章節 2: You can be a kid again
The Life and Times of an Average Coward
Chapter 02: You can be a kid again
[This is supposed to be italicized part for emphasis but this site doesn't allow it]
~…..~ - this is for flashback or something
*-*-*-*-*
'So I died right?'
The blurry image of a gigantic figure loomed at my face for the nth time, its giant fingers caressing my overly fat cheeks as if I were some newly discovered species.
'Or maybe I am? I won't be so surprised if that's the case.'
But for some reason, I never flinched once or got scared at all.
And I've been doing that a lot lately.
(By that I mean, the not getting scared part.)
I know to myself that I'm a coward. A scaredy cat if you will. A chicken or some other possible adjective that is equivalent to being a wuss.
(Horror movies and I don't get along, that's why I never bothered on watching one because the last time I [did] watch, I was escorted out of the cinema after five minutes into the movie for fainting. After I woke up, I fainted again out of so much mortification and Mama being who she was, just cancelled all of her plans and just brought me home while I'm still passed out. In the end we just watched a bunch of Studio Ghibli films and enjoyed ourselves. You see my point there?)
I would jump whenever I hear sudden loud sounds, which was embarrassingly enough, was most of the time because of my sharp ears. Some noise that would be a little bit inaudible to others sounded way too clear for me, I love my ears, but sometimes they just don't cooperate with my system.
So for me, it's such a surprise that I'm not being hysterical for the last three days with all of this. How I just died via gun wounds, but somehow was still breathing and [inside] of a baby's body.
The end part probably takes the whole cake of why I should be panicking, it's the greatest of all concerns and completely unheard of.
(Of course it's unheard of, who the hell would say that out loud without being mistaken as a nutcase? Though there were testimonies about it all over YouTube, saying they've seen glimpses of their past lives.)
Maybe it hadn't sunk in yet. Denial or shock or whatever the hell am I experiencing right now.
I can just see myself breaking down in the near future after it sinks in.
*-*-*-*-*
~The next day~
Oh.... My ...God...
Holy sweet baby Jesus on a manger.... Dear God no...nononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononinonononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononono..... (contd...)
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(Sorry to interrupt what you're reading but the MC is not available right now, we are switching to third person due to the author's incompetence to sustain you the MC's hysterical point of view that is nothing more but the currently repeating word 'no' with no spaces. As you are reading this, the MC is still with her mantra of nos at the moment so just keep reading even if this part is utterly useless and pointless. If you still wish to continue then carry on with the madness and you are forewarned that the next parts.)
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'Nonononononononono!!!!!!!!! There is no fucking way is this ever even possible!'
'I mean... what the...'
A cry left my lips and I wailed like the baby that I was. The giant woman that had been tending to me was humming now, her body swaying slowly as she carried me. Her voice was soft and caring I could tell, but my brain could care less about it, since this is all just plain impossible right?
'I must be dreaming.'
(But does the dead even dream? I know that I died for sure, I felt my beating heart stopped and all the silence rushing into me for who knows how long. I knew that I died at that moment, basking in Mama's breathtaking smile.)
'But what else could explain this?'
Everything at this moment defies all logic, heck this woman shouldn't be this nice to a supposedly dead teenager like me. Or maybe, she was not a regular woman, maybe she's actually an angel and she's looking over me.
'Her voice is really nice, I feel sleepy.'
Maybe I should just take a nap and worry about this later.
'Yeah, that sounds like a great idea.'
Without my permission, my eyes closed shut and the last thing I saw was a familiar breathtaking smile and a pair of warm golden irises.
"Sleep well, my Senritsu."
*-*-*-*-*
The days passed on and the woman remained a constant.
She was there when I cried, she's there when I'm hungry, embarrassingly enough, she was also there whenever I wet or soil myself and the reminder of being a baby [of all the damned things] is really, really hitting me in the face that [this] is my reality now.
This is all real.
Not a dream, [no matter how hard I wish or dream it wasn't it'll remain the same]. I'm a fifteen year old girl stuck in a tiny helpless body somewhere in fuckwhere Japan where diapers are nonexistent and gas lamps where still in use.
I know for sure that this is probably Japan because Nihonggo was my third language, English and Filipino respectively being my first and second language. I have the mixture of Eastern and Western blood running through my veins, Mama's Japanese while the-man-that-is-certainly-not-my-father was American. The man who took care of me since I was really young, and certainly the one I think as a father, was a Filipino man who works for us as a Domestic Helper. He taught me a lot things about life, he taught me how to cook, handwash my own clothes, and of course his language so that we could communicate to each other better. Plus back then, I was just four and I thought of it as our own secret language.
