At the same time, a certain fallen god had returned to the demon king's palace. He stood in the shadows of the throne room and examined the man sitting on the throne.
Jin Ling had crossed his legs and propped one elbow up on the armrest, his knuckles supporting his head. His copper-colored hair fell down in wide waves that weren't visible at first glance and the light from the braziers glinted on the gem embedded in his earlobe and softened his features.
"Mn …" Xiang Yu tilted his head.
He couldn't deny that the demon king was handsome. The most important was that he was part dragon though. In fact, his blood was made up of equal parts of dragon and demon blood. That was much better than a demon but also much worse than a real dragon. In fact, this was a lot like throwing a coin.
Somebody with equal parts demon and dragon blood might have a dragon form or he might not. He could also be afflicted with either the dragons' or the demons' curse, either loving one person or none. It was hard to tell.
Unfortunately, this was already the best person in the demon realm. After all, fate couldn't be so cruel as to make a demon his lover, could it? No, that couldn't be it. So … it was either the demon king … or that fake dragon. There wasn't anybody else he knew in the demon realm that would fit the bill.
Mn … It couldn't be anyone from before, could it? Somebody from the Nine Heavens? Xiang Yu tilted his head. No, that … was unlikely. It had been so long. The people he once knew … And which god would accept somebody like him? Somebody fallen, somebody … impure. The gods paid so much attention to their image. After running away and marrying into the demon realm, after experiencing all that, how could he just return? No, it was impossible. The one destined for him … had to be either of these two men.
Xiang Yu pursed his lips. He didn't like that fake dragon. He didn't truly love. He couldn't. But … that was still better than being with somebody who was more or less a demon. At the very least, there was a small chance of that dragon feeling at least something. That … was better than nothing, right?
Xiang Yu turned away and returned to his chambers below the palace, sitting down silently. Ah, he didn't want to be alone anymore.
He thought back to that couple he had just seen. How gentle that man had been with his lover, how he had patiently taken care of him, giving in to all of his whims without getting angry … He also wanted that.
Xiang Yu hugged his knees to his chest and stared off into space. Once again being held in somebody's arms, sharing their warmth, taking in the smell of their body, feeling how close they were …
Tears gathered in his eyes and finally overflowed, streaming down his cheeks and dripping from his jaw. He remembered … He still remembered those days in the mortal realm. Lying in Yan Xia's arms … The way he dug his fingers into his robe, how their lips met, their breath mixed … All of it was edged into his memory, unable to be forgotten forever.
Xiang Yu sighed. Why? Just why had he fallen? If he was still a normal god, then he could at least drink the water of the River of Forgetfulness, detach his soul from his body and take another trial. One human life … it wouldn't be enough to erase those memories but maybe it would be enough to make them less painful. Maybe … he could find a little bit of happiness and pretend that such a life was really waiting for him sometime in the future.
Xiang Yu took out the petals of the flower he had picked before. He looked at them through a veil of tears and finally let go. Why should he hold onto them? He knew … Deep down, he also knew it was nonsense. There was no fate to be found in this, no answer to his questions. What Yan Xia had wanted to do, he had done it too thoroughly. In this life, there was no way to escape from his clutches.
Xiang Yu stood up and brushed the petals off his clothes, walking over to the shelf at the side. He picked up the skull that still rested there and stared at the empty eye-sockets.
"You've won. What you wanted … it's been achieved. Are you happy now?"
He didn't get an answer and even if he got one, it certainly wouldn't be what he wanted to hear.
Xiang Yu gently caressed the skull, his thoughts once again traveling back to those days in the mortal realm. How he clung to this man, relished in his company, how he cried when he had to leave him behind, how he was happy when he woke up in the Nine Heavens and found out that not everything was lost. They could still reunite. They could still spend their time together. Yan Xia wouldn't need to stay alone and mourn him.
He hadn't heeded his mother's advice. Ah, how he had cried when she slandered the man he loved, how he shook his head and threw a tantrum, how he finally ran away to be with him, to marry him and live with him until the end of time.
Who could have known she was right? He sighed and put the skull back down, looking at it for a moment longer. Yan Xia … The only man he had ever loved. The one who destroyed his soul. After his time with him, he wasn't even sure if he would ever be able to love somebody else. Maybe … this cruel man was the only one for him.
Xiang Yu turned his back to the skull and stepped through the gate to the High Heavens that he had left open. He looked at Jing Yi who was quietly cultivating while his soul was being repaired. He didn't speak to him. Instead, he walked past him, once again to that fake capital that had been built as a symbol of love.
Xiang Yu once again stopped in front of that palace that he had visited so often after he had fallen and figured out how to enter the High Heavens. Since then Tian had been his only haven but that haven already belonged to somebody else. It was … truly a pity.
