Chapter 2: Chapter 1: Foggy Warmth
~Remembrance~
I loved every bit of my childhood. My sister Sophia, our childhood friend Joseph Shepard, my mother Clarisse, and my father Lawrence Twells. These four people were my life. My sister and I were born as identical twins. Our mother barely survived our birth. She lost so much blood. All three of us were very lucky to be alive. Everyone called it a miracle. As I grew up though, I thought of it as destiny where I was "chosen" to do something important. I had this thought until I was made fun of by many other children. My father was a very rich businessman. That meant that my family was of a high class. The downside of being rich, is that my father was always away from home. Joseph's mother was one of our maids, so he was around all the time. He would always be there for me whenever I was feeling down. My sister never seemed to mind Father being gone, but I would throw tantrums over it. The only person who could ever calm me down was Joseph.
As we grew older, so did my jealousy towards my sister. My mother favored her rather than me. The boy that I loved distance himself, and went to my sister's side. My father was the only person I found comfort in. But since he was never around I was always alone.
Around three months before our twelfth birthday, my mother received a letter. Once my mother read it, she started to wail with pain. Later that day, I asked one of the maids what had happened. She hugged me and with tears in her eyes she told me that my father had been killed. I didn't understand, but from the way everyone has been acting it was a very sad thing. I started to cry too. I cried for the fear of the unknown. I cried for my father who was killed. I cried for myself, because I knew that my life would be completely different without him here.
A month from my father's death, my attitude began to darken. The once happy, bratty little girl started to fade away. I started to wear clothes with darkened colors. I found no comfort in my family anymore. I didn't want Joseph's comfort either. The staff only talked to me when needed. My mother shut down and stopped talking to me altogether. My sister and Joseph were always together, so I was always alone. The only place I found comfort was beside my father. In the cemetery that is. I cried every night before I went to sleep. I cried for my family, Joseph, and for myself. It felt as if I could disappear and no one would notice.
~Our Birthday~
The day after my sister and I turned 15, my mother approached me…
"Lord Kellam Roesler's son will be coming to visit our house in two days. It will be to choose a bride, whether it be you or your sister. Lord Roesler will provide financial stability for our family if one of you marry his son, Keyon Roesler. He is teeny years old. So if you are chosen to marry him it will be to save our house. Please be on your best behavior and don't do anything to embarrass me or your father."
A young lord will be choosing a wife? Picking a wife, as if we are just cattle getting ready to be butchered. Fantastic…
~Two days later~
"Keyon Roesler has arrived Madam Twells."
"Thank you Robert. Please let the girls know to be ready in two minutes."
I can hear them. I've been getting ready since early this morning. I have no choice in this matter. Today I have to wear a decorated pink dress, the kind my sister usually wear, one that has a lot of lace and ribbons attached to it. She is wearing a blue version. I look so different.
Two knocks at the door, "Miss Clarissa, Miss Sofia?"
"Come in Robert," I answered, he enters the room with ease.
"Madam Twells would like me to inform you that Lord Roesler is here."
"Thank you Robert, I'll be down in a second."
"As will I," Sofia responds, "You may leave."
And so Robert leaves the room, the door gently closing behind him.
Well then, it's time to either be chosen or rejected. How will it end? Will I or my sister be chosen? Let us see.
~Downstairs~
Here we are. Awkwardly standing in each other's presence. If it's one thing I hate most it's introductions.
"Good afternoon Madam, my name is Keyon Roesler. It's a pleasure to finally be meeting you all."
He is a handsome man. His eyes are such a dark brown it looks like they're completely black. His hair is a type of ashy brown, that's slick back to shoulder length, he also has bangs that are split and combed to the right. His face is very chiseled with a dimple on his left cheek. He is clean shaven and looks younger than his age suggests.
Roesler bows towards Mother and then to my sister and I.
Sofia and I speak in unison, "It's a pleasure to meet you Lord Roesler," we curtsy.
We are completely in sync. I don't like doing this. I feel as if I am the odd one out. Even if I play the part well, I don't belong here. I hate it here. My heart aches to see my father. My face hurts from forcing a smiling for so long. I hate giving and receiving fake smiles.
His eyes keep drifting to my sister as he speaks with mother. She's the obvious choice. More beautiful, happy and fake. I have no need to be here.
Their idle chat about business is annoying and burdensome. The only business that is soon to come is the exchange of a daughter for wealth and stability.
"Forgive my interruption," Robert speaks, "but dinner is served."
