章節 1: Life
Tails always knew he was different. Something was always bugging him in the back of his mind, but Tails didn't want whatever that offered so he decided to bury himself into his inventions. But that only worked for so long, soon he was confronted with it. Inner turmoil commenced and a bunch of blunt force trying and trying and trying later, he now knew something new, something changed, that he was actually a she.
Questions she gave to herself didn't help. Questions to others would be too revealing for her. She wanted to keep this to herself, at least for now. Terrified but also, accepting of herself, that largely worked for her. She could only hope others would accept her. She so desperately hoped. But you can only hope for so much.
Maybe she was grasping at straws. Maybe she was so terrified that nothing would ever come out. On her worst days, she would just lock herself in her room and not come out. Worrying her friends, and then coming out and pretending nothing actually happened. That gave the repercussions of them being even more concerned for her.
Her best days were usually when someone would accidentally call her a girl. Random strangers were a gold mine for this. Even if people did recognize her as a boy in that situation, she could shrug it off as saying she didn't care about being called a girl. People would shrug it off, or call her a good sport for it. The perfect plan for any type of validation.
Home ended up being the worst. Sonic calling her "bro" "dude" "guy" and she didn't like it. All of it messed with her. But she wasn't ready to tell him, so it isn't his fault. He doesn't know. Nobody knows. Except for herself. Sometimes that seemed too good to be true. People could and probably should know by now. She's been super obvious she thinks to herself. Those thoughts don't help her so she tries to push them away.
It got too much sometimes. To the average observer, Tails was just getting sad like a random mood swing occurred. That was not the case though. But, nobody knew, so nobody knew how to help. She would continue being sad until it was impossible to. Until people got too concerned. Until there was a potential for someone to try to help. Sometimes that took so long, people just got more confused. It was an endless cycle of pain for her and others. She felt horrible but she couldn't say anything. Nothing at all.
"Tails, what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong Sonic, I'm just out of it… okay?"
Sonic looked at her sadly. He wanted to help but didn't know how. So there he sat, on the couch with her. But he didn't know she was a she. Tails was a girl and he didn't know that. He didn't completely know her. He couldn't understand, it's impossible. So they just keep sitting there, a boy and a girl, one not truly knowing the other. He wants to get in, but he can't. It's impossible with the current situation that they are in.
'Tails just wants space' he reasons to himself. Bad reasoning but one he can still hold on to. He wants to help, but he can't. He wants to know what's going on, but he can't. He just wants to fix this, but he has no tools to do so, he can't. He wants, he just wants, he just wants to help. He tries but he can't. He can't fix this. No matter what he tries or how he does it.
He goes to his room and sighs to himself. He looks around for a distraction. His phone. He picks it up without a second thought. Looking for someone, anyone! Maybe they can help somehow. He looks for a bit, landing on recently sent messages from many. But a few more important ones. He answers those and waits for a response. Only getting a few back. He begins many conversations, only getting far with a few. He asks for help either getting useless information or strategies he's already tried. One tells him Tails needs space. He's already doing that! He's doing it right now!
He wants to help. He tries to help. But he can't help. It's an endless cycle of debate for him. He wants to help. But he can't. He can't. He can't. He can't. He can't. He can't. He can't. He can't. He can't. He can't. He can't. He can't. He can't. He can't. He can't. He sighs again. An endless cycle. Time is a flat circle.
As luck would have it for him though, Tails seems to be going back to her room. Sonic hears this and perks up towards the noise. He opens his door to look out. Seeing Tails enter and lock the door to her room. Across from his room. He sighs again regretful yet understanding. He walks out slowly and goes down the stairs. Fighting the urge to go back up and help Tails. He reasons to himself that she just needs space. Repeating like a mantra in his head until it sticks itself in.
He reaches the living room as silently as possible, at least for him. He puts on some warm gear for the cold and goes outside for a run. Just to clear his head and distract himself. He needs something else to think about. So he runs and runs. Finding a clearing after a while to rest. Then back to running. He does this for hours and hours, coming back in the morning to enter the house and collapse on his bed.
But Sonic doesn't and probably can't rest for long. That's something he should probably work on. But not right now. 9:38 am the clock reads. He wakes up and goes out. He sees tails, and Sonic hopes the worst is over. It's not, it's never over for Tails seemingly. But he doesn't know that she doesn't even see him. She doesn't notice him coming into view or into the room. She's completely deaf to his entrance.
She just wants this problem to be over and done with. Returning to a manageable state to hold up this lie. She wants to be loved. To be treated as normal. Not as something that others see as a problem or a burden. Even if they are fine with it, everything will change. She doesn't like change. She loathes it. She hates it.
Sonic comes out to the kitchen and waves to Tails. Tails doesn't wave back. Sonic frowns and goes to the fridge. Getting breakfast and eating it across from Tails. He's trying but he can't try forever. He wants to further this to a better place. He just wants to help Tails get out of this funk. He hopes.
He's staring again. But not for long, he gets up and disposes of his food. He tries to clean the kitchen but can't disturb Tails, so he gives up on it. It's not like he could've done that anyways. He leaves the kitchen. But not before looking back to Tails solemnly. He's distraught, terrified, upset and most of all… in a funk himself.
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