章節 3: 《Sad and Astray》
Peep.
Peep.
Peep.
"AXEL! WATCH OUT!"
Peep.
Peep.
Peep.
"MIRACLE! FERRARI!"
Peep.
Peep.
Peep.
"It's o-okay...i-it's not y-your fault. S-Save y-yourself...a-and F-Ferrari."
Peep.
Peep.
Peep.
"D-Don't ever f-forget I-I love you and....A-Autumn loves y-you a-as w-well."
Peep.
Peep.
Peep.
"MIRACLE! NO! MIRACLE, PLEASE!"
Peep.
Peep.
Peep.
"He's shaking! Call the doctor!"
Peep.
Peep.
Peep.
"MIRACLE!"
Shoots up in a foreign room, peeping devices around, wires, bed, alone. Where am I?!
"MIRACLE!" I yell, looking around in horror. Wires connected to annoying peeping machines back to my arm. My sight is kind of blurry that I can't make out where exactly I'm, but this room seems like a hospital's. Where's Miracle? Where's Ferrari?
"FERRARI!" Severe pain shoots in my head as I yell. A doctor comes in, signing to me to calm down and two nurses approach to my sides carefully. I back up on the bed not wanting any of them.
"Calm down, Mr. Hawks, please. Everything is gonna be okay." I shake my head not buying those words.
"We came here in an accident, right? I want to see Ferrari Williams and Miracle Hawks now!" He's about to open his mouth again to apparently protest when I cut him off, "NOW! I WANT TO SEE THEM NOW!"
I disconnect both wires from my arms, ignoring the pain. Hopping off the bed, I lose my balance and fall right on my right side with a piercing pain as I wince. When the nurses bend down, I push them away preventing them from touching me. What are they hiding from me?! What happened to them?!
"WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY?!" Clutching on the bed sheets, I manage to partially stand up with my right side leaning on the bed's edge to support and pressure on it to feel less painful. Before they stand up again with the help of the doctor, I pull the crutch which is lying between their legs and push the chair to the floor to cut their paths from following me.
"DON'T TRY TO TOUCH ME OR IT'LL BE THE END OF ANYONE'S LIFE HERE!" Yelling like a maniac, I limp with the crutch as fast as I can out of the room, reaching the hall.
"MIRACLE! FERRARI!"
"SOMEONE TELL ME WHERE THEY'RE!"
"Sir! Sir, please!" I continue limping, going faster when I hear the doctor's voice behind me.
"Sir, please, stop! We'll tell you! Just calm down!" I stop, turning back to face him. "Where. Are. They?!" He shakes his head with an apologetic look on his face.
"Mr. Williams is in a critical condition. He's currently in the ICU...." He's alive, yeah, yeah. Yes, he's gonna be okay, Axel, yes.
"Miss Hawks....We....We really tried to save her...but....she couldn't make it. We're deeply sorry."
"W-What?"
Losing control over the crutch, it slides off my arm making me land on my front on the floor.
What did they just say?
Miracle is gone?
"MIRACLE! NO, MIRACLE!"
"MIRACLE! DON'T LEAVE ME! NO!"
"PLEASE DON'T!"
"P-Please no!"
"M-Miracle!"
"M-Miracle..."
"M-Mir....."
His consciousness parts him after he couldn't hold onto his crutch any longer. He fell on the floor, yelled her name, hit the floor with his fists and all the control he had over himself was lost upon hearing the grieving news. He lost his one and only source of happiness, love and safety. The first person he loved to the point he would take a bullet for. To him, Miracle was the sister, the mother, the daughter and the best friend. She was everything and for him, life couldn't have dared enough to snatch her away from him that sudden....that way. Axel never knew the taste of valuing someone before her and knew she'd be the first most precious being in his heart forever. He was ready to lose anything, but not those two. Though now, one is gone and the other is hanging between. They say pain changes. But, what if Axel changed? It's scary because...Axel is the type to be feared when changed especially what would change him is a massive loss. That's, certainly, something would never pass peacefully on him.
...
"He's sleeping now. Don't try to wake him up by any means. His nervous breakdown will go even worse." The nurses nod to the doctor's commands, glancing over the 18-year old young man, who just lost one of his dearest members and the other one is still under red light.
The sight of him breaking down in tears, after he seemed to be powerful and ruthless, breaks their hearts, excusing his actions because probably they'd have done the same if they were in his shoes. All they hope for is that he'd be provided the enough strength to overcome this grief and for his friend to be safe and sound.
*2 days later*
"Mr. Hawks, you really have to eat something." I can't seem to comprehend surroundings well, everything feels so light...blurry...unclear.
All I can think of is that I lost Miracle in a car accident when I was the driver. I shouldn't have looked beside me, I shouldn't have lost my focus on the road. I should have delivered them home safely, I should have dealt with shit on my own.
But, I lost it all. I killed my 15 year-old sister. I snatched all the life, fun, youth and happiness she could have lived. Now, she's dead, why not me? Why not me? Why not me?
"WHY NOT ME?!" Ferrari was inbetween life and death, now he's bruised and have a broken arm and leg, why not me? Why did I survive the best? Why am I not dead? Why Miracle? Why Ferrari? Why not me?!
