章節 1: The Weight of God
Prologue
There's been a lot on my mind lately. Been thinking a little too much probably.
Been considering and pondering quite a few things, stuff that probably isn't good for me, stuff that I should ignore and shouldn't think on as much as I do. Random stuff also, not even important things just a flooded mind…. Flooded? Flooded… what does that even mean? Eh who cares. I do. Do I? I don't really know what I care about honestly. Honestly? Am I honest? Like, ever actually honest? Well, that's of little importance, I guess. I guess? I don't know.
I don't know anything…. Do I? enough nonsense, although, I love my nonsense I suppose, regardless. One of the random things I've been thinking about is the whole Schrodinger's cat concept… like, I'm unsure of the theory due to me being ill informed, on nearly every topic I'm aware of but I digress. Isn't it kind of like:
Does a lone tree falling in the woods make any sound if no one is there to hear it? If so, can we prove it which we can't really do, can we, anyways isn't the whole premise that something needs to be observed to exist?
Which kind of leads me to think about things like a "creator" regardless of theories and religion, I'd like to entertain that theory and think things like:
God must exist going off that premise of "necessary observer" regardless of whether such a being created the universe or simply is the observer, which makes more sense logically in my humble opinion. That also leads me to the thought that:
Is science and religion mutually exclusive? Which, I personally don't think they are. Whether its god being the engine and science being the applicable theory like engineering or perhaps a better analogy would be God is the universe and science is almost like the "laws" like gravity is a law, God created the law and science explains the law. I like that line of thought quite a bit honestly. A God that stays out of it, just observing his creation. Does such God believe his creation to be perfect? I think the world is perfect personally and someone with absolute omniscience might have a much more confident beliefs on the matter, with infinite knowledge I'm sure he could figure out more than i can, although you could argue that that's just my opinion to start with but whatever.
Now onto the actual prologue of this story rather than some rambling nonsense.
"Who"? Who is "it"? Who am "I"? "Who"...? Yeah, "who" exactly…. "What" exactly. There is a man, or maybe a woman "I'm" not even sure. That person in the foggy, fractured mirror. A mirror is a mirror, mirrors reflect right? Is this a literal, physical mirror or a figurative and imaginative mirror? Is this object in "my" head or not? Well actually where the hell am "I".
As I look at this broken mirror, I wonder, I wonder about all the different blurry selves I see in the different fragments. I wonder about how I interact with different people in different ways, how I "interact" with myself in different ways even. How does one be truthful to others? To oneself, for that matter? It's all overwhelming and overcomplicated with all these different people I juggle on a daily basis.
Is this mirror just in my head and a metaphor for how many people one person can be? Are they all really me? "Me"? Ah I see, back to the quotations Giacomo, and stop talking in third person like that. Whatever.
Anyways, Giacomo is my name, simply Giacomo. At this point I'm entirely unsure of who I'm talking to, but I can keep going because it's flowing well enough or at least on an acceptable level or whatever.
Now, moving on, it seems the sun's going down now, which means trouble. God my internal monologue is so corny at times, regardless, I don't know when or how or if it was always like this but there's something akin to vampires.
Yeah, that's right. The fictional/mythological blood sucking narcissists that live at the expense of other people's life essence.
Oh, my bad. Didn't mean to say something that could potentially hurt someone's feelings, yeah you probably thought I'd say something like that right? Well, not that I really care about some nonexistent persons feelings. Simply due to the fact we're living in a post-apocalyptic world, and everyone croaked a while back, and of course I would care much less about a vampire than said nonexistent person.
Well back to focusing on the imminent peril im facing because of this cliché setting. I slowly but surely make my way into the nearest town, oh and by the way, why I would do that is due to the fact these bloodsuckers normally pack up together because most are, well, practically brainless. So that's pretty much why I'm doing this, this area is completely deserted by most of those fuckers.
Anyway, I climb through a fence of one of the deserted houses and make my way in.
However, this abandoned house isn't so abandoned after all. It appears, well I'm not sure what gender they are due to their androgynous appearance but regardless there sits this small child, probably ten to twelve or so years old in the corner of the room.
They look at me, with intense hostility too, well it only makes sense. A kid in these times is probably lacking any trust in any creature human or vamp.
"Hey kid, looks like you're quite the feisty one. Simmer down though, I have no need to hurt you. Just don't give me one and we'll be cool. Cool?"
"Don't 'hey kid' me but sure whatever. We're cool for now I suppose. Just stay in a separate room though, because obviously I'm not going to just trust you off the bat."
"You seem to be a fairly well-spoken kid and knows their boundaries well enough, how old are you anyways, and what's your name?"
"I don't recall implying that the conversation was to continue but whatever. I'll refrain from giving my age for now but my name is king."
This kid, well he seems to be a he and this thing about his age is sketchy, I wonder if he's older than he looks. That would make sense, anyways enough internal monologue.
"Alrighty, I'm Giacomo. Almost sounds like our names match, don't they? Well whatever and what's this about your age?"
"Leave, this room is mine. The conversation is over for now."
"You don't want me to at least keep watch?"
"Like I said, I refuse to trust you."
"Well whatever, good night for now kid."
As the night drew nearer and the sun took its leave, I began to overthink a little, yet again.
Giacomo is an odd entity, very odd actually. In many ways but whatever enough talking in third person, its tiring and the narrative gets sloppy when I switch like that but moving on.
That kid is pretty sharp, well outwardly rather blunt actually but of course that's a different matter entirely. What should I say to him tomorrow I wonder. First person I've seen in ages so I should probably give it some thought…. Some thought huh well, not like it'll take much effort dealing with some brat conversation wise...
I'll probably regret that sentiment later on but who cares? Not me, at least. By the way that was a rhetorical question, not like you could actually answer me anyways. After all you're me of course.