He loved me like I was his own child and I felt the same for him. He even lets me in on the video calls to meet his wife and children, when Mama and [that guy] started yelling at each other. His family were so nice and sweet just like him and I can tell that they love each other very much.
And me, as a kid with only one awesome super parent wished for that too. And I was hopeful that my parents would come through their problems and that [that guy] would stop drinking at some point.
(But even as a child I know that it wouldn't be like that at all.)
He shielded me and became my shelter when everything went to shit with [that guy], he even punched the asshole once when the sperm donor beat me up for pursuing my 'utterly useless talent' and he even told me that no one could ever hurt me anymore.
He was my Nanny and Daddy in one and I hella cried when he went back home to his family. Actually, we both cried and I was full on wailing but I know that he has his own family to get back to and they were waiting for him to come home. I know to myself that he also stayed longer because of me, so I wasn't selfish enough to beg him not to go.
He was a constant for me in the twelve years of my life and we still kept in touch after that for three years.
(I wonder how he and his family are doing now? I bet they're doing just fine. And Goddamnit, I was about to personally meet his eldest son for the first time the next day before I died. What a shitty timing to die.)
The woman deeply reminds me of him and Mama. Which makes everything a whole lot painful but also bearable. She was someone who feels like the people I loved and it's another reminder that it will never be the same again. The life that I lived before was gone, it's definitely depressing if I think of it that way.
All of it would just be memories, memories that in time I would forget.
(No, I won't forget it. Even if it's easier to do just that, even if remembering makes it all the more painful and [oh God I'm not getting it all back]. I'll remember it and be happy that all of that happened to me, that I had a wonderful mother, a caring granny and a supportive father figure. I won't let it all go to waste.)
I was a sad, depressed crybaby bag of potato for a whole month and a half, mourning about the life I left behind. Even if I was like that, the woman never lost her patience and remained caring and loving just as the first time I met her.
It came to me that she was my mother after a week of her constant presence and soothing lullabies. I never really blamed her for any of this, she just wants her child to be healthy and happy like any loving mother would to her child.
I'm the type of person who could hold a grudge depending on what kind of shit the other person did to me or someone I care about, and that grudge would stay if I kept being reminded of it, but otherwise I would just let it go and move on.
(A great example is my beef with [that guy].)
I could easily get annoyed especially if it's something I'm [very] particular about or just a plain pet peeve of mine.
The woman was someone I couldn't even hate in the first place, because she did nothing wrong, just someone unfortunate who had won the cosmic lottery to have me as their child.
Why did God let me in on this second chance thing? I'm not even as deserving as those children who died way younger without enjoying or ever living their lives. Children who died of sickness, starvation or those stillborn babies that didn't even got a glimpse of what the world was like were those who should be in my place.
Mine's a bit short too, but at least I got to experience a decade and a half in the world healthy and with a loving family.
(I shouldn't be the one here, I was already satisfied at my go in life even if I do have more things that I want to accomplish.)
'Heh, but even if I brood about it, I can't really do anything about it can't I?'
…
For several months I mulled over it, my other senses developing along with it. I could see her now – my mother – and she was as beautiful as I expected her to be, but younger than I thought she should be.
She couldn't be any more than just in her late teens, with fair complexion that contrasts her long straight black hair. Her cheeks were naturally rosy and her lips was pinkish that were always held in a tender smile.
It's her eyes that I find the loveliest of all her features. It was an unusual golden amber color that always has the shine of deep love and kindness. It was not a natural eye color but somehow, I don't find it disturbing like the colored contacts people wear. They're all glassy and fake, to doll-like for my liking.
(Doll eyes are pretty creepy in my opinion, they always looked like they were staring right into your soul, and they did say that spirits could possess a doll through their hallow eyes and that makes it all scarier if anything.)
I think when I first saw them, I stared a bit too long that she started giggling that I was being cute or something, then she proceeded to squeeze me closer to her chest. It wasn't the greatest of experience for me so we both cried in the end.
(She cried because I cried, isn't she cute?)
I could freely admit that I'm starting to like her, but there's a small part of me that refuses the thought of it. Because [what if I'm just using her to keep the pain at bay? What if I'm just using her to replace the hole that Mama left?]
(I don't want to do that to a wonderful young woman.)
"Senritsu? You're looking a little too serious there my little Songbird." A soft voice came from above, and seeing the dangling piece of keratin, I grasped it with my tiny hands.
