Chapter 4: Best Weekend Ever (3of3)
"Shhhhh. You don't have to say anything. I understand. But I'm sure there are plenty of either psychologically weak or masochistic women out there that would prefer this kind of relationship, but not me. I know, I know, I am fantastic and smart and funny and everything, but I'm not a masochist or psychologically weak, so I'm not the one for you. Please understand this much." I should be an actress if I ever want to actually win an Oscar.
"...Oh. Well, thank you for your concern with regards my love life. I'll do my best." He seemed a lot happier than I expected for a guy who his pre-girlfriend just broke up with him.
Oh my God, was I not good enough? Am I that bad that he would be more than happy to break up with me? I'll have you know that hundreds, no, thousands of guys would wish they could date a young lady such as myself!
"Now, if you please, I want to take aa nap, it's getting late and I'm an early riser."
"You know this is my room, don't you?"
"Of course I do!"
"Well, this room is where I'm planning to sleep."
"Huh? Where am I sleeping then?"
"Here. In your chair. You're already lying down, so you could just fall asleep n— "
But I didn't hear any more of what he said because I already teleported to dream world.
When I came back from dream world, I found myself still tied up in my chair and lying on the floor. Nothing changed except now I felt more tired than before I went to sleep.
I never sleep right after I eat. I usually watch TV before I snooze. That must be it.
"What time is it?" I groggily asked no one in particular, hoping that the heavens would answer my question.
"Six in the morning. You really are an early riser."
"Whoa, heavens, you can talk?"
"I can sing too."
"Whoa, you could also be sarcastic? I heard the sarcasm in your voice there. That's pretty cool. By the way, did you know there's some guy that pretend-kidnapped me yesterday? What's his problem?"
"I think you're the one with bigger problems right now. You really are kidnapped. He didn't pretend to kidnap you, and I'm not the heaven's, I am your kidnapper."
"Whoa, really is James! You sound just like the heavens. Are you an angel?"
"Whatever your name is— "
"It's Lily—you know if we hadn't broken up, and actually got married and had a son, we could've named him Harry. Wouldn't that had been cool? But wait, that would mean that I'd have to die and so do you. Hmmm... Wait, where was I? Oh, yeah were saying?"
"Okay... Lily. You were not talking to the heavens, I answered your question from the beginning, you're just a little confused 'cause you just woke up and still tied to a chair on the floor."
"where's my breakfast?" I demand with a frown.
He sighed a big one in defeat and walked out of the room.
"On it."
All morning, I had been instructing him to make me my food the right way, then eventually eating it, and convincing him to pull the chair back up to its legs and feed it to me.
"I'm bored." I simply said, sure that he'll know what to do.
"What?" He said with raised eyebrows.
"You've already milked it multiple times, yo. This isn't fun anymore. Let's play something else, like monopoly. You got a monopoly?"
"Well... yeah?"
"Cool, let's play monopoly."
And so, from one board game to another, playing so many rounds of each one he had, it was already midnight by the time we were conscious of the time.
We had so much fun.
I was too sleepy and tired to want to request something to eat, so I immediately fell asleep without warning.
When I woke up, I found myself untied and sleeping on a mattress on the floor with a blanket covering me. Now that was a much more comfortable sleep than last night's.
"What day is it and what is the time?"
"It's 8:30 Sunday morning and I bought breakfast from a nearby café. Dig in."
He placed a bag next to my pillow with a fragrance leaking through the bag and slapping me in the face.
Sniff sniff, pancakes? Waffles? Strawberry waffles? With syrup.
I shot up from my sleeping position and rip the bag up like an animal, seeking my food within its evil clutches.
"My nose was not wrong. These are strawberry waffles with syrup!" I monologue to myself as I viciously tear apart my food and much it into my food cave.
It didn't take long for the waffles to be gone and it's only remains being the syrup stain on my blouse and face. I felt like a monster at this point.
Then, I realized something. Where's my chair? Where are my ropes?
"What did you do to my chair?" I ask him like I was afraid for my child's safety, dreading the truth.
"You mean why I untied you? Forget it, go wash up. You look wild and apparent that you murdered something."
I stare at him wide-eyed and with horror.
"Wait, so we're done playing the kidnapping game?"
"Not exactly. Your parents are still collecting my money and will still have to bring it to me tomorrow."
"Oh, okay. So, I'm allowed to go to the bathroom without you having to carry me in my chair there?" I ask him with eyes widened with excitement.
His eyelid twitched a little but he murmured a 'sure' before disappearing somewhere.
What? It was his idea to get me tied up! What's he so annoyed about?
Anyways, I do my overall business and change into another blouse he had left for me in the bathroom before I got there, and tied my hair in a messy ball.
You know, it might've not worked out for us to be a couple, but I guess it might work out for us to be friends. But should I? Hmmm, nah. This guy is a nut job, even if he got me food and everything.
Just because someone gave you food doesn't necessarily mean they're good people, is what I came to learn from my stay here.
