章節 131: 11. You Raise Me Up.
I woke up in a cocoon of security, the soft sheets enveloping me in warmth. Vague memories floated in and out of my consciousness, but the fog of drugs had finally cleared, allowing me to think clearly. A whirlwind of thoughts bombarded me all at once, causing me to curl up tighter against Charles, my body trembling. Memories flooded my mind, from the torment of that cage to the agony of being raped by those men. Pain washed over me, threatening to consume me, but Charles murmured comforting words in my ear, grounding me in the present, in safety.
"Poor honey," he said gently, concern etched in his voice. "We need to find a way to heal those memories. But for now, are you well enough to take a shower and have something to eat? You're as thin as a rail."
I nodded, mustering my strength. Unraveling completely, allowing my neurosis and memories to take control, would serve no purpose. It didn't mean I couldn't feel or that I would retreat into my shell; I simply needed to function. I had no desire for anyone to delve into my memories. I had been drugged enough, and now with this electric collar and pheromone addiction, it would take time for me to fully comprehend it all. My life remained as chaotic as ever.
Faint recollections of Wulfe crept into my mind, the sensation of drinking his blood, the surge of pure power coursing through me. I rose from the bed, Charles untangling himself and heading for the shower. Uncertainty clouded my thoughts as I contemplated what life would bring next. Whatever it was, it would undoubtedly be another upheaval, further complicating my existence. Nothing could remain the same; change was the only constant. I sat on the edge of the bed, patiently waiting for my turn to shower, determined to move forward and embrace life. I refused to dwell on my weaknesses; instead, I focused on the good things I still had and the possibilities that lay ahead.
Though my body was frail, weighing less than 40 kilos, I knew I could nourish myself, taking it one step at a time. And perhaps, just perhaps, someone might seduce me, filling the void within me. Despite all I had endured, I held no aversion to indulging in wild passion. Not at all. The only uncertainty lay in who, when, where, and how the insatiable hunger within me would manifest.
My vampire side reveled in satisfaction, and it was no surprise that I had succumbed to the allure of Wulfe's blood multiple times. It seemed that my bloodlust had been temporarily quelled, yet I couldn't ignore the newfound strength surging through my veins. This was my life now, growing stronger, becoming invincible, a creature unlike any other.
After Charles emerged from the steamy shower, clad only in a towel wrapped around his hips, I gazed at him with a mischievous smile. He smirked back and remarked, "Calm down, you sex beast. Get yourself cleaned up, and dressed, and meet me in the kitchen. The rest of the pack wants to see you, too."
I teasingly replied, "I'm not entirely sure what I'll do, but I just might seduce you into taking me."
He swiftly put on his boxers, slipped into a pair of jeans, and casually threw on a t-shirt, leaving his hair untied at the nape of his neck.
He grumbled while selecting my clothes, turned around, and instructed, "Hit the shower. Your clothes are waiting for you, so it won't take long to get ready. Then come join us for a meal."
Reluctantly, I made my way to the shower, though I didn't feel particularly dirty. Nonetheless, I decided to wash up, thankful that he had left my preferred soaps there. It could be frustrating to feel so sensitive at times, but I had grown accustomed to it. Time passes, and one learns to accept their limitations. Perhaps my sensitivity acted as a balance to my invincibility and resilience. Maybe it was the universe's little joke, ensuring Damon had his hands full protecting me.
Smiling to myself, I acknowledged the uniqueness of my existence. Some might view me as a superhero, but I felt pain, got hurt, and had emotions. Some might consider my eternal torment a consequence of past sins, but there were also moments of joy to be found. It was a steep learning curve, and although I often blamed myself in certain situations, I had learned to recognize the faults in others as well.
Letting out a sigh, my thoughts wandered to the past, my choices, the what-ifs, and my burdens. This reflection had been triggered by a haunting nightmare, a message from Damien. In the dream, he had captured me while inhabiting Damon's body, drugging me with a cocktail that compelled obedience. He then programmed or conditioned me to submit to him, to be a good girl. And when I was compliant, when I didn't resist his tortures, he would grant me 15 minutes of painless respite. He would temporarily erase the pain. I couldn't fully comprehend how he achieved it, but it must have involved Damon's telepathic abilities and dental substances to achieve that manipulation. Yet, his chilling message lingered in my thoughts, refusing to fade away.