I looked curiously at it, like it was the most interesting thing in the world and I know that the young woman (a teen actually) was watching me as I do so.
For a moment I mulled over it inside of my head, unknowingly pouting and as a result earning a surprising high pitched squeal from Suzuran, the woman's name, that scared the crap out of me.
Tears welled up in my eyes but I fought the instincts to just cry my eyes out. Once I managed to held back my crybabiness, I glanced back up in those doe like golden eyes that held the same message everytime I look at it.
("I love you." It says, nothing more, nothing less.)
With all the concentration and willpower, I controlled my heavy tongue to do what I want.
.
.
.
"...L've 'ou, Kaa-'an."
.
.
.
The resounding shriek of joy after that was unsurprising and I just braced myself for the oncoming suffocation session. Her beatific smile made her face glow with nothing but sheer joy, and the clear tears in her eyes doesn't deny the warmth and brilliance that it held.
(But even if she's my Kaa-san now, Mama was still Mama and no one's gonna replace her. Kaa-san and Mama are a little different, they aren't very alike but also alike at the same time. It makes it harder and easier to accept that fact.)
I answered her with a smile of my own and I hoped that it had the same radiance as hers.
*-*-*-*-*
I'm a year old now, hurray for surviving a year on this backwards world.
I've come to terms that not only was I reincarnated but that I am also reincarnated in an entirely different [time period].
What if I'm even in an entirely different universe?!
(Oh, I dearly hope that that's not the case.)
The kimonos, the lack of plumbing, appliances and the lack of thermostats and electricity, because 'Goddamnit universe, I'm gonna be fucking freezing to death when winter comes.'
The quaint house that Kaa-san and I lived in was a little away from the village, surrounded by the forest and a clean river stream close by where we get our water supply. Despite that it's only us living in this area, there no sense of loneliness in the air, nothing but calm and peace that was brought by just one woman.
My ears seemed to have an exponential upgrade since coming into this world. They don't only hear the ones that were the faintest of sound, but they could also hear what would be considered inaudible to the human ears.
It was strange and scary at first, because I could hear all this sound from different living creatures, and being surrounded by the forest where there were a lot of life resided in was not helping. But in time I managed to work with it as white background noise.
Suzuran or Kaa-san, has this very distinct sound from her heart, like wind chimes in a gentle summer breeze, its constant tinkle kept my mind at ease and calm, just like the woman herself.
"Senritsu, why don't you come over here!" My staring match with the crow on one of the lower branches of the peach tree was interrupted by the sudden call of my new name, but before I went off and toddle towards Kaa-san I gave a little nod to the bird in farewell, weirdly enough, it nodded back.
'Oh God! It nodded back! Is it a bad premonition or something?! Crows represent Death, right?! What if that was actually Death?! What am I going to doooo if I die again because of it—'
"Senritsu? Where are you?"
Shaking my head to take away the scary thoughts, I hastily toddled to her with an answer. "Kaaaa-saaaaan! I'm 'ere! There' a s'ary 'row out 'ere!" I looked back up to the branch where I've last seen it.
"KYAAAAAA!!!!! IT'S MISSIN', IT'S OUT TO GET ME!!! KAAAAAA-SAAAAAANNNN!!!!" I cried out in fear as I hurried over to Kaa-san who was waiting by the porch of the house, a scarf over her slim shoulders.
"Now, now," She smoothened my hair with one warm hand. "I'm sure the crow doesn't mean any harm and even if it does." She grinned, giving a glimpse one of her baby canines. "Kaa-san is here to protect you." Then she engulfed me in her warm embrace with a joyful giggle.
She meant the words she said, no taint of lies, just plain love. I hugged her back as I closed my eyes in bliss. "I love you, Kaa-san." 'I wish it could stay like this forever.'
"I love you too, my Songbird."
.
.
.
'But that's just wishful thinking isn't it?'
.
.
.
*-*-*-*-*
"Hey! Give that back!"
A snort. "Why would I? It doesn't even suit you." There was a round of mocking laughter and the kid tossed the object he was holding to the other taller brat.
Gee, I already know that I have split caterpillars for eyebrows you don't have to rub it in.
"Yeah, and what are ya' gonna do about it, Senritsu?" 'Get it away from you and start running you little asshole, ya think I'm gonna fight when I'm just a two feet toddler?'
The name that my mother lovingly gave to me was spat out as an insult, making my frustrated tears well up even further, with my hands clenched tightly in a fist. Anger rose inside of me as the bully waved the embroidered cloth around like a flag.
