章節 8: Marriage and professional career
Nobody's life is easy. There is people who have the hardest life, but that doesn't mean there are people without problems in the world. I have always been an excellent professional. However, what caught the most attention in my work were my mannerisms, no matter how much I tried to hide them, people noticed. It's the voice that's louder than the straight man's voice. The walk, the way of dealing with people. All these stereotypes associated with people's sexual orientation.
I felt embarrassed sometimes by the homophobic jokes. Some men at my work said they weren't gay, but that they would pick up any gay guy who wanted to be with them. It's as if the simple fact that a man is gay would choose all other men as potential partners. Which is mistaken thinking. Even though I went out with other men , I never wanted to be with any man at work. Even though some of them turned me on. So, in the face of all the harassment, I just wrote in my notepad.
Notepad on my cell phone:
“Throughout my life I have heard provocations, insinuations about my sexuality. In my first days at the newspaper – Verdade Maranhense – I heard provocations from some boys who worked with me. It killed me inside, I felt ashamed and embarrassed, but knowing that Jonas and my mother depended on the money I sent at the end of the month made me hold on and fight for my space. Now that I’m the best journalist, everything has changed.”
I wake up before my wife, in fact, I barely slept. The day hadn't even fully dawned and I was already in Willian's apartment. He had warned that he would go, as he knew that he ran the risk of finding the young man in the arms of some man, married, perhaps. And I didn't want to go through that situation. The only thing I wanted was to get my wedding ring back.
I manage to get my ring. I'm not leaving right away. That naked man in front of me cancels out all my remorse and the only feeling I have left is the desire to explore that boy's body. “Give it time” I think. And even if there wasn't time, I would have had sex with him calmly. I've always been an impulsive man, I can't resist my impulses. In fact, I believe that I am very intense: if I love, I give myself completely. If I hate it, I walk away completely. After enjoying Willian's body I go straight to the company
I arrive at the newspaper office early, I know that it is a very important day. My father-in-law will announce his retirement and, consecutively, the new editor-in-chief of the newspaper. Someone who knows very well the company's policy, as well as the partners and most importantly, how to obtain new partnerships. I know I'm a strong candidate for the position, because I worked hard for it: I married the company owner's problematic daughter. I have to attend to my wife's every whim at all costs in order to make her happy. I know the company and its partners. I apply the methods developed by my boss and father-in-law. However, there were other competitors.
During the last few days, names of who could be the new editor-in-chief could be heard in the corridors of the newspaper's editorial office. And I had worked hard to get this position, I was already well known in political circles. I knew very well how the public administration of Maranhão worked, so much so that my brother Jonas was director of the municipal hospital of Barra do Corda and also worked at the city's regional hospital, as a general practitioner. Another thing I was proud of was having my brother graduate in medicine.
The healthcare system in Brazil is public, which means that jobs and important positions in hospitals depend on the relationship with politicians. And I built this relationship very well. Therefore, my brother held two positions in public hospitals, earning above the market average salary. Getting him these jobs was very good, because I didn't have to worry about sending money to my mother, the money I had left over I used to pay men for sex.
Little by little, all the employees arrived... until the meeting started at 9 o'clock. Everyone went to the auditorium, where Sandra was already looking beautiful as ever. With her long dress and curly hair over her made-up face. Sandra didn't even look like the angry wife from the night before. Then she started the meeting. He greeted everyone, spoke about the importance of the newspaper for the state and then invited his father, Antonio Braga Sousa, to tell the company's employees about his decision.
The powerful Antonio Braga Sousa, a very wealthy businessman in the State's communications sector, spoke of the importance of press freedom for Brazilian democracy and the need to further strengthen investigative journalism. He talked about his career, now he needed to retire, live a little of what he worked so hard to build. Which would only be possible because I would deliver the newspaper to someone I trust... who would that person be? Everyone waited anxiously for the announcement of the new boss's name.
At this time, people were eagerly waiting to know the name of the newest chief editor. Some expected to hear their own name, as the favorite, Sandra, was not interested in the family business. They said that she had studied journalism just to not disappoint her father, but her real passion was literature, which is why she had left the newspaper and was working on her science fiction novel. It was easy to become interested in literature when you didn't have to work and didn't have a deadline to deliver the text.
- You know that I would be very proud to hand over the editorship of our newspaper to Sandra Braga, but she preferred to follow other paths – says Antonio Braga Sousa, making the candidates for the position even more nervous – but Sandra did not completely abandon the newspaper – he continued – and with her help we decided that the newest editor-in-chief, for his excellent work and for knowing very well the way we do newspapers, is João Neto Almeida dos Santos. – and ended the speech by calling me to the front of the audience.
In the eyes of the other candidates, disappointment was evident. And everyone applauded, even those who had previously antagonized me when I was a young journalist. I gave the speech alongside Sandra, who surreptitiously checked to see if the ring was already in my hand. So, I shake Antonio 's hand , kiss my wife and begin my speech:
- It is an honor for me to receive such a high proof of trust, I assure you all that I will do my best. Our newspaper - Verdade Maranhense - showed me that the truth needs to be told, whatever the cost. And that is what we will continue to do, disseminate the truth so that our readers continue to be informed with commitment and impartiality... – And I continue my speech, I remember my trajectory and the importance of Sandra in my life.
Antonio was sure that the newspaper would continue with the same practice, because in just over two years, he was already taking me to discuss the agenda with politicians and businesspeople. The newspaper's partners and future partners knew the young journalist's fame. I'm not proud of my actions, but knowing that I was in my work made me feel calmer. The truth is that I no longer felt as much remorse as I did at the beginning.
I learned to lie before I even thought about being a journalist for Verdade Maranhense. The lie has always been an intimate companion for me. That newspaper reflected my life, appearances and manipulations, it was not difficult, therefore, to feel at home in the editor-in-chief's office, and to blackmail corrupt politicians and businessmen not to publish cases of corruption and scandals.
And when those involved in the reports contributed to the newspaper, the article was archived. Thus, the newspaper became a partner of the person being investigated and the person being investigated became an advertiser for the newspaper. However, those that did not host the blackmail were bombed and the repercussion in most cases was national, making - Verdade Maranhense - one of the main newspapers in the country.
When I assured in my speech that the work would continue to be done, it was precisely this practice that I was talking about. The problem was that the newspaper wasn't always able to hire journalists with the new editor-in-chief's profile, my profile. Yes, many journalists were angry with the newspaper's practices, as they did not agree with the crimes committed there. These journalists were fired. The newspaper - Verdade Maranhense - did not accept journalists who were not capable of lying.
-- 收到的禮物 
-- 推薦票
榜單 
-- 推薦票