Chapter 2: Half sober. Half wasted. Calex
"I finally am back." I said to myself ng nag land na ang plane na sinakyan ko pauwing Pilipinas. Meet the old me, Calex Von Alvarez, 20 years old. Half sober. Half wasted. I was expecting na hindi ako ipasusundo ni dad sa airport, I mean, I knew he was angry with me for leaving everything behind without even talking to him. Sino ba namang ama ang hindi magagalit sa ginawa ko, I dropped out of school and pumunta sa Scotland ng walang paalam, I lived there for 9 months, doon na kasi naka base yung lola at lolo ko, my mommy's parents, kaya mas madali akong naka alis. Ewan ko ba noon, basta na lang nawala ang gana ko sa pag-aaral and I felt everything was falling apart ever since my mom died.
Palabas na ako ng airport and I almost called a taxi cab ng may tumawag sa akin. Nang pagtingin ko ay si mang Elias pala, kumaway siya sa akin at ng nakita niyang nakatingin na ako sa kanya, he ran towards me.
" Calex boy! " he shouted while waving his hand.
" Mang elias kayo po pala, kamusta po?" I asked.
"okay lang iho, welcome back ha! siya nga pala pinasusundo ka ng papa mo" kahit hindi niya na sabihin sa'kin yun, alam ko na pinasusundo ako ni papa, he tapped my left shoulder and smiled at me and I knew what it meant, despite of what I have done, my father still cares.
"ah, ganun ho ba, sigo po tayo na." I walked towards the car.
"akin na yang mga bagahe mo." kinuha ni mang elias ang navy blue na maleta ko at pinasok sa sasakyan and I was a bit ashamed when I saw the car's fixed . The last time I saw it sira ang bumper nito kasi nabangga ko sa sobrang kalasingan.
" sige, salamat po." I went in into the car and he started driving.
When I was inside the car, hindi ko maiwasang napaisip sa sinabi sa akin ni mang elias na pinasusundo ako ni dad, I did not tell dad I was going home, it was my lola who told him. My grandparents never hated my father, but ever since my dad married Tita Angela, naging distant na sila lola at lolo, but I know deep down inside they still care for him. Actually hindi pa sana ako uuwi sa bahay, I was planning to stay at Jessica's , my girlfriend or ex na siguro, or hindi naman kaya kina Bernadette, my other ( ex) girlfriend. Sige aaminin ko na, I had the boy next door image back then and I still have it now, pero masisi niyo ba ako kong kusang ang mga babae ang nag kakandarapa na maging girlfriend ko. It was not even my fault kung pinanganak akong gwapo,( ahem) So back with my father, yun nga, hindi pa sana ako uuwi kaya lang wala na akong nagawa, kasi nga pinasundo na niya ako, and I know sooner or later I have to face him and explain what i did, which I thought hard kung paano ko e-explain ang lahat sa kanya. My father is a strict yet funny person. He's focused on achieving a goal on a certain age. He plans everything ahead, i usually see him carrying his mint green planner everywhere he goes.
But before it happened, I grabbed the chance na tanungin si mang elias, since siya ang personal driver ni daddy and a close friend too and I had like hours to ask him everything before we get home. So I did.
" hay naku calex alam mo ang traffic dito hindi pa rin nagbabago. hooo!" I was looking outside the car at talaga nga namang sobrang traffic. My hands were on my lap and I kept on pressing my fingers on my ripped denim pants that my friend from Scotland, Seri, gave me. At first, I was hesitant to ask him and thought of just let it go and stay quite or sleep the whole ride, and maybe because I was not yet prepared to hear the answers but as soon as I decided not to ask him, all of a sudden I uttered the words.
"mang elias galit pa po ba si daddy sakin?" I asked gently.
" ewan ko iho ha, pero baka...hindi na siguro kasi pinasundo ka niya sa akin di ba?" Pangiti na sagot niya. But it doesn't mean na pinasundo niya ako ay hindi na siya galit sa akin.
"I hope so." I said and cracked a little smile.
"Alam mo kasi Calex, hindi mo naman siguro masisi ang daddy mo kung magalit man siya sa'yo, kasi ama mo yun. Ganun talaga pag ama ka, ayaw mong may mang-yari sa mga anak mo."
He's got a point, pero sa mga panahon na yun, hindi ko na alam kung tama o mali ba ang ginawa ko, ang alam ko lang nun gusto kong lumayo sa kanila. Yung galit na daladala ko ang naging dahilan kung bakit hanggang sa mga panahong yun hindi ko naibalik ang relasyon namin ni daddy, just like how it was before when my mom was still alive.
