Chapter 14: THE INCOMPLETE LOVE

After requesting Shakir to take my marriage proposal to the Maulvi's house, when I returned home that evening, I noticed that the Commissioner was extremely angry. While I was going upstairs from the lounge, I was halted by his loud roar. "Stop here." I stopped there. Mother, brother Sajjad and his wife Abrina also came out of their rooms. Father was present there with all the arrogance and pride of a Commissioner while I stood before him with my head bent like a B class criminal. "So you won't go to London?" "I'm ready to go to London if you make amends for the misbehaviour shown to Maulvi Alimuddin in this house. "What!" roared the Commissioner. "So you want that Retired Commissioner Amjad Raza, who has access even to the President house, should apologize to an ordinary Maulvi. Just forget it." "Then all of you should also forget that I would ever act upon any of your instructions." As I started going upstairs, the Commissioner roared again with all his wrath and fury. "Perhaps, you're forgetting the fact that only my orders and instructions are acted upon in the house under whose roof you are living. In other words, I was being indirectly threatened that if I refused to comply with the Commissioner's orders, I would be expelled from the house. I was not particularly surprised at this warning, because, while he was in office, the Commissioner must have been expelling the criminals from his town and city exactly in the same manner. Moreover, I had committed the most heinous crime, that is, the crime of love and this crime has never been considered pardonable. I was standing in the courtroom of my family as a criminal of love. I turned and looked towards the Commissioner. "Does it mean that I'm no longer entitled to live in this house?" Mother looked worried. Perhaps, she was apprehensive that things were not going in the right direction. "No my dear son, why should we want any such thing to happen? We only wish that you should remove the thought of that girl from your mind." "I believe that it's easier for me to leave this house than removing her thought from my mind and heart." I started going towards the main gate in order to go out. Mother shouted from behind me, "Hammad, What stupidity it is!" In a scornful and contemptuous manner, the Commissioner thundered again. "Let him go. In a day or two, he'll become aware of the prices of things and the meaning of living away from the comforts and luxuries of home. This prince of ours, who has spent his whole life drinking mineral water, sleeping in air conditioned rooms and enjoying the service of a battalion of servants, has not yet seen even a single glimpse of the difficulties and hardships of the outside world. Let him remain outside the home for a single night and you'll see that he'll automatically get rid of this demon of love. He doesn't even know how to walk properly. Tell us Mr., are you capable of going to the place where you wish to go or should I ask the driver to take you to that place?" I turned towards the Commissioner. "Parents should teach their children how to walk. It's an unfortunate thing that you haven't taught me how to walk but time is a great teacher. It teaches a person even those things which his parents have forgotten to teach him. Sooner or later, I'll learn how to live without your servants, air conditioners and mineral water. Even if I fail to learn such things, rest assured that I won't come to you for help." Mother continued to shout; brother Sajjad was dumbfounded while in a state of extreme frustration and agitation, Father kept on emitting smoke from his pipe. All the open ways of the city lay in front of me and over my head was the blazing sky. I did not know where to go. Father was right to say that I had never gone out of the house on foot. I had seen every road and street of the city only through the wind screen of my cars of the latest model. That day, while walking on these paths on foot, I was for the first time realizing their length and their scenes. It is said that everyone talks of changing the world but no one makes any serious attempt to change himself. It was the day when I had started the efforts to change myself. Sitting for a long time on a bench in a park, I contemplated on this totally changed situation. I had thrown away my ATM card in front of the members of my family in the lounge while I was leaving the house and now, I had only a few hundred rupees in my pocket. I wondered how these rupees had remained in my pocket. Evening was slowly descending into the park and those people who were strolling in the park or relaxing there, had started going home one after the other. In a short while, the park became empty and at the time of the Maghrib Prayer, the watchman of the park came to me and informed me of the closure of the park. It was obvious that he wanted to tell me that the park had to be closed and, therefore, I should also go home. But on that day, I had no home at all, so where to go? The building which I had considered to be my home since my childhood, turned out to be the court of the Commissioner, where I could live only as long as I submitted myself to his dictates. I suggest that at the start of each year, all such parents should tell their children to fill in a contract form, having all the terms and conditions pertaining to their stay with them. These terms and conditions should be read out to their children annually so that they may never make the mistake of regarding that building as their home. Darkness of the night was now descending on the roads where the heavy gas lamps placed on the carts had been lit. While walking on the road, I saw the gate of the Government Civil Hospital. I could still remember that during childhood, on our way back home from school, Kamran and I used to stop here, because my uncle was working as civil surgeon in this hospital at that time. After crossing the hospital, one could see a road leading to a square. My school was situated next to the square. Whenever we went to the uncle's office, we used to make a lot of noise in the long corridors of the hospital and played on the roads of the hospital covered with pine trees for several hours. I further remembered those long wooden benches which were placed under the high evergreen trees. These benches were used for sleeping by those poor people who had come with their patients from far off areas