In my memory, I could feel the weight of metals in my body, my back against him, leaning on the couch. My belly was distended, filled with metals, poisons, and the scent of jellies, and herbs lingering in the air. The pain was relentless, engulfing me, but I remained motionless, my arms limply at my sides. I allowed him to massage and press on my swollen stomach, my moans escaping as a release of agony, playing the role of a good girl. He massaged my belly, his hands were relentless, seeing my belly turning black because of the snake venoms and toxins.
In this memory, he suddenly appeared beside me, crouched down, his touch reaching me even as I sat in Damon's lap.
Damien spoke with a sinister tone, his words seeping into my mind, "You see, baby, remember this. I implanted triggers in Damon's psyche, as you may have noticed. But this, this took hold in your mind. So when Damon commands you to be a good girl in order to receive a reward, you will obey him, no matter what he does. And I left a subtle feeling of power within that trigger, so he feels empowered when you comply. I also planted hints of your complete helplessness, that you are under his control and he can do anything to you. So, good luck. I know my baby brother all too well. I raised him, and we have been together for millennia. You have no idea the extent of my influence on him. Perhaps, in his dark desires, you can catch glimpses of me in his eyes, for we were once identical, born from the same egg."
A shiver ran down my spine as I recalled that memory, hastily pushing it back into the depths of my mind, not wanting to dwell on such disturbing thoughts. He had looked like Damon, being his identical twin like then in Bulgaria. That year made me shiver still.
Leaving the shower behind, I reached for my bathrobe, wrapping it snugly around my body, a soft fabric against my skin. With a towel draped over my shoulder, I made my way back to the bed, sinking down onto its surface. Slowly, I dried my damp hair; the strands clinging to my fingertips as I combed through them. I dressed in a simple dress and panties, forgoing any additional adornments. My hair remained untouched, hanging damply down my back. I retrieved my bathrobe and towel, not yet requiring them to be washed.
I walked into the kitchen, and as I entered, I could see Charles and several Salvatores bustling around, the aroma of food filling the air. To my relief, there was no sign of Number One or Mariella.
I tried to shield my mind as best as I could, but Number Two locked eyes with me, grunted, and warned, "You'll soon have a pounding headache when I break through, missy. Save yourself the trouble and don't try to block us. We know about your memories; Charles showed us. Wulfe helped you, so you wouldn't be in that state for six months, but consider it a lesson. Learn to share. You'll soon find out. Wulfe taught us a few techniques to delve into your mind and memories, and it's not optional—it's mandatory."
I looked at Number Two, my memories suppressed, so I allowed him access to my mind. I regained control over myself, making it easier, but I couldn't stop thinking. What I had learned was that the rest of the Salvatores would actually be safer for me. They didn't have triggers in their minds, and they didn't seek to control me. As I approached the fridge, Number One walked in, abruptly grabbing my shoulders and turning me to face him.
He stared into my eyes and demanded, "Show me the triggers I have. I need to know. It'll hurt if you don't let me in."
I let out a sigh, feeling myself slump a bit in his grip.
"It's nothing too significant," I confessed. "Just Damien's influence in your mind. I'm not sure if Mariella has managed to remove them all. It's just my mind and those triggers that might cause me to react unpredictably. They won't harm you, but they'll affect my memories and our relationship."
Mariella joined us by the fridge and urged, "Come on, you heard him. Show us. I need to know what I'm up against."
I allowed a brief snippet to surface in my mind, letting Damon feel the pain I endured when he hurt me, and how effectively I was brainwashed to obey, just to gain a brief respite. He shuddered, trembling, and Mariella enveloped him in her arms, teleporting him elsewhere. Taking a deep breath, I grabbed a few bottles of Coke from the fridge. As I emerged from the walk-in fridge, I noticed that the Salvatores had vanished somewhere.
Sarcastically, I thought to myself, "Well, look at that. I can still handle this. Now, how can I drive him away quickly?"
