to live with her mother. Communication in our place was not that developed and I did not even have a cellphone. I barely ever talked to them, it was rare for them to call me up. I missed them terribly, but my stubborn self would never let that out of my voice while talking to them. I felt so lonely. After that incident I had no one to talk to. All my friends abandoned me and took the boy's side as they thought I was ridiculous. I dreaded going to school. I had bad anxiety which still haunts me like nightmare till this day. I felt abandoned and lost, I felt so lonely that I cut almost all my contact with the outside world. I went to school on a irregular basis and soon everyone started taking a notice of my condition. I almost gave up talking with people. I was diagnosed with social phobia and depression. I was medicated through years. But today as I stand here at this place at this instant with the people I have, I feel blessed, I feel fulfilled and completed as I truly feel that this people are meant to be for me in my life. They didn't not disappear into the thin air when I truly needed them. They stood beside me being my strongest support. And at this moment I truly feel that I don't miss Robin that much anymore, because I feel the gratitude of being close to people who really appreciate me. Robin can never get this close to me, but saying those words over in my mind, I felt suddenly a stroke of sadness passed through me. The feeling of never-ever that fuels my insecurities and anxiety so much more. But this moment wasn't supposed to be about me and Robin, it was a about Van and Veronica but it somehow ended up with the sadistic old chimes of my pathetic story about my crush. This moment of forever I created with Van and Veronica will be imprinted in the pages of memory book for an eternity, as the thought of it crossed my mind a smile made it's way into my face, maybe this was high time for a change to happen, maybe everything is gonna change after all.