After all, he's no fun unless I force him to play board games and card games with me. I don't think we could even be friends after all of this is over.
By the time I was out of the bathroom, he still didn't show his presence in his own house. I gave myself permission to look around the whole place and still found no trace of him being here.
Maybe he went to get me lunch? I like lunch.
But he never showed up even after it was lunchtime. Desperate, I looked through the fridge and found a few eggs and butter and a carton of orange juice inside.
I ended up eating fried eggs with a glass of juice and some toast to go along with for lunner. By the way, lunner is what I call after lunchtime, but before dinner time.
When I was done eating, I did the right thing to do, not clean up the kitchen. After all, I am a guest, and it's not polite that a guest cleans up after themselves. Besides, this isn't my house, so I shouldn't be the one cleaning up.
But I was rude and cleaned it up anyway.
I was bored, for I can't play card games and board games by myself, and he didn't have any video games either, so I thought I'd keep myself busy by cleaning this place up.
By the time I was done, it was 8 o'clock and so I went to sleep immediately.
"...Wake up... WAKE UP!" I heard someone shouting in my ear.
"Wha~t?" I whined groggily.
I know I said I was an early riser, but not necessarily an optimistic one.
"It's time to go." I was hauled to my feet, the sudden change in my position making me extra dizzy and my sight super blurry.
I think that was really is James. How did I know that you may ask?
Simple. He's the only person around here that is talking to me and the only one with access into his own home.
What? Did you expect some random round-about answer?
Foolish, I have some logic too you know.
People these days are just...
Oh yeah, so really is James started dragging me away from the room with his gun's hose glued to my head, barely giving me any freedom to share my opinion about this or so much as walk.
I kinda let myself doze off as we advanced somewhere, knowing that whether I walked or not, it won't make a difference until we arrived somewhere.
"Alright, do you have the money?" really is James howls at two particular people that stood a short distance away from us.
"Gee, you two look kind of familiar to me. Have we met before?" I asked with narrowed eyes.
You can't blame me for not recognizing my own parents; we were standing in a very sunny area so I could barely see their faces.
"Is this Lily being normal or did he do something to her?" Probably my dad whispered loudly to probably my mom.
"I'm not sure, but I'm leaning towards her being her normal self." She whispers just as loudly as he did to him, eyeing me with widened eyes like I could bite.
Well, I could, but I didn't brush my teeth yet, so it's gonna be a nasty bite. Maybe that's why she looked kinda scared right now. I'm still mad at her about the grandma thing.
"Give me the money and I'll give you your daughter!" really is James shouts again, burying the gun's hose in my head.
"Hey hey hey! Watch it Mister really is James! Seriously, boy, I dare you to count how many times I've told you to talk politely to people so they would give you stuff. Go on, say it! Say how many times I've told you that!"
"That... That doesn't matter! Shut up or else I'll kill you!" He tries to act all tough as my parents stand around watching the show.
"Oh, really is James, you silly billy lily, oh wait, that's me. Hehe. If you kill me, Lily, then the people that made me exist in the first place won't give you your money anymore. Again, threats don't work to get what you want." I rolled my eyes at the last part.
"Enough of this! Do you have the money?" really is James seemed frustrated with me and turned back to my parents, who didn't seem interested in this at all.
God, and I thought you people care about me! Not even remotely afraid of my safety!
What? What do you mean I should be afraid for my own safety? That's my parents' job, not mine. Obviously!
"You know... for the past few days, we've been talking, my wife and I— "
Here come the excuses...
"—and we decided that it would be best if you keep our daughter. In fact, we will let you marry our daughter so you could forever keep her with you."
What?!
"WHAT?!"
What? What do you mean by saying what? I'm perfect if you think you're being cursed with marrying an existence such as myself!
"No way! Take her, I don't want her and I never want to see her face again" He shouted with horror after a few moments of thought.
Gasp. Am I that ugly to you? I'm so glad I pre-broke up with you.
Saying what he said, he threw me with all his might towards my parents that caught me before I fell smack to the floor, and before I could my head to look at really is James, he was already running away.
Hmmm, he looks rushed. Does he need to go to the bathroom? I feel you, bro. I also need to go to the bathroom.
My mom sighed before speaking.
"Wow, I can't believe that actually worked. You really were a bother to this boy after all. We hope you weren't too bothered by him?" My mom started stroking my head lovingly.
I looked at her confused, what did she mean I'd be a bother to him? I'm fabulous, everyone likes my presence. How could I possibly be a bother to anyone?
"Oh no, not at all. I had the best weekend ever! So here's how it all went down... First of all, I don't have Stockholm syndrome. I don't. One just has to know how to be positive and smart... and funny... yeah, maybe also weird, but you know what I mean. I just managed to have a really fun time with my kidnapper. You know, we ate, we talked, we played monopoly and stuff. It was fun. Man, that does sound like I might have hit my head somewhere during the kidnapping period. In my defense, I didn't hit it that hard, okay?! You know what, let me just tell you what happened..."
Thanks for reading!
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