HER – HE'S THE WEIRD ONE
Aah, look at him… Aya sighed inwardly, shaking her head. Across the room, that familiar boy was still acting the same. Despite their conversation yesterday, Aya was still confused. Could it be that it's because I never liked a boy? She thought for a moment before murdering that thought. No, it's him! He's the weird one here!
Classes soon ended and Aya, once again, slowly walked over to his seat, without waiting for others to leave first. That girl and her boyfriend were planning a date, while Tyson was pretending as if it had nothing to do with him, but Aya saw despite those desperate attempts, that the little puppy was dying.
"You're an idiot." she said in her usual, flat tone. Tyson jumped slightly as he nervously looked at her. "Come with me." she said.
"Eh? You know her Ty?" that girl asked curiously.
"Eeh? Do I? I wonder…" Tyson replied nervously.
"Huh? So our day together meant nothing to you? Even though I let you see all of me?" Aya said. Heh, I may not have had a boyfriend, but I've watched a romance drama yesterday just for this!
"Eh? You're terrible Ty!" the girl exclaimed, looking angrily at him. Tyson wept and wailed, inside of course, cursing this deadpan girl that approached him. "I didn't think you were that kind of a guy!"
"Ha, ha, o-of course not!" Tyson quickly put his notebook into the backpack and got up. "L-let's go my love. I-I was just teasing you, he he. See you tomorrow guys," he waved at his two friends. "Have fun."
He locked Aya's arm into his own and nigh sprinted out of the classroom, holding tears back the best he could. Aya sneered inside, proud of her actions. She let him drag her out of the university and into a nearby coffee shop, where they sat into a silent corner.
"… you said I'm an idiot, right?" Tyson asked.
"Because you are." Aya said plainly.
"Be that as it may, you're definitely a bigger idiot than I am."
"Hm? How come?"
"Do you know what those words even mean?" Tyson asked. Wait, does he really think I'm an idiot?
"Of course I do."
"Okay. Let's retrace it back a bit. Where'd you hear them anyway?" he asked.
"I watched a TV drama yesterday." Aya said honestly.
"… forget idiot. You're an imbecile."
"I beg to differ."
"I'm 100% certain you don't have an inkling of an idea as to what those words mean." Tyson said with certainty.
"Of course I do." Aya said plainly. "They mean that you are quick to abandon me even if we went out on a date once."
"… how the hell did you even infer that?! Is your brain alien-wired?!"
"Oh? Then, do enlighten me, oh 'cool' person." although she used sarcasm, nothing about her changed. Not the tone, not the expression.
"… ah, nevermind. Somehow I'd feel bad if I was the one to burst your bubble." Tyson said after short consideration. "Anyway, why'd you come up to me today? Wasn't your curiosity sated yesterday?"
"It was." Aya nodded. "But I was wondering why were you still pretending despite the fact that we concluded it to be utter nonsense."
"Oi! If I could change with a press of a button, do you really think I'd be in this position in the first place?!"
"Can't you?"
"Okay, answer me honestly: who beamed you down here? Wait, that's wrong. Which socially retarded idiot did program your AI?!" Tyson flared out slightly. Hm? Is he angry? Why? Did I do something to make him angry?
"No one beamed me. Like all other humans, I was born. Besides, science isn't advanced enough for a humanoid AI. Even if you're majoring literature, you should know at least that much."
"… you're doing this on purpose, right? Right? Please tell me you're setting me up on purpose! Otherwise, this is outright depressing!"
"What is?" Aya asked, honestly.
"Oh my God!!"
"What's wrong? I didn't take you for a religious person."
"… ah, I see." Tyson sighed dejectedly, his eyes suddenly bursting with denial. "It's just a prank, right? There are cameras all around, and this is just a prank? Ha, ha, got me! That was some good acting there, wei—hey, what the hell's your name anyway? You never told me."
"It's Aya." Aya said bowing down lightly. "Nice to meet you, Ty."
"It's Tyson."
"But that girl calls you Ty."
"Are you in love with me?"
"Hm? I don't think so."
"… aah, I can't. This is only a second time I'm talking to you, and I'm already tired of playing the straight man."