Charles approached me with a plate of food, not saying a word as he walked away. I wasn't sure if he had witnessed what happened or if Damon had ordered him to leave. It didn't matter; I was left alone with my troubles, as always. My past, my problems, my shit.
As I sat down to eat my meal, my eyes were glued to the screen of my phone, scrolling through meaningless content. With nothing important to occupy my time, I glanced around the dark web just to check work and noticed that my friends, the five of them, were all preoccupied. Even Jarod was busy, leaving me once again feeling alone.
In an attempt to distract myself, I made my way to the bedroom and grabbed my laptop. Indifferently, I started ordering things online, not really caring about what or where. I didn't want to confront the fact that my past had once again driven everyone away, as my trauma was too overwhelming for them to comprehend or handle. Maybe it was easier for them to confront it, but for me, it was impossible. I pushed it aside, refusing to face it fully, as reliving those memories would require me to experience the pain and weakness all over again. If only my memory worked like everyone else's, maybe then I wouldn't feel so isolated.
I climbed up to the roof, seeking solace in the height. Whether it was my feline instincts or not, I didn't know. Perched up high on the moonless night, I allowed my mind to replay everything once again. Maybe it wasn't the pheromone addiction, the electric collar embedded in my neck, or my sedative organ that was the problem. I was the problem. I was too strong, too different. Always alone, I had to be the leader, the example, always at the top. But it was a lonely place to be.
Ironically, I had once had two men in my life who used to understand me, but now, would they still? I was thankful that they were here to see what I had become. I wasn't the same. I was no longer the same species, the same girl they once knew, full of trust, optimism, and enthusiasm. I had become jaded, seen too much, done too much, taken too many lives. They wouldn't even recognize me now, just a mere shell of my former self.
Despite feeling all these emotions, I felt empty and hollow. Familiar sensations that had haunted me for so long. I had never allowed myself to truly feel, always burying my emotions deep within. That was the one thing that set me apart from others. Now I could see it clearly. Mariella, Mimosa, and Shadow, all felt with their whole hearts. Even if Mariella felt jealousy, it was still a feeling. The same went for Mimosa and Shadow. They felt.
Damon felt, and I did not, not so much at least. My lack of feeling was born out of my choices, and my experiences. I just did not want to feel anymore, not so much, and it was just who I was. I had once felt our love die; him hating me. I had destroyed everything between me and him, and nothing had been the same ever since. My choices shattered the love between me, Charles, and Adam. They had not trusted me since, not like they once did, and I could not blame them. But by sacrificing everything that was important to me, I had gained the power to ensure Damien's destruction. However, he had done his utmost best to haunt me beyond the grave, making my life even shittier.
I sat on the roof, the cool breeze caressing my face as I questioned my choices, my sanity, my life. Was there anything left of me? The sun slowly rose, casting a golden glow over the world. I watched as the day unfolded, its sounds of chirping birds and distant traffic filling the air. The scent of fresh dew on the grass lingered, a reminder of the world still moving around me.
It had taken a long time for Damon to feel anything for me. Even when we had our first children, he still felt nothing. I had been nothing more than a mandatory evil to get pregnant so he and Mariella could have babies. It had been a long and lonely time, but it also marked the beginning of a careful friendship or alliance with Wulfe. He had been there for me, offering mysterious advice and trying to help. As the saying goes, one door closes, another one opens. Maybe my choices led me to have Wulfe in my life, and for that, it was worth it. He was not my lover, but he was almost half of me. He understood me even deeper than Jarod, and that meant a lot. We were both strong, weird, and burdened by our past and decisions.
I had no idea how long I had sat there, lost in my thoughts. The sun continued its journey across the sky, painting vibrant hues of orange and pink as it set. I briefly went into the kitchen for a meal, but the house was empty. They had been moved to Ireland, leaving me alone once again. My past had driven them away. I returned to the roof, the coolness of the surface beneath me grounding me as I let my mind wander over the countless choices and regrets in my life. So many things I was powerless to change.
每周推薦票狀態
-- 推薦票
榜單 
-- 推薦票