and who could not afford to rent a room or stay in a hotel in the city. That strange night of my life was going to be spent on one of those benches. In my disturbed state of mind, I did not even think of those few hundred rupees which were present in the pocket of my shirt. I went there and lay on one of those wooden benches. After a long time in my life, I felt the open sky and shining stars talking to me. I remembered those memorable summer nights of childhood which we used to spend with our grandmother. At night, our beds were laid in the open courtyard and as Grandmother started telling interesting stories, we used to feel that the stars shining on our heads were also listening to her stories. These smiling stars remained awake as long as we did not go to sleep after listening to the story. They went on playing with us and talking to us as long as the story continued. I felt as if the stars of my childhood had once again come to me that night to share my loneliness. The sight of those stars caused some embarrassment to me, because, I had forgotten them for such a long time. But during that night, as I looked towards them with my wet eyes, I noticed that all those old friends of my childhood had once again assembled over my head without any complaint. They had come only to share my pain and suffering. While we were children, each of us used to choose his favourite star. Kamran, Niggy, Ibad and I had our own selected stars. For myself I used to choose the most brilliant star, because since my childhood, I had been in the habit of selecting the rarest and most prominent things for myself. Same was the case with her who was unique and most prominent among all the girls. If my heart had expressed its desire for her, what was wrong with it? Why had the whole world turned against me? Why has the world always turned against the lovers? That whole night was spent under the onslaught of several such questions and I suddenly realized the passage of the night when one after the other, my friends the stars started bidding farewell to me; and I began to hear the loud noise made by the little birds in their small nests in the pine, cherry and other trees. Perhaps, nests are also like our homes. First of all, older members of the family wake up and prepare breakfast for the children and then, the children are awakened from their sleep. Then, I heard the Azan from the hospital mosque and one after the other, worshippers were seen going towards the mosque. For a while, I went on observing these people who had sacrificed their early morning sleep and were rubbing their eyes and going towards the mosque full of religious fervour. Till then, I had never got up so early in the morning for going to the mosque in order to offer the Morning Prayer. I wondered what strange type of people they were. I was unable to understand the passion which was driving them towards the mosque. I had spent the whole night sleeplessly and now, rays of the sun had reached the ground after passing through the branches of tall trees. The hustle and bustle of life had begun. Perhaps, it was time for the visit of some senior doctor because, members of the hospital staff clad in white uniform were hurriedly removing the bench sleepers from the benches. I myself had no mind to stay there. I had to go to Shakir. He might have gone to the Maulvi's house the previous day and might have brought some fresh news for me. Quite unintentionally, I put my hand into the pocket and discovered the few hundred rupee notes which were in my pocket at the time when I was leaving my home. I got into a tonga standing near the hospital gate and told the tonga driver to take me to that part of the city where Shakir's house was situated. For the first time on that day I realized that if a person is sitting on the back seat of a tonga, the surrounding scenes appear to him like a movie being shown in twisted form. Shakir who was coming out of the Haveli's gate, was stunned to see me there and ran towards me. For a while, he carefully surveyed me as if I had come from some other planet. "O Mr. Hammad, where did you go yesterday? Where did you spend the last night? What strange appearance you've made of yourself." Accompanied by Shakir, I went to his quarter, because, I had refused to go to the drawingroom of the old Haveli. Shakir hurriedly opened the door of his quarter's drawingroom that opened into the backyard of the old Haveli. With my half shut eyes, I remained seated at the sofa for some time. After a short while, Nighat and Shakir entered the room with the breakfast tray. The breakfast which Nighat had hastily prepared consisted of Parathas, tea and a delicious dish made of boiled eggs. But at that time, I was in no mood of eating anything. However, on the insistence of Shakir, I had to drink a few draughts of tea. I was eager to know about his visit to the Maulvi's house. But before that, Shakir told me what had happened at my own house after my departure. At the time when I left my home, Shakir had gone to meet the Maulvi. Afterwards, when he went to my home, some other servants narrated to him the incident that had taken place there. According to Shakir, Mother was worried about me while Father and brother Sajjad were satisfied with the thought that I would soon return home after being driven from pillar to post. However, my younger brother Ibad had visited all of my friends during the night in search of me. I did not tell Shakir where I had spent the night. In response to all his questions, I asked him only one question. "Did you go to the Maulvi's house? What's the news from there?" As he listened to my question, he remained silent for a while and then spoke. "Yes, I went there yesterday. Ever since his return from your house that day, the Maulvi has become a bed ridden fellow and his whole family seems to be in a state of mourning. In such a situation, I didn't think it appropriate to talk to him about anything else. I only enquired after his health and came back. The Maulvi has been completely shattered by the shocking incident that took place in your house. The only valuable asset for a gentleman is his sense of honour. But if someone deprives him of it, he finds himself buried alive." I could very well imagine the hard times through which the Maulvi's family must have been passing at that time. Shakir had done the right thing by returning home without saying anything to