"If you'd like," Aya proposed honestly, still expressionless. "I could play it until you feel better."
"Do you even know what straight man is?" Tyson asked.
"Isn't it a guy who prefers girls sexually?"
"… I'm done."
"With what?"
"… with everything…"
"That's bad."
"YOU DON'T SAY!"
HIM – I BEFRIENDED AN ALIEN
I'm fairly certain, Tyson thought, glancing at the distant Aya. She's an alien. Those words may seem far fetched, but Tyson didn't think them up out of the blue. He had gone out with the girl called Aya twice in the past two days, and both times he felt as if he was interacting with an other-worldly being; that's to say, an alien. Alien desperately trying to act like a human. How do I prove it though?
Unbeknownst to him, for the first time in a while, he wasn't daydreaming about Emma during the class, much less actually paid attention to the class itself. Wait, I saw some guy point at her and call her 'kuudere'. Is that a species of aliens? I should google it when I get back home.
"Hey, what happened with that girl?" Emma suddenly leaned back and asked him with angry expression. Dammit alien! This is the first time she's been angry with me for years!! It's all your fault!
"Ha ha, it's just a misunderstanding," Tyson waved his hand nervously. "She's… uh, mentally challenged, so she mistook me for someone."
"…"
"… yeah, heard it the moment I said it." Tyson sighed, lowering his head. "But, seriously, nothing happened. We just went out on a date once, that's all."
"Twice."
"… yeah, I guess."
"So, you think you'll keep seeing her?" Emma asked, smiling wryly. Goddammit, why are you so cute even when you're trying to get me together with another woman?! Goddammit god, this is unfair!!
"No way, no way," Tyson refused nonchalantly. "I mean, she's everything except my type."
"Eeh? She sure got you flustered yesterday," Emma said somewhat absentmindedly, turning back around. "I've never seen any other girl do that to you." That's because you never read my thoughts! Look! I'm flustered as shit here because of you! Wait, of course she did! She nearly caused you to think I'm some sort of a player! … please, love me!
"…"
Tyson had made a quick and abrupt decision: he would never interact with that woman ever again. I said that, so what the hell am I doing drinking coffee with her yet again?!!
To rewind, Aya came to him yet again after the classes were over. He was just about to reject, when Emma accepted for him. How could he, a guy who's been lovestruck for over five years, reject a request from the girl he was desperately in love with? Of course he couldn't. Aah, I really don't have a spine to speak of…
"You really are a coward, aren't you?" Alien! Seriously, you're an alien!
"… you think so?" Tyson said, sighing. "I suppose I am. Wait, how'd you conclude that?"
"I read a book yesterday," Aya said, somewhat proudly. "First Loves for Dummies. You're a textbook example of a 'desperate guy in love with his childhood friend that's too scared to say anything about it'."
"Burn that book."
"Why?" Because it's way too on point, dammit! When did romance guides get so accurate?!
"Just do it."
"Okay."
"You're rather obedient."
"That's only because… it's you who's asking me."
"… what?"
"Ah, so you're also 'the guy who gets easily flustered when a girl shows interest in him'. Interesting."
"No it's not! Burn that shit!"
"But why?"
"… ah, whatever," Tyson sighed, lying his head down onto the table, holding the tears back. "Emma is playing with my heart, you're playing with my head. Is there no justice in this world anymore?"
"How am I playing with your head?" Aya said, tilting her head sideways. "I don't think I've ever touched it, actually."
"Do you eve---wait, I already gave up on being a straight man here," Tyson quickly recovered. "So, why'd you come up to me today? Are you still confused over my conflicting personalities?"
"No."
"Then why?"
"I just wanted to talk with you."
"Why?"
"Because you're interesting."
"Just to be clear: you aren't in love with me, right?"
"No."
"You don't have a crush on me?"
"No."
"But you find me interesting."
"Yes."
"Alien! Definitely an alien!" Tyson cried out.
"How rude." Aya said, still expressionless. "I'll have you know that I was born the same way as you."