Thank goodness for Robert, I was beginning to lose my composure. I follow my sister as we all head toward the dining room.
~Dining Area~
"For the appetizer we will be having a fresh Salade de Courgettes (Summer squash salad), then for the main dish we will be having Cailles Braisées (Braised quail). If you would like dessert after the meal we will have fruit salad with honey prepared."
Robert finished his introduction of the meal and leaves to the kitchen. In about a minute or two, three other butlers come out to hand each of us our appetizers.
I like how they make the food sound fancy. This is just a hoax to try and win Roesler into thinking we are used to this type of lifestyle.
The table we're sitting at is very big, but the four of us are sitting together on one end. When my father had business parties many people would come and this table would be filled. I miss those carefree days.
"So Lord Roesler, what business are you in?" Sofia asked with curious eyes.
Roesler slightly shifts in his seat, "I am in banking. Loans, investments, all the finer jobs. Though when my father passes he will give the ownership of his vineyard business over to me. It's where he made most of his wealth."
He smiled proudly with greed. I know that smile all to well. Many of my father's partners and some of our family had the same look at his funeral. All wanting his fortune, thinking that my mother would hand it over without question. My father passed before he was able to finish his will. My uncles tried to marry or have their sons marry my mother so they could inherit the house and father's company.
"Clarissa!"
My mother's angry voice broke me out of my train of thought.
"Did you hear me!? Or are you in the clouds again?"
I glance towards her disapproving eyes. So stern, cold, so unloving.
"I was not paying attention mother, I apologize."
I look down towards my plate, it must have been there for a long while since the other's have already been taken away.
My mother turns away from me to Roesler, "Don't mind her daze, she does that quite often. She is still a very talented girl, just a bit air-headed."
She laughs as if it's a well known joke.
"Haha, well it is not a bad trait to have in a woman."
Roesler laughs along side my mother. I can see Sofia glancing at me in an approving manner. My chest gets a sudden stab of pain, I know that all she is seeing is an opportunity for her to stay here. I can't stand this, I need to get away.
I stand up, "Mother may I be excused from the table? I have had my fill for the evening."
Her face is starting to turn into a bright shade of red. She is very upset with me, for I am embarrassing her.
She was about to say something, but Sofia got to it first "Mother I would also like to be excused, we have an issue to attend to."
Mother's expression softened as she looked towards Sofia, "What kind of issues are you referring to?"
"A monthly issue, we are both in need of a break."
A look of understanding drifts across mother's face.
"I understand Sofia, you both may be excused for now. But you will come and join us for drinks when you return."
We both curtsy to Roesler before exiting.
~Girl's Bedroom~
"I was trying to leave to get away from you people. Why did you come along?"
I sit down on my bed. Sofia is closing the doors, her back facing me. Uhg, I have a bad feeling.
"Clarissa, you should learn to thank people more often."
She turns around and looks as if she's about to cry, "I can't leave with that man."
She is trying her best to sound and look like she needs sympathy, but I can tell what she is planning. She acts and looks so innocent, she has everyone wrapped around her finger. Everyone is fooled, bit I can no longer be fooled by her. I've observed her behaviors since my father died. I learned of how she manipulates people emotionally. Even if I hadn't learn her ways, I would have still figured it out. After all, we're twins.
"I need your help Clarissa. Will you please help me?"
She smiles maliciously behind her fake face, I shiver. The evil in her eyes is terrifying. I may know how she thinks, but even so, she is the most frightening person I have yet to meet.
"Don't look at me like that, you look pitiful. I already know what you want of me."
A mix of anger, jealousy and victory goes across her face for a moment. She returns to appearing as an innocent girl
"You're so kind Clarissa. I don't know what I would do if we weren't sisters."
She comes closer to try and hug me.
I put my hand up, "Don't even think about it."
~Study~
"And that's when I realized that I didn't make it back to my room."
Fake laughter filled the room as we enter.
"Ah, girls Lord Roesler just told me the most wonderful story. Come listen for a while."
My sister and I obey her command. We sit next to the fireplace on opposite couches. Lord Roesler and my mother come to sit as well. My mother next to my sister, and Roesler next to me. I see him glance at me with his tainted eyes. I shiver.
"Are you cold Clarissa?" Sofia asks quickly, "Would you like me to go get you a cover?" She stands.
"It's no problem, the fire will warm me." Her eyes show a hint of annoyance, "No, I insist. Mother will you come and assist me?"
