章節 15: I'm such a horrible person

Ben

I wake up to Aiden holding me from behind. I sigh. His warm breath tickling the back of my neck. I could stay here forever. My ass hurts though. I can't even remember how many times we did it last night. Aiden was right about keeping me up all night. I turn around so that I'm facing him and snuzzle up his neck. God he is so warm. I inhale his addictive scent. He tightens his arm around me and I bury my face in his neck.

I feel blood rushing in his veins. My gums start to ache. I shift uncomfortably. I inhale his scent which makes the urge to bite him stronger. My canines lengthen as they form fangs. The urge to bite is too strong. I lick his neck. He moans in his sleep. The sound of his blood flowing is mesmerizing. I open my mouth and I slowly bite down. Just as my fangs break skin, Aiden startles awake.

"What the fuck?" He holds his neck. When he looks at his hand, there is little blood there where my fang pierced the skin. My mouth waters when I see the beautiful red liquid. I move closer to him wanting to taste it.

" Ben snap out of it." He says firmly but all I see is the blood. I hiss at him angrily and jump up to him. He quickly pushes me on the bed and pins my wrists above my head.

"I said snap out of it!" He snaps at me. That's when my senses come back. My fangs retract.

Tears fill my eyes. I sniff.

"I'm sorry I...I don't know what came over me..I'm sorry." I cry.

"Hey, hey its okay baby. It's not your fault. " He gives me a soft peck on the lips. " don't cry okay. It's just that you are still a baby vampire. I will help you learn how to control the urge okay." He kisses me again then wipes my tears.

" I'm not a baby vampire." I mutter pouting. Aiden chuckles

"Yea you are." He kisses me again then carries me to the bathroom.

We stand under the stray and kiss for the longest time. He washes me and I wash him in return. When we return to the bedroom fully clothed. We eat breakfast.

I look at the closed curtains then back at him.

"So can I walk in the sunlight?" I don't know why I never bothered to ask but I'm curious.

"Yeah you can but you are not gonna like it. It won't kill you but it will irritate you. You will be sun burned in record time." I sigh in relief. I honestly do not want to stay inside the whole day.

"Do you think your pack will accept me now that I'm a vampire?" I ask quietly. Aiden looks at me with that intense gaze of his.

"I don't fucking care about them. You are mine either way." He says finishing his breakfast. I've already finished mine which was 3 bags of blood.

I stand up and take his plate to the sink to wash it. An intense pain hits me in my temple. I cry out clutching my head.

" baby whats wrong?" Aiden is besides me in an instant.

"I don't know, it's just a headache. I think I'm going...aaah."I hits me again and I lose my balance but luckily Aiden is there to catch me. My vision becomes blurry.

"Ben, baby what's going on are...." i hear him like I'm underwater. I blank out.

"Seth wake up." I open my eyes and see Damian staring at me with a scowl in place. What the fuck am I doing here? Then I realize I'm not in my body. I'm watching it like in a movie. I watch myself as I seat up.

"What the fuck you want?" I reply to an irrated Damian.

"The Queen wants to see you asshole. Hurry and fix yourself." Damian moves to the door and pauses, "ooh and Seth, I love how you moaned my name last night. Atleast when I'm fucking you, you aren't an asshole." He smirks.

"Ooh fuck you." Seth snaps.

"It's the other way around baby." Damian chuckles and leaves the room.

"It's a good thing you know how to fuck or I would have killed you a long time ago." Seth mutters.

"I heard that." Damian shouts. Seth just groans and goes to the adjacent room which is a bathroom. I watch him as he takes a bath. He looks exactly like me. He has blond hair, blue eyes, boyish charm. That's me. I can't ignore it now. I can feel what he is feeling. I can hear his thoughts. The only difference is that it's like I'm replaying a memory. There is no doubt in my mind that Seth is me.

He dresses up into a black 3 piece suit. Damian was right this is my style. Walking out of the room I follow Seth as he moves around. Other vampires greet him with a bow which he ignores. He looks like royalty and behaves like one. I see a young woman who looks thin and underfed being drank from by another vampire. Seth just moves on and doesn't bat an eye at that. Was I really that cruel? No this is cannot be me.

Finally Seth arrives in what looks like a throne room. The throne itself is made up of gold and different shiny jewelry. It's hideous. The woman sitting on the throne is wearing a red dress this time and her black hair is flowing down.

Seth kneels infront of her. She smiles.

"My child, how was your night?" She asks with amusement in her eyes. Seth glares at Damian who is standing next to the throne smirking.

" it was good my Queen." Seth says

"Just good? Damianios I told you to give him his reward. Don't tell me you have been reduced to just being good." She says her gaze flickering from Seth to Damian.

"I gave him his reward my Queen" Damian says.

"Mmmh ooh well. I have a new mission for the both of you. The new General of the West is rising up fast. Rumor is that he is more powerful than me. I don't like being challenged. I want you both to go there as guests for his upcoming ball. Seth you warm your way to his bed and lower his guard. Damian be close just incase it fails. Now enjoy yourself my children and be good."

"Yes my Queen." They both say at the same time.

This feels wrong. I can feel power radiating from the woman. She is far more powerful than Seth and Damian. I can also see that they admire her and also Fear her.

The next thing I know I'm in a different place. It looks like a bar. A very old styled bar. All around there are bodies. There are bodies all around me. I look at my hands and realize I'm covered in blood all over. I want to scream and cry out. I look around and see Damian who is finishes drinking from a poor young girl then tosses her away. The only thought I have is that I just ruined my favorite suit.

I registers to me that I'm a killer. I've killed hundreds of innocent humans. I've killed more vampires than I can count. I've killed even more Wolves. I hated Wolves. I seduced men with my innocent looks and they always fall prey to it. Damian was right. I am more evil than him. I deserve the worst kind of punishment there is.

The things I've done, i'm ashamed of myself. I can't believe I ever thought i was a good person. There's nothing good about me. I'm a monster.

When I wake up next from my memories and nightmares. I'm back at the pack house. Aiden is there waiting for me.

"Hey baby how are you feeling?" He asks me helping me sit up.

"I'm such a horrible person." I cry. Aiden looks confused but he tries to comfort me.

"No baby. You are not."

"No!" I snap at him. He looks surprised. "You wouldn't love me if you knew the things I did. Who I really am. Just leave."

"I don't understand Ben. I love you, that's what matters." He tries to take my face in his hands but I push him hard he flies back and hits the wall. I'm stunned for a moment. I look at my hands.

He looks at me with a surprised expression.

"Just fucking leave me alone!" I don't know why I'm angry but I am. I can't help it. He stands up and walks out and shuts the door. It shakes and I'm worried that it might break. Luckily it doesn't.

I pace in the room. What am I even doing here? This is not me. I'm not this innocent guy. Fuck!. I want to scream. I close my eyes. I can smell the others in the house. There are so many Wolves.

Maybe I'm doing it again. I'm using my innocent looks to seduce Aiden then I will kill him. No, I love Aiden. Would I really kill him? Aargh I'm so frustrated. I need to leave. I need to leave before I hurt him or anyone I love.