章節 188: Fleeting Shadows of Desire
Xianyue remained silent. She had considered that the Lan Kingdom's troops under Cheng Qiang's command would arrive in Yecheng in a day or two. Even if Chen Ruoxi had said nothing, she would still need to leave the Bai estate for the camp soon. Yet this was the first time she had been shown such blatant distaste and dismissal. She did not enjoy this new feeling; except for Lan Yi Xuan, she disliked speaking in riddles with others. If Chen Ruoxi wanted her gone, she would have preferred a straightforward approach. That courage born of love might even have earned her respect.
Chen Ruoxi cautiously glanced at Xianyue. Seeing her silence, her heart began to race with apprehension again. "Lady Xianyue, I didn't mean anything by it. It's just that I see how exhausted the Young Master has been lately, working late at the barracks and leaving again at dawn each day."
Xianyue let it go, convincing herself it was just her own overthinking. She wanted to have a good impression of Chen Ruoxi, and though she tried to understand Bai Zhanfeng, she wished Chen Ruoxi could see what Bai Zhanfeng hoped she would do—that, after all, was most important. Her so-called gestures of care were not necessarily what he desired. Even couples truly in love can struggle to overcome misunderstandings, much less one-sided affections. Sometimes, her idea of kindness only served to widen the distance between them.
"The Lan Kingdom's forces will arrive in Yecheng soon. I'll leave tomorrow," Xianyue said.
Xianyue's gaze on Chen Ruoxi made her visibly startled, and a slight smile played at her lips as she looked down and sipped her tea.
Chen Ruoxi's face burned in embarrassment; she hadn't expected this outcome and felt a twinge of awkwardness. She indeed didn't want Xianyue lingering here any longer. She had wrestled with her emotions every day, torn between joy and dismay.
At first, she had felt happy—rarely did the Young Master return home. Each night, she waited up until the next morning, only sleeping after he'd left. But each return only brought disappointment. Even if he came back, he still never visited her courtyard. Once, she'd waited by the main gates, only to watch him turn away with the same resolute indifference, leaving her with nothing but his departing silhouette.
What hurt most was that every night he'd visit the Rose Courtyard. Knowing well that Xianyue was now someone else's queen, no longer his, and knowing she was likely already asleep—or if not, wouldn't come to meet him—he still lingered there for hours. Xianyue would never know how it felt to watch the man she loved, her husband, gazing toward another woman, nor understand her envy of Xianyue's peaceful sleep. She could never grasp what it was like to witness such betrayal.
Chen Ruoxi's hands clenched tightly into fists on her lap, holding her breath as she watched Xianyue. Xianyue, seeing this, guessed that she had something to say, but remained patient. Though her empty stomach reminded her that she hadn't eaten, she could bear this minor hunger, so she was in no rush.
"Lady Xianyue, I truly love the Young Master," Chen Ruoxi suddenly stood and said, "I wish he could love me too."
Chen Ruoxi's gaze brightened as she spoke, as if the mere expression of this simple desire brought her joy. The corners of her lips lifted involuntarily. Xianyue had never felt such satisfaction from love herself; though her circumstances differed, they were both ensnared by love's web. She loved Bai Zhanfeng, yet he ignored her existence. As for herself, after everything she and Lan Yi Xuan had endured, she had believed she would find happiness. But reality proved otherwise: one was her dearest love, and the other her closest kin. Chen Ruoxi likely thought Xianyue couldn't understand her pain, while Xianyue's heart ached with the knowledge that fate kept her apart from the man she loved.
When Chen Ruoxi thought of Bai Zhanfeng, at least she could smile, holding onto hope. But each time Xianyue thought of Lan Yi Xuan, it only brought her sleepless nights, her heart throbbing in pain, as if clogged by an invisible weight.
"He sees everything you do, and one day he'll understand what you've given him," Xianyue replied, her tone calm and steady, like her heart. She did not approve of Chen Ruoxi's actions, but she could still sympathize. Few can remain rational in the face of love; she only hoped that Chen Ruoxi could understand this and refrain from straining her relationship with Bai Zhanfeng.
Chen Ruoxi's eyes brightened, yet she watched Xianyue's departing figure, contemplating her words. She hadn't expected that one day she would stoop so low for love.
"Do you really believe that day will come?"
Xianyue did not answer. Rising, she walked to the window. In truth, she did not know the answer, but at least she still clung to hope. She no longer had the strength to struggle.
She had once thought that leaving Lancheng, distancing herself from him, would erase everything. But distance had done nothing to numb her feelings. Whenever she was alone, her mind would rage against the memory, and hatred for Liu Xinyou would surface—a resentment so deeply embedded, one that surely surpassed Chen Ruoxi's in intensity.
As she passed Chen Ruoxi, she reached the door, the night sky already darkened. The lights beneath the eaves were lit; tonight there was no moon, but stars adorned the inky sky, casting a soft glow along the long corridor.
"If you don't try, how will you know?"
Her words drifted softly through the night breeze, reaching Chen Ruoxi's ears. Chen Ruoxi turned, staring dazedly at Xianyue's retreating figure. How could Xianyue know she hadn't tried? Since their marriage, she had bent over backward to please the Young Master. Yet what did she gain in return? Except for that one time when he was drunk, he had never touched her. After that, he only grew more distant. If not for Xianyue's presence in the Bai household, he wouldn't have returned at all. The old master longed for grandchildren, yet he rarely discussed this with his son, leaving all the weight upon her. She had also longed for a child, but with the Young Master constantly at the barracks, and now abstaining from drink, he never came to her, making any hope for a child seem impossible.
