should've thrown that coffee at him
"Okay. So in short, after their conversation ended, you showed in front of them out of nowhere, and SPLASH! You threw a whole jar of water on that jerk. As if that wasn't enough, you even blurted out that embarrassing incident of him wetting his pants on rollercoaster in front of everyone! Bwahaha! That's so like you! Though, I am quite surprised you didn't raised your fist this time."
Love N' Cheese
Urban · Sneakycat098
disbelief should be running through Ayana's head right now
"But well, maybe, you aren't completely wrong. It's partially because of that friend too." He shamelessly switched.
Love N' Cheese
Urban · Sneakycat098
a small correction: 'a staff' instead of 'an staff'
So the Characters are fleshed out. That is the first thing, aside from that I have always been intrigued by the idea of making potions and how do they work. There is however a couple of changes I would recommend. The first is to cut down big paragraphs which makes it harder to read. The second is to not use pronouns excessively. Apart from that, I don't see many issues with this. Great writing!
It is good. I just think that if you give a character two options one of them being clearly looking better than the other, I don't think they would choose a demi demon over a demon. You might want to show their thought process behind it
Done. Just divided the chapters in half or smaller, to match the word count
Done. Split them into smaller ones. Each one of them
The plot is good but the SPAG is not...but the plot is good. Nice job author...just a small advise to use Grammarly in the future...it will make it much better
Okay, so your writing style is good. I like the world-building as well, and honestly, there isn't much I have to suggest. Keep up the good work. I like your side characters more is what I have to say
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original The World's Consciousness
4.76
Eric and his classmates are being forced to do an assignment to kill demons by someone they refer to as the 'Instructor'. Anyone who breaks the rules is killed. Even in such a dire situation, they can not bring themselves to trust one another. Follow the events of their lives as they try to survive in a familiar yet unknown world.22 Chs 21 收藏
I am sure this guy was weirded out for a second
Ayana almost flinched from sudden call and turned around to yell at him for disrupting her thoughts. But as she saw his huge body silhouette, she stepped back from fear and responded cautiously.
Love N' Cheese
Urban · Sneakycat098