I've written a new novel, and I've asked other novelists what they think of my work. He said that my novel is too childish. Is it really childish?

In the morning, the ringing of the phone woke Yin Zhijing up. Yin Zhijing narrowed his eyes and suppressed his anger." Hello, who is this? Do you know that it's morning?" he asked. You're really disturbing others 'sleep like this." Chi Po's face darkened." Yin, Zhi, Jing, why aren't you getting your ass over here? I've been waiting for you for ten minutes. Why aren't you making breakfast for me?" When Yin Zhijing heard Chi Po's voice, she was surprised in disbelief. Then, she regained her composure." Hey, hey, that's enough. Our contract didn't even mention that we were going to make breakfast for you. This matter…" Chi Po raised his eyebrows with a smile. Why do I remember that the treaty says that you'll be at my beck and call and listen to me for everything? Anyway, I don't care. Get your ass over here immediately. Otherwise, the seasoning will change from two months to three months." Yin Zhijing gritted his teeth and had no choice but to get up from the bed. My great-aunt is coming." A flash of excitement flashed past Chi Po's eyes." Remember, you only have five minutes to prepare. If you're late, I might not be able to do anything." Yin Zhijing quickly hung up. She tidied up her clothes as quickly as possible. He ran to Chi Po's building at the speed of the wind and knocked on the door frantically." Hey, landlady! Open the door quickly! We're going to be late!" Yin Zhijing only had a minute left. Seeing that Chi Po still didn't open the door, he subconsciously wanted to kick him. When Chi Po saw this, the corners of his mouth curled up and he suddenly opened the door when Yin Zhijing kicked it. Chi Po pulled Yin Zhijing into his arms and breathed into his ear,"Little nanny, you're finally here."  Yin Zhijing was confused by Chi Po, his gaze paused on Chi Po for a few seconds. " You're taking advantage of me again!" She pushed Chi Po away." I'm not going to hit you…" Chi Po curled his lips as if he was warning her of something. Yin Zhijing's heart was empty. His raised fist slowly fell. She said,"Beat, beat the eggs." Yes, breakfast will be egg noodles later." Chi Po laughed heartily, his tone filled with adoration,"Hurry up and do it!" I'm hungry." Yin Zhijing went into the kitchen, put on an apron, and quickly made a large bowl of tomato and egg noodles. There were five tomatoes, three eggs, four plates of noodles, and a few peppers that had been ground into powder with a whisk. Chi Po heard the noise coming from the kitchen and subconsciously looked in Yin Zhijing's direction. Yin Zhijing's hair was casually tied into a ponytail. Her natural beauty and brilliance could not be hidden. Yin Zhijing placed it in front of Chi Po with a loud clang and smiled. Hurry up and eat! I'll kill you. Spicy to death, spicy to death. A voice rang in his ears, interrupting his daze. Chi Po seemed to know what Yin Zhijing was thinking. Chi Po raised his eyebrows and smiled devilishly and gently. He pinched Yin Zhijing's smooth face with his slender hands and curled his thin lips." My precious little nanny, you must still be hungry after working so hard since this morning! Why don't you eat this bowl first?" Yin Zhijing was confused and felt that it was strange. Although she was angry, she couldn't show it on the surface. She still put on a pleasant smile." Master, this is specially made by the Lun family for you. I'm not hungry. I want to maintain my figure." Chi Po's smile grew wider than before, a dangerous glint flashing in his eyes," Baby, listen to me. As long as you're obedient, I'll always pamper you." Besides, baby, you're already so thin. If you keep losing weight, you'll be all skin and bones. My heart will ache." Yin Zhijing clenched his fists. Did this monster know something? Otherwise, why do you keep making me eat? Without waiting for Yin Zhijing to reply, Chi Po brought the bowl of noodles to Yin Zhijing." Be good. Finish it. If you can't finish it, you'll have to extend our contract…" Yin Zhijing looked at the bowl of noodles in front of him and gritted his teeth in anger. If I had known earlier, I wouldn't have signed that stupid contract. Aiya, he brought this upon himself! I'm not that bad at cooking. Before Chi Po could finish speaking, Yin Zhijing closed his eyes, picked up his chopsticks, and took a big bite. Oh, tear, so spicy. No, I can't lose face in front of this pervert. This is a disgrace to me. Yin Zhijing endured it and finished half of the basin. Chi Po couldn't help but laugh, pretending not to know anything. Aiya, I can't eat it. Don't force yourself!" Chi Po snatched Yin Zhijing's chopsticks away as he spoke. Yin Zhijing used the red sausage that was red from the spiciness and said indistinctly,"Hey, don't!" Didn't you just say that you would extend the contract if you didn't finish eating? I don't want to keep following you.