Chapter 8: Symphony
Anne sat there while pondering her next step. She considered starting from the very beginning. The lowest of the low, therefore, she had been wondering what her next step would be.
Once the clout of despair that was covering her eyes was removed, she felt her burdens being lifted.
She found new meaning in her life. She might not be able to climb back to being a top model, but she could come back and live as a decent human being. The sudden fall might have caused her mentality to break, she was not able to cope, and therefore, she gave up. But there was something more to her as a person aside from being a model.
She suddenly thought of her hardships as a beginner model. How many people doubted her for having any talent, she only had looks, nothing more. However, she proved them wrong, one step at a time she climbed the ladder of success. The industry was not easy, it was full of conniving, malicious and cruel people. It was something she experienced herself, she learned from it. A lot were devoured by the environment, by the world of stars and show business, they will do anything to succeed. It was right to say that it was a "dog eat dog world", that one cannot survive by just being nice. It was hard but she kept going at it, she never gave up no matter the situation.
This gave her hope.
If she could survive that harsh environment, then why can't she survive by living her life as a simple human being?
She had known the process to succeed, better yet, she had experienced it.
Why did she doubt herself as she had once experience being at the bottom as she climbed one step at a time?
This time will be the same, maybe it will be easier as she had experience being at the bottom.
What was she afraid of?
The people who will discriminate and ostracize her for falling out of grace?
It already happened.
Let them throw whatever they can as I have nothing more to lose.
Her determination did not waver this time.
Now she was preparing for her next step, her next plan.
"If I want to change my life, then I have to start changing myself."
She needed to get down from her pedestal and start anew.
Her first thoughts about changing made her refreshed.
*grumble*
She suddenly felt hunger. Her stomach made noises, as though asking for sustenance. She laughed with vigor in her voice. She forgot how important it was for herself to be healthy. She did not have her phone or watch, she did not know the time. But judging from the sun in the sky, and the rays of light that embraced her being, she thought it was probably around breakfast.
It has been a while, where she wanted to eat a lot of food. She felt famished and she would eat her fill. She did not need to check on her weight or appearance, she could eat as much as she wanted.
She now had a smile on her face.
I should cherish myself more.
Take care of myself before thinking of others.
She slowly stood up from the bench and took the IV stand once more to be used as her walking aid.
One step at a time she walked back to her room.
She thought the way was long and hard, but when she looked up that's when she started to look ahead.
It was not that hard, it was not that long, it was not that difficult.
Her smile did not vanish, rather it radiated more like the blossoming of a flower in season.
Some people around her noticed her, some recognized her and started to chatter.
"Is that the once famous model?"
"Yes, that's her."
"I thought she should have recovered by now? What is she doing back in the hospital?"
"She can't even take care of herself. I mean, look at her. She doesn't even have makeup on. Where are her slippers?" She pointed as though in disgust.
The people looked at her, from head to toe. They criticized her and started to spread rumors around Ann. They were trying to find something they can use as gossip material. Some people even took photos of her. They did not act discreetly as some flashes and sounds can be heard each time the shutter sounded.
"I heard she tried to commit suicide." A woman in her mid-20's said.
"Really? She looks happy right now. Are you sure? You might have heard wrong." Another woman said as she continued staring at Anne. She might be walking without slippers, her attire might be the simple hospital gown, she might even look thin, but Anne's smile made her want to look at her more instead of chatting with her friend. It made her forget that she too was a patient in the hospital due to her sickness.
Some whispered with their friends or family, some said some malicious things while others had the same mind as the woman in the hospital, and yet Anne did not care. She only had one thought in her mind.
She would live life for herself and not for the people around her.
She was hungry but her heart was full.
Once she reached her room with her light steps, she noticed food was prepared near the table. It was close to the newly arranged fresh lavender in her room. She had an idea where the food came from, but instead of throwing it away, she carefully looked at it. She decided that she would be more rational, she would stop throwing tantrums out of hotheadedness, or the sudden burst of her emotions.
The food inside were the things she liked. They were simple dishes but they were full of memories which were the reason she enjoyed them. She thanked and gave grace for the food before she started eating.
She hesitated a bit, before taking the first bite, but in the end, she decided to eat the food. She did not want to think of the person who delivered the food, or for what the action was for, nor the purpose of his visit. She already spent months thinking too much, she would rather not think of anything at the moment as she had already decided to live life for herself.
She started eating, slowly. With every bite, she chewed with relish. It had been a long time before she was able to eat something filling. While she was eating, she was making plans for herself.
She wanted to get better, to live healthier, to be able to do things on her own. Therefore, physical therapy is a must. Since she was already in the hospital, she decided to take care of that first once she finished eating. She laid her head on her pillow and eased into the bed. She felt a bit tired from walking, although she wanted to start with her physical therapy, it seems her body needed more rest.
Haste makes waste.
She believed these words had some truth to it, so she decided to rest her tired body. She stared at the ceiling, the immaculate white of the ceiling and walls that made the room seemed brighter. It wasn't long before she thought the room was a prison, where her body was trapped and could not escape. She could not do anything. Her body did not move the way she wanted. In the end, she blamed everything and everyone around her, but now she realized it was also her fault.
She did not try hard enough instead she decided to blame the few people around her that cared.
Her mind started to drift as she fell in asleep.
The sound of the dripping IV can be heard in the room.
From time to time the sound of tapping shoes can be heard from outside the room.
The air conditioning while blowing made a symphony of sounds which added to her drowsiness.
This time she did not have any nightmares.
She slept like a log.
Original novel by Chuchuwachuwa.
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