Sa sobrang himbing ng tulog ko hindi ko namalayan na nakarating na pala kami sa bahay and nagising na lang ako sa lakas ng sigaw ni Eunice.
"Kuyaaaaa... I miss you! hali ka na baba na diyan." She circled her arms around my neck at niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit na para akong nasasakal and then pulled me out of the car.
" oo sige, baba na, teka lang." once I got off out from the car, I rubbed my neck na medyo masakit kasi na sobrahan yata ang pagkayakap sa akin ni Eunice, para siyang lalaki o di naman kaya sobrang mahina pa ako nuon kasi I was asleep for about 2-3 hours. I grabbed and embrace her tightly and said to myself na talagang na miss ko siya and her loud mouth.
" hanggang ngayon nakakabingi pa rin ang boses mo." I teased her.
" ah, ganon!? Di baleng maingay at least maganda naman." She said and placed her arms at her waist like a ramp model.
" wow at sinong nagsabing maganda ka?" I laughed teasing her.
" agrrr..I hate you kuya! si papa kaya nagsabi sa akin and I'm like one of the famous girls in our school."
" okay, okay ikaw na! oo nga pala sinong nasa loob?" I asked.
" si mommy lang, si daddy nasa Batangas may project sila duon eh. Baka mamayang gabi pa yun darating."
" ah ganun ba!? Pasok na tayo." Sabi ko kay Eunice who was looking at me with a teary-eyed and I said to myself maybe she missed me big time talaga.
When I entered the house, well it was the same, ang kwarto ko ay nandoon pa rin sa itaas, sa may left side next to Eunice's room. Lassi "the lazy cat", was still of course sleeping at her purple sofa-bed cushion, ewan ko ba kay Eunice kung bakit she chose to have a pet na walang ibang gawin kung di matulog at kumain, mala prinsesa pa ang bahay ng pusa. I was about to go directly upstairs when I suddenly heard tita Angie came from the kitchen.
" hi calex, kamusta? How's the flight? " she asked.
" okay naman po." Sabi ko at pagkatapos biglang tumahimik si tita, I don't know maybe she did not know what to say anymore. I mean we were not that close before at siguro she felt like I was tired and not in the mood for a little chit-chat.
" akyat ho muna ako sa kwarto" I said to break the silence.
" of course, go ahead take a rest muna." Sabi niya sa akin sabay papunta balik sa kusina at nakita ko sa mata ni tita na she was happy that I was back but it did not matter to me that time. hindi naman ako galit sa kanya, I just did not like her acting like my mother or was trying to be a mother to me, na ba-bad trip ako when she tried to fix my room or help me in my assignments, mas gusto ko pa nga na si yaya lorna ang tumulong sa akin kahit hindi siya marunong mag English or di kaya si mang elias basta huwag lang si Tita.
Habang paakyat ako sa kwarto, narinig ko sila sa kusina na pinagusapan kung ano kayang gusto kong kainin for dinner, so I stopped walking ang listened to what they were talking and I think tinawagan ni tita si nana cora. she was our maid before nung nabubuhay pa si mama and now she lives in Batanes kasama ang kanyang pamangkin, sila rin ang nagbabantay sa rest house nila mama doon. Alam ni tita na aside from my mother, si nana cora lang ang nakakaalam ng mga favorite food ko.
I went up to my room and when I opened the door parang feeling ko lumaki ang kwarto or it was like they repainted it, siguro dahil na rin sa 9 months akong nawala, kasi ever since before dad met his new wife, ganito na ang histura ng room ko. Dad wanted to change the designs, painting and all those stuff pero hindi ako pumayag. I mean, it was like a room of a 10 year old boy, the wallpaper is an Eto rangers characters, I loved that Japanese cartoon series so I asked daddy to change it from neverland inspired wallpaper to that now, and he actually bought it from Japan kasi I kept on begging him na I want those characters on my wall. And everything in that room is so precious to me because it was the only place that I feel loved and safe after mom died.
I was holding onto the things that reminded me of my mother, lahat ng pwedeng itago, tinago ko, they say na after 1-2 years pwede na daw ipamigay ang personal belongings ng isang taong patay na, like clothes, shoes, bags and other stuff. When my granny visited us 5 years ago, she packed all of my mother's dress, purse and etc. , and planned on having a garage sale. By the time I saw her carrying the bags full of mom's dresses, nag beast mode agad ako. kinuha ko ang mga ito at tinago sa kwarto and I yelled my lungs out, and calling names because I did not want anyone to get rid of my mother's memory from me, not when I am still alive .Those things were like her, each and everyone of them is my mom. And it was so hard to let go of those, especially when, I, myself have not yet let go of her at that time.I did not want to forget her like what I thought dad did.....
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