"Then put in just a little more effort. You've only been married to Bai Zhanfeng for a short while. Since you've decided to spend a lifetime together, time is still on your side."
They had only been married for half a year. Back then, Nian Xiaoyu had dedicated three whole years to Bai Zhanfeng, enduring ridicule from the martial world and facing countless hardships. The pain she suffered, the torment she endured, far surpassed what Chen Ruoxi was experiencing now.
Chen Ruoxi was the cherished daughter of the Chen family, but Nian Xiaoyu was no less adored. As the daughter of the Martial Alliance leader, the people of Qiutian Villa had treated her with utmost care. When she first left Changtian Villa, she was still so young, yet she managed to persevere for three years amidst the dangers of the martial world. Had it not been for Bai Zhanfeng's unyielding heart, who knows how long she might have continued? In comparison, Chen Ruoxi's legitimate status held so much more promise.
Chen Ruoxi remained silent. After all her efforts and patience, she felt herself on the brink of despair. Every time she considered giving up, a sense of unwillingness would rise within her. Seeing Xianyue only strengthened her resolve to take Xianyue's place in the Young Master's heart. Yet, as days passed and she watched him linger outside the Rose Garden every night, the spark of hope she had managed to ignite began to fade, little by little.
The night breeze was cold and damp, brushing against her face with a penetrating chill that seeped through her clothes and into her skin, making her shiver.
Xianyue stood outside, her jet-black hair dancing in the breeze along with her pure white gown. Chen Ruoxi, still within the room, was nearly overcome by the biting chill. After a long silence, she spoke first, "Miss Xianyue, you haven't had your dinner yet, have you?"
Xianyue didn't turn. She only replied softly, "Mm." Given that Chen Ruoxi's maid had been stationed outside the entire time, she couldn't possibly be unaware that Xianyue had just woken and hadn't yet dined. She'd been waiting by the door all afternoon, and as soon as she awoke, there Chen Ruoxi was. When would she have had time for a meal?
"Would you care to join me for dinner?"
Xianyue turned, a gentle smile on her lips, and asked, "Would you like to stay and dine with me?"
Chen Ruoxi was taken aback, unsure what to make of the invitation. After a moment's pause, she returned the smile and shook her head, "I just ate recently; I wouldn't want to intrude."
Xianyue's smile remained unchanged. "Then I won't insist."
Since she had no interest in staying, Xianyue saw no reason to press the matter.
No sooner had Chen Ruoxi left than Xianyue's meal was brought in. Having promised to depart tomorrow, Xianyue intended to keep her word and cherish this final dinner in the solace of the Rose Garden.
She was halfway through her meal when Bai Zhanfeng suddenly arrived, cheerfully taking a seat across from her. Xianyue looked up and asked, "Why are you back so early?"
With a playful grin and a hint of mystery, Bai Zhanfeng looked at her, his face full of joy. Seeing him like this reminded her of the uninhibited, spirited Bai Zhanfeng from before.
A delicate fragrance drifted through the air. Xianyue closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and, with a broad smile, leaned in toward him. "Pear Blossom Wine."
She knew that scent all too well.
Bai Zhanfeng laughed, placing the jar on the table. "Thirty-year-old Pear Blossom Wine."
Xianyue snatched the jar with a delighted grin and lifted the lid. The intoxicating aroma filled the air—it was indeed a rare, well-aged wine, far richer than the Pear Blossom Wine she had tasted on Lihua Mountain.
"How did you come by such a fine drink?"
Her smile stretched wide with joy, clearly elated. Watching her, Bai Zhanfeng couldn't help but laugh—he had known she would love it.
"A subordinate of mine, someone who shares your love for wine, happened to be at the Xinglong Inn today. The innkeeper, celebrating his seventieth birthday, dug up several jars of wine he'd buried long ago. My subordinate, being well-acquainted with him, managed to procure two jars and thought of you when he heard you were staying here at the Bai residence."
Xianyue laughed as Bai Zhanfeng spoke. She had already taken a sip of the wine. As expected of a thirty-year-old vintage, its fragrance was rich and heady, and the taste lingered, leaving a delightful pear blossom aftertaste that spread through her mouth with just one sip. This was true thoughtfulness.
"Such fine wine—I must thank him properly."
Licking her lips, Xianyue smiled even brighter. "This last supper could not have been more perfect."
Drinking in her melancholy, she felt an indescribable satisfaction.
"Last supper?"
Bai Zhanfeng placed another jar before her, his brow furrowing as he asked, "Why call it that?"
The jar was small enough for Xianyue to hold with both hands. She grinned and nodded vigorously at Bai Zhanfeng. "I'll be returning to the barracks tomorrow."
Setting down the jar, she leaned toward him, "Why don't you come back with me tomorrow? You've been running back and forth between the barracks and the Bai residence lately; you must be exhausted. Let's sleep in tomorrow and leave once we're well-rested."
The smile on Bai Zhanfeng's face froze as he stared at Xianyue. "Why so sudden? Are you unhappy here?"
Bai Zhanfeng turned toward the guards by the door, his brows knitting together in thought. He had noticed their presence when he arrived but hadn't given it much thought. The Rose Garden had never been guarded before.
Before Xianyue could respond, Bai Zhanfeng had already turned back to her, his dark eyes fixed upon her, hiding a simmering anger. "Did someone upset you? Did someone say something?"
Xianyue held his gaze, momentarily speechless.
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