Chapter 32: Funeral

Maybe when they had held the funeral, she thought the rain would have started. So at least then some sense of normalcy would return to her, afterall she would be holding her black umbrella under the grey sky. Her tears falling from her eyes just as rain fell from the sky.

But Aileene was even robbed of that sense of safety, as she watched the coffins of her parents' descent into the earth while the sun shone brightly over them. As if it was laughing in the face of her misery, happy at her despair. The birds were singing and the flowers blooming, spring had come to knock on her door and greet her with stones to the heart. While the words of people merely bleed through her soul.

How could they stand frozen only able to say sorry for her loss? When they themselves didn't lose anything.

This wasn't fair, they said.

Life wasn't fair, they said.

If it wasn't fair, then were all of them telling her that she deserved it.

"Aileene..." Her cousin's voice called out to her, but she couldn't hear him. Her eyes were glassy and at that moment she had almost forgotten how to breathe.

"Aileene," Alastair whispered softly, reaching out to pull him into his arms. He didn't know what to do or how to act, but all he wanted to do now was take away all her pain. The more numb and uncaring she was, the more hurt he felt. His cousin, no—sister was suffering and he couldn't do anything but watch her hold back her tears.

After a few moments of silence, Aileene exhaled a haggard breath she was holding as she desperately clings onto Alastair. Afraid that if she had let go, he would disappear too. And for the first time in the days after her parents' death, she started crying. She hated how weak she was, as she held onto another for comfort. She hated how pathetic she was, she hated this life, she hated and hated and hated.

She hated herself for being so stupid, she hated herself for being so naive.

And most of all she hated herself for not being able to save the ones she loved.

❅

"Did she fall asleep?" His mother asked gently, concern and worry all etched deeply on her face. As she walked over to the sleeping Aileene in his lap, nudging her cheek softly.

"She's going to return with us to Kinlar," Alastair stated calmly, trying to organize his thoughts and emotions. These past few days had happened so quickly, there hadn't been time for any one of them to settled down their disbelief and apprehensiveness. Afterall, once the news had arrived in his father hand, they quickly left for Austrion to reunite with Aileene. They wanted to be there for her, and they all knew that this news, the one it would hurt most was Aileene.

Even so, when he had finally seen his cousin. The state he was in crushed him, as she was unresponsive and idle, merely holding onto a thin thread of life.

If anyone in the world deserved anything that came to them, the most undeserving was Aileene.

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