Chapter 5: Thoughts
Today I am staying home from school, because my mom needs me to work and do shit. I get it, I got to help out with the family, but this is some serious last minute shit! I just wake up and "You're staying home today, because I need your help"
"ok" Simple reply, huh? I wanted to say no, but fuck that. My mom can hold a grudge.
I love going to school. My house is so awkward that school is my escape. There I have people to talk to, I have actual life changing shit to do. Like school work. Good enough in school and your life could be better. My father though wants to teach me about raising pigs, and how to plant. Teaching all types of labor work... He says these are important things to know, because I'll need them. Yeup, that practically means he only sees me as someone who will be a labor worker for the rest of his life. Thanks father.
Enough of the negative shit. Let me say some positive things about my life ..............I'm alive........people care for me..... I think I'm in love...love or infatuated... maybe it's infatuation, and it slowly is turning to love. What if it's not either? What if it's just some obsession, something I use to fill in my void. What if I use it as a filler to make up for my lack of familial love? That scares me. I don't even know the answers to my questions. All I know is, she makes me feel better, feel happy, I smile like a fool with her. I always tell her I love her every chance I get. I don't call her babe, honey, bae, or other weird shit. I just say my love. It's like I try to remind her that she is all that I have. I swear, she is my emotional pillar. If she left me, I don't think I'd be able to function. I'm scared, not of her or of love. I'm scared that something might happen and we will no longer be together. Weird thoughts for a fucking high schooler huh? You guys be like "So young, stop it, you have other shit to worry about."
She takes up half of my happiness (so if she leaves, I will not be whole). The other half consist of music, poetry, writing , and rapping. Yes, I can rap. I am currently the best free style rapper in my area (I freestyled for like 40 minutes straight, only stopped to change beats and drink water) . My family though don't care. Follow your dreams they say. Then they say to have more realistic dreams. Well it wouldn't be a dream if it was realistic huh bitch?!?!?
I don't want to become some rich and famous musician or literary talent. I just want to have a good life. One where I have enough money to not worry about other shit. I don't want to be rich, but just well off. If I became a sensation I would most likely keep myself hidden from the world. I wouldn't want people following me around every where I go.
I see no light in this maze
no sun in my gaze
I crave the warmth of the sun rays
but for now, the days
are washed In gray
as I pray
I dont get washed away
Original by: Calamity
Ever get a sudden fit of inspiration? That's me every few days. I have a shit ton of poems. Most of which half complete or just pieces of words I find interesting. You see everyone has words to say. It's just which words you choose and how you use these words that make a difference.
Sincerely: Calamity
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