Chapter 5: No More
"Xiaojie??"
YuYing's voice startled XuanRong, stopping her from reminiscing her previous life.
She reclined on the side of the bed and slowly shook her head to clear her thoughts. She grabbed a white handkerchief and slowly wiped the sticky blood on her cheeks.
"No need to alert Zou mama. This is nothing but a simple cut. Just fetch me a bottle of medicine. I can do it on my own."
"Xiaojie! What if it will not heal completely and leave a scar? It will taint your beautiful face! How will Xiaojie marry in the near future?"
YuYing insisted. She did not want her Xiaojie's face to be disfigured. No man would want to marry a disfigured woman. Even small concubines who were vying for favor were all trying to be beautiful in order to please their husbands.
XuanRong chuckled as she stared at YuYing. She was once naive like YuYing and innocently thought that because she was beautiful and was the Eldest Young Miss of XiangFu, people adored and loved her. Because of that kind of thinking, she became more arrogant, even more arrogant than the princesses living inside the palace. Little did she know, they were only good to her on the surface because they were afraid of her maternal family's power.
"YuYing, remember the words I will say to you. Appearance is nothing but a shell. Beauty doesn't last forever. Once it fades, the only thing left is one's ability.
Whether one can survive in this world will not be based on their beauty but based on their capability.
No matter how beautiful the person is, if they are stupid enough to fall from other people's petty schemes, sooner or later, they will die an ugly death."
'And I was stupid enough to fall from my little sister and former lover's schemes.'
XuanRong's eyes narrowed but she immediately blinked repeatedly to erase the hatred reflecting inside of it.
YuYing fell silent after hearing her Xiaojie's words. Although her Xiaojie's words were right, it wouldn't change the fact that men would still not marry ugly women.
'But Xiaojie still needs to marry ahh!'
YuYing did not try to retort back and argue with XuanRong. She was just a servant. She did not want to cross the line, so she could only pout to show her disagreement.
Seeing YuYing's pouted lips, XuanRong sighed. Her little yatou [1] was still innocent and naive.
"Okay, enough. Just fetch the medicine bottle inside the cabinet and prepare my bath. My body is very sticky with blood. I want to wash up."
"Yes, Xiaojie. Nubi will prepare the bath immediately."
YuYing curtsied and went outside after giving the medicine bottle to XuanRong.
Few minutes later, after she was done applying medicine on her wound, YuYing finished filling the entire tub with water. When XuanRong entered the bath, she turned her head towards YuYing.
"No need to serve me. Just wait for YuLi. When she comes back, tell her to go to the kitchen and prepare my dinner. I'm starving."
"This servant understands."
YuYing saluted and immediately went outside to guard the room.
When she was the only one left inside, XuanRong slowly undressed herself.
When her fingers touched her smooth jade-like skin, she could not help but shiver. She could feel goosebumps all over her body as if millions of insects were crawling inside her skin.
She remembered the touch of those beasts who tainted her which made her shiver once again.
XuanRong closed her eyes to control her emotions but when she saw nothing but darkness, the faces of those men appeared inside her mind one by one.
They were laughing at her as they pounded crazily on top of her body, as if they greatly enjoyed violating her.
She remembered that she was pressed on the ground, forcing her into submission. They continued to torture her alternately until she could no longer move her limbs.
She was slapped on the face. She was kicked on her chest. She was punched on her abdomen.
They tortured her physically and sexually.
They forcefully devoured her.
Until nothing was left.
Her dignity, her pride and her values were all shattered into pieces, leaving her nothing but hatred.
She looked at the shougong sha mark [2] on her left arm and laughed mockingly. Her tender body was unsoiled and chaste, but she felt dirtier than a prostitute.
She, the Eldest Di Daughter of XiangFu, the only granddaughter of Great General Chen, was violated to death. What a funny way to die.
Like a dirty rag, she was thrown somewhere after being used a couple of times.
She loathed them.
She loathed them very much that she wished she could rip open their rib cages and dig out their hearts. She craved to drink their black blood and eat their rotten flesh until nothing was left---not even their bones.
She hated them---no, she abhorred them. Enough to make her go crazy and mad.
She also blamed herself for being weak and unable to retaliate and defend herself. She hated the fact that she was touched and defiled countless of times even if what happened that night could be treated as a nightmare, a nightmare that would vanish once she wakes up the next morning. Unfortunately, that distant dream would never disappear and would always haunt her forever... unless she would not be able to avenge her previous self.
No matter what she did she could not forget the nasty taste and putrid smell of their liquid as they humiliated her like she was a breeding animal. Every time those scenes played inside her mind, she felt nauseated. She wanted to puke out of disgust.
XuanRong continuously rubbed her skin with wet cloth until it bled, hoping that she could erase the horrible memory inside her head by wiping her body roughly.
Her eyes were full of anger and shame as she recalled her horrible experience in the hands of those beasts.
Even if she reincarnated and returned to her past self, even if the current 'her' was still an untouched virgin--- pure and innocent, it wouldn't change the fact that she once experienced being defiled mercilessly.
The pain and humiliation she felt from that lifetime would never disappear, leaving a huge scar in her heart that would never heal no matter how long time passed.
XuanRong continued to rub her body until she could feel the stinging pain all over her skin. She bit her lower lip as she tried to suppress the scream trying to escape from her mouth.
*drop*
*drop*
*drop*
She could not help but cry painfully as she roughly washed herself, scrubbing every nook and cranny until she felt numb all over her body.
After hours of scrubbing herself until her skin turned red, XuanRong stood up and grabbed her robe that was hanging on the dividing screen.
She dried her body and wiped her tears. The hand that was holding the robe tightened as she took a deep breath, trying to compose herself.
'This is the last time that I will cry. I already have no more tears to shed. The next time... It will be their turn to cry and beg for mercy.'
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[1]. 'Girl'- can be used to address young girls, servants or as a form of endearment.
[2]. Cinnabar Mark/ Virginity Mark- a red dot/mark placed on female children and will disappear once they had their first sexual intercourse due 'excessive' loss of blood during mating.
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Edited and Proofread by: Prikkrang and Supremetobs
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SayuriHyuuga Author's Side Note:
Please welcome my new editor, Avi (her Webnovel account name is Prikkrang)~ RenTheView and MoonlitNight are both busy with their work so I don't want to disturb them. Thankfully, Avi came into my life (why does it sounds so cheesy? LOL) and helped me with editing (Since I'm LAZY) the chapters.
Thanks Avi~ Jiejie is very grateful!!
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