"Sorry, I already wrote your backstory inside my head. A meteorite crashed into the north pole twenty odd years ago, and when rocks shattered apart, a strange, glowing egg appeared. Soon after, a human-like thing was born, and because Eskimos are nice people, they taught it the ways of the human. But, as the thing was an alien, it had trouble grasping it truly, so Eskimos sent it to attend school far away. Insert today's occasion. The end."
"I came from my mother's vagina, just like you!" Aya said, her tone somewhat different. Eh?! Her tone changed? Fuck! It's adapting!!
"… wait, aren't you embarrassed to say that out loud?"
"Why? It's just a fact."
"… yeah, but still. No, wait, it's perfectly normal, actually."
"Of course it is."
"You're an alien, after all. Common sense doesn't apply to you."
"You still don't believe me?"
"No."
"Then feel free to inspect my body." Aya said in a flat tone. "I'm sure you'll find nothing out of the ordinary."
"…"
"What?"
"Fuck! I can't stop being a straight man here! Are you nuts? Forget alien, even alien would know better than this! You're definitely an AI made when seven mad scientists got drunk one night and decided to have fun with the world!"
"No I'm not! I'm telling you to inspect me to clear your doubts!"
"Stop, please, just stop. Stop trying to be human."
"…"
"Aah, the tigress is back."
"…"
"…" Yup, I definitely need to avoid this bundle of issues from now on. Until the end of time.
HIM – ALL OUT OF STRAIGHT
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!! Tyson was in despair. He was depressed. He even contemplated suicide for a moment, but then felt bad because of people who were actually depressed. The reason, cause, root point, anchor, everything for his mood was, obviously, Aya. How? Let us rewind.
Tyson felt all the glances (glares) Aya shot at him on the fourth day since they met. Whenever he'd look at Emma, Aya would glare at him. Whenever he'd sigh nonchalantly and look out the window, he felt the maws of a tiger bite down on his worthless head. Barely able to concentrate on the class, he kept on promising himself to never, ever, ever again talk with that woman.
"Hey, Ty," Emma spoke to him as the classes ended, causing his eyes to flutter to the ninth dimension. "Jared and I were talking," Of course you were! "And we realized you never properly introduced us to that girl."
"Eh?" No, no, no, no, no, no--
"So we were thinking about going to double date with you guys." SHUT UP JARED! WHEN DID YOU EVER THINK ANYTHING FOR FUCKS SAKE?!
"Sure." naturally, Tyson flashed his most brilliant smile as he readily agreed. And, as if summoned, Aya was already next to him.
"Double date? Okay." is all she said when asked. Reject! Have some respect for the love o—oh what the hell am I getting roused for. Screw it.
So, Tyson and Aya took the lead and led Emma and Jared over to the coffee shop near the university, sitting in the corner seat and ordering four coffees. Emma was wearing plain, white top and jeans, and as if to match her, Jared wore the same. Dammit, look at his muscles! Tyson sneered inwardly, his expression of utter tranquility.
"How long have you two been dating?" Aya asked casually. Wait?! Does this alien know of proper socializing?!
"For two years," Emma said, smiling. "But, I think we've liked each other much longer, right?"
"Yeah, I've actually had a crush on her ever since I met her." Tyson was depressed. Sad. Suicidal. Bleeding. And when Aya paid him a sneering glance with her deadpan face, he literally felt something inside of him break. "It's actually thanks to Ty we're together." Oh god stop! Please!
"Really?" Aya asked, shooting him another glance. You stop too, please! He begged with his puppy eyes, but to no avail. The table was rather odd; on one side sat happy couple, retelling their lovey-dovey story, and across them sat an alien with a deadpan expression and a cool-looking, aloof guy who was murdered twelve times inside in the past two minutes.
"Yeah," Emma said, smiling. Goddammit, she's still beautiful! "The three of us were celebrating a birthday of one of our friends, but I guess he got pissed with how pissy we were about each other, so he got us blackout drunk and probed around 'till we gave in." Don't remind me of my greatest regret, please!
"Ha ha, yeah," Jared laughed innocently; after all, he was like a two meters tall ninety-five kilos child. "I think he even punched me. That fist really woke me up! He was like a real man!" … oi, you're doing this on purpose? Aren't you bastard?!
"So, Aya, what do you think of our little Ty here?" Emma asked, smiling wryly. Hey, what little?! I think I'm pretty ave—khm.
