Leng Jin Yu couldn't help but feel uncomfortable at hearing that. He might not be Chun Yin but Qiu Ling obviously regarded them as the same person. So this accusation was indeed directed at him. He cleared his throat and tried to push his own feelings back. This wasn't about him, it was about Qiu Ling. Feeling hurt by his words would make things just more difficult. "How so?"
Qiu Ling's eyes narrowed in response. "How so?" Where should he even begin with this? "Well, maybe it's because of how you were taken in by her, by a demon of all people. And as if getting married to her and having a child with her wasn't enough, you even stayed with her and abandoned the old geezer."
"I thought your relationship with Jinde was bad? Why would you care if I left him?"
Qiu Ling sighed. "Yes, why would I?"
Leng Jin Yu waited but Qiu Ling didn't speak up again. It was as if he had suddenly lost interest in the conversation. Leng Jin Yu glanced up at the sky. This was probably the moment where he could close his eyes and finally drift off into sleep. Unfortunately, that would mean he'd have lost what might be his only chance to ever talk things through with Qiu Ling.
Leng Jin Yu rubbed his forehead. He wasn't doing a good job here. This wasn't the first time the dragon king had suddenly changed the direction of the conversation or stopped talking altogether. He probably wasn't satisfied with how things were going. But why? Just what did he want to hear from him? Did he want him to say that he was sorry? Was he supposed to apologize? But he wasn't even the one who had done all that, whatever that was.
Leng Jin Yu furrowed his brow. Maybe he should start with that. As long as he didn't know what exactly had happened, he couldn't talk about it with him. And the things that Jinde had been able to tell him might not necessarily be the things the dragon king deemed important. "So … What actually happened? I only know what Jinde told me about the situation back then. That your father was drunk when he married her and that he wanted to separate but then stayed with her when he found out that she was pregnant. He also mentioned that the relationship between your father and him soured over time until your father left the capital with you and your mother. Other than that, he said almost nothing about her or how life was for you after leaving the capital."
Qiu Ling nodded. "I thought as much. The old geezer … He didn't try to contact my father again. I think … There was only one time when somebody from the capital came looking for us. My father didn't listen to him though. That guy didn't even get to say what he wanted before he was driven out."
"And you … How did you feel about that?"
Qiu Ling glanced at him, his expression curious. "He never asked me that. In all those years, he never asked me how I felt."
Leng Jin Yu examined his expression. If there was any emotion, then it was only confusion. He wasn't used to anyone caring about his opinion it seemed. "Then if he had asked you, what would you have said?"
Qiu Ling didn't answer but this time it was obvious that he was at least thinking about the question. That should count as progress, shouldn't it?
A few minutes went by with neither of them saying a word. There was only the breeze rustling in the treetops and the movements of some small animals in the underbrush. Leng Jin Yu didn't dare to listen too closely for fear of being lulled to sleep by the gentle noises.
Finally, Qiu Ling spoke up again. "If he had asked my opinion … It's not that easy to say. A lot changed with the years. I don't know in how much detail the old geezer told you about that time but we stayed in the capital for many years.
"At first, I was very happy there. I couldn't even have imagined to leave. But with the years, things got more and more unbearable and finally, I couldn't imagine to leave nor could I imagine to stay. It was the place where I had grown up, the place where I had my friends. That wasn't something you just gave up. Unfortunately, it was also the place that made my mother miserable. And even though we didn't have a close relationship, she was still my mother in the end. I loved her. Which child doesn't love its mother?"
"So you accepted that you had to leave the capital because of her."
Qiu Ling nodded even though Leng Jin Yu hadn't made it sound like a question. "Precisely. And I thought that it was Jinde's fault. Or at the very least, that was what I convinced myself to believe."
Leng Jin Yu raised his brows. This didn't sound like the bad relationship he would have imagined after what Qiu Ling said before. No, it sounded more like what he had observed between them: A good relationship that was even better than what a lot of blood-related relatives had.
He really wanted to ask about it but wouldn't he just be reaffirming what Qiu Ling already thought? That he only cared about Jinde? He didn't want to give him that impression right when he opened up a bit.
Qiu Ling looked back at him and smiled. "You want to ask about the old geezer, don't you?"
Leng Jin Yu didn't know how to react. He wanted to deny it but in the end, he could only sigh. "You said your relationship was bad but now you're saying that you had to convince yourself. It just … doesn't fit together well for me."
Qiu Ling continued to smile. "It's because it was good at first. In fact, I liked him more than my own mother."