"Tian!" He called out, his voice still hoarse from his tears.
Fabric rustled and steps sounded and the door was pushed open from inside. That handsome man looked at him expressionlessly. "You're back already? I guess you haven't come to collect the person you left behind here?"
Xiang Yu shook his head and waited for Tian to come over. He couldn't help but step closer when Tian had almost reached him. He leaned against him, put his cheek against his chest and listened to his heartbeat. Ah, at the very least, there was still this person that didn't mind him coming close.
Xiang Yu's eyes that had involuntarily closed opened again and he looked up at Tian in confusion. "Tian … somebody … touched me today."
"Oh?"
"Mn. Actually, there were two people. One of them patted my head and the other one … he pinched my cheeks."
Tian's usually expressionless face finally showed a hint of surprise and his brows raised. Somebody would pat a fallen god's head and even dare to pinch his cheeks? "You must have met some exceptional people today then. Did you leave the demon realm?"
Xiang Yu nodded. "Yes. I … went to find that fake dragon. He was in the human capital. He … he asked me to help somebody he knew and brought me over. That person … patted my head. He was very gentle. He's very beautiful too!"
"That's nice."
"Mn. I think so too."
"Then why didn't you stay there?"
"They … they're both … taken already. That man who patted my head is married and the other one … his lover is the one I brought here."
"I see." Tian waited but Xiang Yu didn't speak up again. He sighed. "Xiang Yu, why have you come?"
"I … I thought about what you said before. That there would be … somebody I could love. But the only person I've ever loved is Yan Xia. So … could it be Yan Xia was already reincarnated? You know, don't you?"
"Naturally, I know."
"Then … can you tell me?"
Tian looked at him and then turned to the palace behind him. "Do you really want to know?"
"What kind of life does he have? Is he a demon again? If he isn't …" Xiang Yu looked down and his cheeks flushed. Maybe they had another chance? Maybe … things didn't need to end like that.
Tian glanced at him and sighed. "Wasn't it enough? He used you. From the moment he first saw you, he used you. Do you really want to go through that again?"
"So he's a demon once more?" Xiang Yu's expression dimmed, his black eyes turning dull. Ah, why had he hoped? Wasn't it obvious … that he wouldn't have that much luck?
Tian shook his head. "He isn't. He's living in the mortal realm but he already has a lover. They're separated right now but they are very much in love. There … is no place for you in his heart."
Xiang Yu turned away and took a few, unsteady steps. "No place … for me …" Well … Why had he expected anything else? Yan Xia hadn't loved him back then. Why would he suddenly fall for him in another life?
"Xiang Yu."
Xiang Yu turned around at that voice, his expression still crestfallen.
Tian sighed. "Some things just aren't meant to be. Why yearn for a man that shouldn't be with you? He made you unhappy. He turned you into a fallen god. Why can't you let go?"
"How could I let go?" Xiang Yu looked at the sky above them and his lips curved up in something like a twisted smile. "Because everything … reminds me of him. We watched those stars together, we felt that breeze together, we … lived and died together. Why … couldn't he be my other half? The person … destined for me?"
Tian didn't answer. Who knew why fate was so strange? Even he as the supreme ruler of all the realms couldn't do anything about it.
"Tian?"
"What is it?"
"Can I … do another trial?"
"If that is what you want, then I'll make it possible."
Xiang Yu nodded. "I … want to forget for a while. I … want to feel love and … happiness. I want a normal life."
"Then you will get that." Tian turned to the side and his steps took him out of the capital to where the source of the big river lay. He took out a vial and gathered some of the water before he returned to the spot where Xiang Yu was waiting. He added some of his magic, closed the vial and handed it to Xiang Yu. "Just drink this and it'll be like the trial of any god. Make sure your body is safe though."
"Mn, I'll leave it here when the time comes." Xiang Yu put the vial away and looked up at Tian again. "Then … there's this dragon. His soul is badly injured and I'd like to help him. You wouldn't mind if I …"
"No, take whatever you need."
"Mn." Xiang Yu nodded and gave a slight smile. "Then … I'll leave you to Xing again. That … that person over there … I'll let him stay here for a while longer, yes?"
"Yes. It's not a problem. He won't bother us."
"Mn, that's good then." Xiang Yu nodded again and finally stepped back. He took a last look at Tian and then left the capital, going to the source of the big river where Tian had just been.
He took some of the water, dug up a few handfuls of the earth from the riverbed and got up again. With this, he should have enough to heal that dragon. Now, only one thing remained for him to do.
He sighed and put the jar with the earth away. "You'll have to forgive me. Both of you. It … might be selfish but I want to be selfish for once. Can't I be?"
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