Chapter 369: It’s the Truth
The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was the face of the beautiful woman he had seen before.
"Mother …" His voice sounded weak and Jing Yi could feel that there was no strength in his body whatsoever.
The woman sighed. "Child, just what are you doing? Worrying yourself sick until you collapse. Do you want me to worry myself sick, too?"
"I'm sorry." He tried sitting up but as soon as he moved his body collapsed on its own again.
"Just continue lying down, ah." She sighed and shook her head. "Why are you making things so difficult for yourself? How long do you know him now? Four years, five?"
"It's not quite five."
"That's still long enough. You do like him, don't you?"
Jing Yi's eyes flickered. "He said … we were friends."
His mother coughed. "You don't believe that he really thinks of you like that, do you?"
Jing Yi didn't answer. He hadn't until now but … maybe he had misunderstood? Or maybe he had hesitated too long and thus had missed the chance? "Maybe it's better this way. He isn't a god, after all."
His mother tsked. "Don't even start with that. I already said from the beginning that it wouldn't be impossible. As long as you like him we'll find a way."
Jing Yi nodded but his heart was still filled with worry. "Mother … what if he really only thinks of me as a friend? Then …"
"Jing He, my child, he asked you to marry him. Would he do that if he just thought of you as a friend?"
"Then … Then why did he say that?"
"Well, he's a smart man. If he still hadn't noticed that being direct won't get him anywhere and changed his approach, then I would really reconsider if I want him as my son-in-law."
"So you mean …"
"He's obviously trying to win you over as a friend first before trying to talk you into marrying him again."
Jing Yi smiled lightly. "So it's like that."
"Mn. Most likely he'll revert back to his old ways again soon anyway. You've shocked him quite a bit today. So don't think too much. You don't have to decide immediately but if you like him, then you shouldn't avoid him. You know …" She slid closer and leaned forward with a smile. "I wasn't the one who carried you to your bed when you collapsed."
Jing Yi stared at her, not understanding what she was getting at for a moment. Then, his cheeks heated up. "Mother!"
The woman chuckled and leaned back, before patting his hand. "Alright, mother won't tease you any longer. He still hasn't left so he'll probably come by later to see how you're doing. Do you want to prepare a bit?"
Jing Yi opened his mouth but closed it without saying anything. He really wanted to prepare. At least he should take a look at the mirror and maybe change his clothes but … wouldn't he notice? He definitely didn't want that.
"Maybe … Can we just close the curtains?"
His mother sighed but still stood up to close the curtains of the bed. Her figure could only be seen indistinctly on the other side. "Alright, then I'll go and tell him that he can come in."
"Mn. Thank you, mother." He listened to her steps and took a deep breath when she closed the door behind her.
He didn't know if seeing him was right or wrong. Until a few weeks ago he had believed that it wouldn't be a problem but … the more time they spent together the less he could control his thoughts. Where would this lead?
There was a knock on the door that pulled him out of his thoughts and had his heart beat faster instinctively.
"Your Highness …"
"Please, come in."
The door opened and he came over with slow steps. They even seemed a little hesitant.
"I'm sorry for not getting up to greet you. Please, have a seat."
"Mn." The man sat down on the other side of the curtain and looked at him. "You … How do you feel?"
"A bit better. Thank you for … your help earlier."
"Oh, it's … it's nothing. I'm glad I could help."
They both fell silent. Jing Yi really felt awkward. He wanted to say something but he didn't know what. What was he supposed to say in this kind of situation?
His lover seemed to have the very same problem. He only hesitated for a while though. Before Jing Yi could understand what was happening, he had stood up and stepped forward. He grabbed the curtain and lifted it.
Jing Yi hurriedly averted his face. He didn't want to be seen like this by the man he loved. He was certainly pale and his hair lacked the usual luster. He shouldn't see him like this. He should only see his perfect, beautiful side, not … this. Not the ugly truth.
"This … this isn't appropriate."
His lover didn't seem impressed by his protest. Instead, he reached over and gently cupped his cheek. "I was afraid. Seeing you like that really made me afraid. I've never … felt so helpless in my whole life."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault." He sat down next to him and gently took his hands into his. "You … you should probably rest for now, so I won't take up too much of your time. Just … I want you to know that I'm here. I'll always stay at your side. You can … depend on me, regardless of what happens."
"I …"
I know. He really wanted to say that but he didn't dare to. He just looked down at his pair of pale hands in those larger and stronger ones. Being so close to him he really felt especially secure. Naturally, he wouldn't mind depending on this man.
For just a moment, he entertained the thought of leaning forward and falling into his arms again. This time he wouldn't black out, he would be able to enjoy the feeling of being so close to him. He would feel his warmth and hear his heartbeat. He would be able to relax and sleep for a while for the first time in the last few weeks. Although … he didn't want to miss out on even a second with this man. Why should he go to sleep?
As if he could hear his thoughts the man suddenly reached out and encircled his shoulders with one arm. He pulled him forward, into his embrace and against his chest. His fingers slid into his hair as if it was completely natural.
"I love you. I know you don't want me to say such things, you think it's inappropriate but it's the truth. I love you. Since the moment I first saw you I've been in love with you. Whether you reciprocate my feelings or not I will never stop loving you. And I will try to make you fall in love with me.
I'm sure that … one day, we'll be married and then you won't be able to say that it's inappropriate. Holding you like this, making sure that you're alright, that you're not lacking in anything … it'll be … as if it was supposed to be. Nobody will say anything against it."
Jing Yi pressed his eyes shut and his fingers tugged at the man's robe. Ah, how he longed for the future he described … But unfortunately, he couldn't imagine that it would ever come true.
"Aren't you afraid … that we'll be like Tian and Xing? A pair of star-crossed lovers that will just bring misfortune to each other?"
The man chuckled lightly and turned his head a little until his lips seemed to touch Jing Yi's skin. "You just imagined us as lovers. Does this mean I have a chance?"
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