"… hmm …" say something normal, say something normal, say some-- "He's pretty interesting." Aya said, still as expressionless as a dead cat.
"He is, isn't he? Truth be told, he wasn't always this cool," Tyson could practically hear Aya's sneer in her eyes. "He was pretty nerdy back in the day."
"Ah, yeah, he used to read tons of books and watch those robot movies!" Jared added innocently. No. Comment.
"I would have never guessed." Aya said.
"Yeah, we actually used to copy his homework all the time. I think that's why we barely managed to enroll here…" Emma said, smiling nervously. "What about you Aya?"
"What about me?"
"Do you like books?"
"Yes."
"Do you like robots? I think they're great! Like men of metal!" Shut up Jared! Go die you bird-brain muscle-head!
"You've been pretty silent, Ty," Emma turned toward him, looking at him somewhat angrily. "Are you displeased we interrupted your date? Ah, sorry for wanting to see what my friend's new girlfriend is like."
"…"
"What are your impressions, then?" Aya asked casually. Don't go with it! Refute! Act embarrassed! Do something for fucks sake!
"You two are pretty alike," HOW?! "You both keep your emotions in check," Emma said. "And, I don't know, just look like the type to have all the answers in the world. It's pretty cool."
"You don't have to sell me anymore," Tyson finally said his first words, grabbing Aya's hand and casually kissing it. "I've already been purchased." Oh. My. God. That was soooo lame!
"I feel like I got the bargain price." Aya chimed in, still expressionless, kissing his hand as well. "Boyfriend and friend in one." It is one!! It's in the name!!
"Ha ha, I'm glad!" Emma said, smiling. "Most of his relationships quickly fall apart because he acts so cold toward other girls! I'm so glad you understand him!"
"Oh, I understand him alright."
"Well, we should be on our way." Emma said.
"But I wanted to talk with Ty more!" Jared complained.
"You can do that later," Or never! "Let's give them some space. Sorry Aya, for intruding like this."
"It's fine. It was lovely meeting you."
"Ha ha, likewise. See you Ty."
"Bye bye."
Hand in hand, Jared and Emma left while glancing back and giggling like schoolgirls. As soon as they left his field of view, Tyson's head plummeted onto the table and he finally understood the true meaning of the word defeat.
"Are you ok--"
"Get out." Tyson interrupted her.
"Why?"
"…"
"See? You have no proper reason. So I'll stay."
"Seriously, get out. Or I might actually end up in prison for life as of tomorrow."
"Ah, a subtle threat!"
"Good, you understand. Now get out."
"You were pretty cool back there." Aya teased expressionlessly.
"Yeah, and you were normal."
"I am normal."
"No, no you're not. You're Ayien."
"Please don't use my name to make a bad pun."
"It's not a pun. It's a name of your species."
"It's rude nonetheless."
"So? What if it's rude? Why do you have to act normal in front of others?! Be weird! That's the only solace I have in my life right now!"
"That's sad."
"I know! Don't say it out loud!"
"My mom told me about a new cake shop nearby. Want to go and check it out?"
"Your treat?"
"No."
"Is the waitress cute?"
"What's that got to do with the cake?"
"EVERYTHING!!!"
"… is this an odd attempt at the whole 'cake is a lie' thing?"
"… why do you get that reference, but you can't make your face strain a muscle?"
"Innate gift."
"Just get out."
"You get out with me. To the cake shop."
"Forget killing you. I'll just kill myself."
"Can I watch?" FUCK!
HER – EMBARRASSING
Aya was leading the way in silence as Tyson followed her. Although still expressionless, she couldn't help but feel slight joy over what just transpired. Even she herself didn't understand just why, but seeing him put up a front in front of others that crumbled the instant the two of them were alone made her slightly happy.
The cake shop she mentioned was roughly ten minutes away from the coffee shop, and as if by silent agreement, the duo took the corner seat, ordering some simple, fruit cake that seemed popular.
"Hm, the place is pretty empty," Tyson said, glancing around. "Didn't you say it was popular?"
"I never said such thing." Aya said calmly.
"No, I'm pretty sure you did."