"Doctor, he's worsening again!"
I had to pay for my fault. It's my fault. Miracle, it wasn't yours. You shouldn't have taken it for me,
"PLEASE, COME BACK!"
"Axel, please listen. It wasn't your fault. Look at yourself, you're injured the most. You were highly prone to permanent paralysis for your severe leg injuries or a concussion or even
a coma. Please, it wasn't your fault. The truck crashed your car from the side. It isn't and never will be your fault."
Their words are distant. Their words are so distant, I don't hear y'all, just leave me alone. Leave me alone.
"LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Their figures are getting blurry. They're fading out and my head feels so heavy. I do really wish to die, I don't want to see this world without her.
"M-Miracle..."
*One week later*
*Ferrari's POV*
"Broken left arm and left leg, Mr. Williams." I've got a side paining like hell now. But, it doesn't matter, at least I'm conscious now. The thing is the nurses and the doctor seem so gloomy that it creeps me out. It's like they're the ones in pain not me.
"Axel is charged here, too, right? Oh and Miracle? Are they okay?" They glance to each other upon my question and nod.
"Mr. Hawks will wake up shortly. We'll let him check up on you." I nod back, feeling alittle relieved that they're okay.
I wonder who crashed into us. I've that gut feeling it wasn't an accidental accident. We've got lots of real bad rivals who definitely want us dead especially Axel.
I'm kind of worried if Miracle was injured badly, I'd want to screw the driver up if she's in pain. She is that only lit candle in my dark road. Nothing would ever make me feel like she does. She's so pure like no other I've ever known.
I don't like time passing because it makes me feel like life is slipping away, but I wish I grow older faster to have Axel's agreement on our love. I swore to myself before to him that I'd never hurt her and I'd protect her even if I'll have to lay my life down. Can't wait to check up on her and listen to her scolding about my messiness and smoking habits.
*Axel's POV*
Again. I wake up again. Life can't seem to let me go anytime soon. I'll have to get tortured for the shit I've caused which means I'm living longer on this world.
I'm facing Ferrari with the grieving fact soon. I'm not able to attend her funeral, I can't, I'm so ashamed to watch her go because of me. I haven't taken her revenge either. I can't go face to face with her grave when I'm sure it was supposed to be me in her place.
I lost her. I lost her and I can't take her back. I'm ready to lose anything, but not her. Why? Why didn't I lose anything but her?
"Mr. Hawks, your friend is ready to meet you. We informed him that you'll go check up on him." What am I supposed to do now? What am I going to tell him?
I killed your love?!
She's gone?!
You don't have to wait for me to let you love her cause neither me nor you, will ever be able to love her anymore?!
Taking my crutch under a firm grip, I stand up, rejecting all source of help. Even if it's going to hurt me, it's totally what I deserve.
C'mon life, fuck me up badly for killing my family. For snatching my sister off her life and off her lover. I want to get hurt. I want to pay for what I've done. I hate myself, I hate you world. I hate y'all. Let me die alone. Isn't that what I deserve?
"W-Whi...ahem...which room is he in?" I ask trying to make out an audible sound apart from the flames inside me. The nurse, standing at a near distance in the room, looks at me apologetically with her eyes shining in tears. "Where?!" She flinches at my annoyed hiss, looking down, "Room 405, sir." I limp out, reading the rooms' tag numbers.
400, what am I gonna tell him?
401, is he going to hate me?
402, I deserve it.
403, who did this?
404, I've to ruin that person's life whether it was accidental, planned, fucked up; I don't care. I've to ruin them quadruples the ruin they've caused.
405,.....I entered his room.
Ferrari, I'm sorry.
"A hawk remains a hawk after all, maaaan! How yo doin'?"
His loud, cheerful voice rings throughout the room, killing me even more. I'll destroy this happiness of his, just like what I did to mine, to Miracle's, to the family's. Everyone. Looking up to his face, his grin turns into a slight frown. I know how I look right now.
A breathing dead.
"Y'all are so gloomy, what's up? As if we haven't gone into shit before? Why is it a big deal now?" Pressuring on the crutch until I feel my knuckles draining out of blood, turning white and cold.
"Because shit never involved Miracle."
His eyebrows furrows as his frown grows gloomier. I know Ferrari would not know how to take this news. I know Ferrari will blow up and crash himself and others. He loves Miracle like no other and he turns to a monster to whoever tries to hurt her.
"Miracle...what happened to her? I know she might be hella bruised, but she's...here, right?" I look down with a tremble creeping on my body. I want to collapse so bad, but I can't.
"Axel? What's wrong with her? Axel. What's about Miracle?!" His voice raises showing the fear growing fast inside him. For the first time saying something is so damn hard. I can't seem to utter a word, it's like a monster wrapping thick ropes tightly around my throat, squeezing my neck as if it wants to break it.
"Miracle is okay, right? Why the hell are you silent?!" I shake my head, letting go of the droplets which feel like little thorns cutting me as it trails down.
"A-And when shit involves M-Miracle....she c-can't s-stay."
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