Chapter 6: Thoughts
It'll be a month anniversary since Jo passed. It just hit me after seeing the date. Just a few more days then it'll be month since his passing. I am doing fine. I think. I hope.
Angry... gone..... sad.... depressed. My friend said I am currently going through depression. I mean I would feel fine, then I will just hate the world, or feel very uncomfortable. They say to talk about it, but I dont like telling people about my problems. It shows them the weak side of me. I'm not used to showing that part of myself. I sometimes wonder if supressing all of this will have negative impacts on my person. I mean, I guess this is another reason I started writing this journal down. For Jo, and a place to vent and tell my feelings. So much negativity that I feel. Then I talk to her and BAM!!! I get struck by lightning. She literally makes me feel better. I think she already read my journal entries here..... If you're reading this, I love you.
I held her hand and wow..... it was amazing. Like I was extremely pleased with hand holding. I know it sounds super weird, but just talking to her makes me happy. So holding her hand makes me over joyed. She even bit me earlier today and I liked it. Is that weird? I think I may have gotten into the biting.
I just woke up, I fell asleep while writing this. I probably have to do a bunch of shit today. After all, I am the only child in the house. So I do everything. Anyways enough of that.
I wake up and the first objective is to text her "good morning my love."
Is that over doing it? I mean this is my first actual relationship. I have dated before, but those are, nothing compared to this. I am actually serious about this. Though we are young, so who knows what would happen.
I want the good things to happen. Getting accepted by her family, Receiving her parents respect, having her siblings respect our relationship. Having her love me. I mean she says she loves me, so let me rephrase that. I want our feelings for each other to last the entirety of the universe. I tell you, I am really into this person.
Wonderful, amazing, fun, and many more adjectives I can use to describe her. You know. Sometimes I go around calling her my boyfriend, it was fucking funny. Now my friends mother thinks I'm bisexual. Anyways, she has the pants in the relationship. Also, there's this guy that keeps on talking to her. I mean in a flirting type of way. I don't mind it when she talks to other people. I just hate these people that flirt with her. She even dropped hints that she's not intesrested. Hell, her friend even mentioned me and he still act like he don't care. Fucking cunt! She won't tell me his name!!!! Even her friends don't say who he is!!! I wanna fucking know! I will not go and fight the dude. I just want to know who the hell has their sights on my love! I think I am clingy. She calls my clingy cute. Though I can't figure out if this clingy will be a bother in the future.
Anyways, this is enough writing. I got shit to do, like farm, clean, do pigs, yard work, and other types of physically draining shit. Well, thanks for listening to my bull shit. I mean is it really this interesting to read about my life?
Also, I'm thinking of writing about other shit. Maybe poetry?
Sincerely: Calamity
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