"You're far too young to be suffering from dementia."
"Hey, don't go around giving me another mental issue! I've already got a roomful of them." Doesn't it hurt him, saying those things? "Damn, that one hurt." Oh, it does.
"My dad is a therapist, if you're interested." Aya proposed.
"… so, you're already ready to ship me off to lunacy ward, huh? How cruel of you."
"I was being considerate. Didn't you understand that?" He shouldn't be that stupid. He's among the top in the class, after all.
"… why do you sometimes understand sarcasm, and sometimes don't? Alien. Definitely alien!"
"How many girlfriends did you have, anyway?" Aya asked, curious.
"… what's with that abrupt change in topics?"
"I'm just curious."
"I can see that."
"And when I'm curious, I ask questions to satisfy that curiosity."
"Your deadpan act is starting to piss me off."
"Act?" Aya tilted her head sideways. Does he think I'm like him?
"Wait, aren't you like me?! Pretending to be something you're not?" Oh… how cute.
"I'm afraid I'm not that childish," Aya said, expressionless still. "This is just how I am, how I've always been."
"…"
"What's with that shocked to core expression?"
"… what's with this sudden surge of motherly feelings inside of me? Why do I suddenly feel like giving you a hug and telling you it's all going to be okay? Is one of your alien powers to turn people all mushy?!" … wh-what is he talking about?
"Am I strange?"
"Of course you are! People emote! All the time! That's how we can tell others how we're feeling, without telling them how we're feeling!"
"Isn't it easier to just tell them how we're feeling?"
"That's just embarrassment waiting to happen!"
"How so?"
"Wouldn't you feel awkward if I suddenly told you that my heart has been wreathed in flames of utter despair and anguish ever since Emma and Jared started dating?"
"No, I already knew that."
"Exactly, because I emoted those feelings on my face!"
"That's cumbersome. Why are people like that, anyway?" Aya said, taking a bite off the cake. "It's better when people just say how they feel. It leaves no room for misunderstandings. The reason your love life crumbled is because you 'emoted' instead of just being honest, both with yourself and her."
"… aaand, that motherly feeling just puffed away." Tyson said, sighing. "Even though you aren't technically wrong, you did miss one thing." he looked out the window, his expression somewhat dejected. "It's very hard for people to open up. That's why fake smiles, laughs, faked interest and all those things exist. It's much easier to pretend for five minutes than to tell someone to screw off."
"…" Is it really?
"Are you really always this blunt?" Tyson asked her, taking a bite.
"Yes." Aya said honestly.
"Aah, I guess that's not a bad quality," Tyson said, smiling weakly. "But, you need to find the right people for it."
"Are you the right person?" Aya asked, tilting her head yet again.
"Ugh, far from it," Tyson waved his arm. "I get extremely flustered when people suddenly open up to me, and even worse when they talk about what they really think of me. I'm self-conscious like that."
"… it's kind of amazing you actually know that."
"Hey! Even if I'm an idiot, at least I know myself!"
"However, I don't understand why you're pretending to be something you're not." Aya said, lowering her head lightly.
"Of course you don't!"
"After all, to me, you're much cooler now than when you're looking out the window during the class…"
"…"
"What?" Aya asked, her expression still deadpan.
"You just said something really embarrassing! Shouldn't you be blushing like crazy right now?!" … no, you're blushing plenty enough for both of us. Geez, if someone from the class saw you right now… ha ha…
"I just said what I thought," Aya said, finishing up her cake and getting up. "Besides, it's more fun for you this way, isn't it?" Tyson looked up, somewhat shocked, as Aya began walking toward the counter. "Anyway, I have to get going. You entertained me, so I'll pay for the cake. Treat me to some coffee tomorrow."
"Hey-wait—I never said-- aaand, she's gone. Aah, that girl is a headache. An alien. Definitely… yeah, definitely an alien…"
Aya walked out of the cake shop and turned the corner, quickly disappearing. Beneath her eyes, her usually pale cheeks suddenly flushed lightly. Aah, now that I think about it, that really was embarrassing to say… wait, in the end he never told me how many girlfriends he's had. Ah, whatever, I'll just ask tomorrow…
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