Mother looks to her and then to me. Her eyes start to water.
She blinks and steadies her voice, "Of course dear, I'll help you and then touch up. Please excuse us Lord Roesler, but Clarissa will humor you while we're away."
She politely smiled and nodded her head before leaving me alone with this stranger.
I'm all alone now. My own sister betrayed me, and my mother left me to a wolf. My heart is beating so loud I'm afraid to look over, for he might hear it as well.
A deep but soft voice breaks the silence, "So Miss Twells,"
I turn my head slightly towards his direction keeping my eyes to the floor.
"What do you like to do in your free time, besides your studies?" My breathing is increasing, I can't speak aloud.
"There's no reason to be fearful of me. I mean you nor your family harm."
I look at him, I can feel my eyes start to water. I can't cry not now.
I take a deep breath, "I like to visit my father when I am free." I look away into the fire, "Visiting him brings me comfort. I miss him dearly."
I'm starting to tear up remembering him.
I feel a gentle hand on the back of my head, making it turn. Roesler held his hand near my cheek, the other followed on the opposite side. He's being so gentle, as if I'm a glass doll that could shatter in an instant.
"Don't cry, it pains me to see you so sad." He wiped away a tear on my left cheek, "What can I do to help you with this pain?"
My heart aches. I don't want to leave with him. I don't have to do anything for her! Why must I suffer for them!?
"Can you choose me? I'm always alone, I can't stand it. Will you choose me over my sister, please?"
I'm sorry father. I'm so sorry.
I can see a shimmer of triumph in his eyes, he manages keeps the sincerity in his face.
"I cannot bear to take you away from your family."
Lies. Why am I doing this?
"I'm not wanted here. I am not needed nor wanted anywhere in this world. I understand if you don't want me as well."
I stand to get away from him, from them, from everything. I start to walk towards the door but stop, a firm but soft force is holding me in place.
"You're wanted. I can assure you. Maybe not here, not anywhere else," he pauses, "but I want you. I will give you the love and happiness you deserve."
Such sweet but empty words.
"I shan't believe your words. I'm not a girl to be wooed so easily."
I remove myself from his grasp and start to run for the garden.
~Garden~
I run and run until I reach the end of the lawn, where a wall of roses are. I fall to my knees and start to weep.
I can't go through with this? My heart can't take this much hurt. How will I do this alone?
"Clarissa?"
An angelic voice appears from behind me. This voice haunts me night and day.
A panic voice asks, "Look at me! Are you hurt? Please answer me!"
He shakes my shoulders. I've never felt his warmth before, it feels so good.
"Clarissa!!"
I look up at his gorgeous face. Sharp blue eyes, soft pink cheeks, light freckles, dirty blond hair, a face meant to be painted and framed for all to see. It's a face of an angel.
"Clarissa, please talk to me!"
I look away to a wilting rose nearby.
"I'm okay Joseph. I was just in a daze."
"A DAZE!!?? You call running full speed across the garden a daze?"
He's panting, he must have ran to see what was wrong with me. Or is that just what I want to think? Maybe I think too much. I don't know anymore.
"Clarissa!! Get out of your head and listen to me!"
I look again to his beautiful face.
"What happened to you? Did something happen with that man? Did he hurt you in some way?"
His eyes are starting to fill with anger. I've never seen him like this.
I look down, "No, nothing happened. What would it matter anyways. I'm the black sheep in this house. Who cares is anything happens to the sheep. Who cares if they get hurt. Who cares if they have feelings! WHO CARES IF THEY JUST LEAVE! WHO CARES!"
"Clarissa calm down!"
Firm hands are trying to steady me.
"NO ONE CARES, THAT'S WHO! NO!! NO ONE WILL HELP ME. NO ONE WILL CARE FOR ME! WHO CARES IF I DISAPPEAR!?! IF I DIE!?!?! THEN EVERYONE WOULD BE HAPPY! Heheheh HEHEH HEHEHEHEHEHEHEH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
Pain starts to flood my senses. My cheek is starting to burn. I look up to see Joseph with his hand raised and tears in his eyes. I take in this scene before he pulls me into a hug.
"Don't say that about yourself. You're not the black sheep."
This warmth. His warmth. It feels like my father is here with me. I start to cry and hold on to this warmth for as long as I can. My vision behind to blur and go dark.
No. I don't want to let go. Please don't make me leave this warmth again. Dear God, please don't make me leave.
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