I waited for him to lower the precious gift back down, before I jumped up to reach it, only for it to be raised back up again. "I said give that back to me!"
"Oh, is [Senritsu] going to cry again? What a crybaby." The brat sneered down at me, enjoying what he was seeing.
'Come on Senritsu grow a fucking pair, you're so pathetic that you get picked on by snot-nosed brats!'
With all the anger that I could muster, I held back the tears from falling and glared at him with all my might, I snorted. "As if I'm going to cry, you, you stupid fuc— muffin fudger!" I gave him a smirk, which was probably not suitable for my young face. "The only reason you pick on me, a [helpless] little girl because you can't pick on the other kids, you, you," 'What was that word again?' "Weakling! Yeah, you're a weakling for picking on a little girl like me!"
I pointed at him with a devious grin on my face, an idea coming into my mind to get the headband but also leave unscathed and a winner. The grin widened further when I saw someone who'll give me that overwhelming victory.
'I'm gonna show them.'
The children took a step back in surprise. "And Daiki-ojiichan told me that when you're a weakling then it makes you unmanly." Little boys like to think they're tough all the time, don't they? Why not use the toughest guy's name in the village?
(Though Uncle Daiki is such a softie towards me.)
And everyone knows that Daiki-ojiichan and I are close. "So you guys are both unmanly [and] weaklings, isn't that right Daiki-ojiichan?"
A shadow fell amongst us small children, the bear of a man making himself known by patting the brats' shoulders with one of his meaty hand. "Right you are, Brat! Now," He grinned, showing rows of his pearly teeth and making the two boys grow pale as a sheet. "Why don't you guys apologize and give something back to the little lady?"
The two nodded before hurriedly apologizing to me, shoved the embroidered headband to my hands, almost making me fall to my bum, then ran towards whatever hole they came from.
'Ha, pathetic muffin fudgers! Victory is taken by this two feet scaredy cat.'
A large hand stabled my footing and I looked up to meet the grizzly face of one Daiki-ojiichan. "You alright there, Brat?"
I grinned back at him with one tooth missing. "Thanks Daiki-ojiichan! You saved me back there."
Scratching his bearded chin, he crouched low to meet my eyes, but compared to my small frame he was still completely massive. "Haha, anything for a ['helpless'] little girl like ya." Then the man proceeded to flatten me with head pats.
(I'm no dog you old man.)
See, he's more of a Mama Bear than anything.
I puffed out my cheeks as I tried to remove his heavy hand from my messily layered hairstyle, and I'm telling you it is [h e a v y.]
'What does he even eat anyway? His torso could be five of me.' "You know, I'm only helpless because I'm two. Not because I chose to." Which makes me seventeen if you include my past life.
Seeing my fruitless effort to remove his hand, he ruffled my hair harder while laughing that full bellied laugh of his, and after getting satisfied with the mess he made, he finally removed the offending appendage. "Ahahahahaha! Sometimes I forget that you're just a Lil' Brat with the way you talk, you sure know a lot of big words for a snot-nosed kid. Suzuran is teaching you pretty well, ahahahahaha!"
Huffing, I tried to fix the straight black locks (which I inherited from Kaa-san) and then proceeded to put on the bandanna embroidered cloth that Kaa-san gave me. The cream colored bandanna was handmade, made by Kaa-san herself. The embroidery is amazing and the flowers – I don't know its name – and the little sparrow that was sewn in it looks as if its alive. She gave it to me when I turned two years old, giggling and being adorable.
"Of course she is! Kaa-san's the best!" Though I already knew how to talk without her teachings more or less with grammar errors here and there, but overall Kaa-san really is a great teacher all things considered.
I let out a small 'eep' when I felt myself getting lifted to the air and in no time, I was placed on top of broad shoulders with two meaty hands holding my feet for security.
And because I was such a wuss, I glued myself to the large man's head with everything I have.
.
I hope he doesn't notice the fact that I pulled out some chunks of his hair.
(Though he did earn it for surprising me.)
"Hey old man, I've already told you not to do that! I told you [not] to do that! I'm gonna die young if you keep giving me heart attacks!" I cried out as I grasped his curly dark brown hair with my tiny hands, tears welling up in my eyes.
(What's with my eyes anyway? They tear up really fast, is it the genetics? I think Kaa-san was the same.)
Daiki-ojiichan's shoulders started shaking and once again, I gave out a scared shriek when he started billowing with laughter, his head thrown back with the force of his laughter, his caramel colored eyes shut in bliss, and his back bent as he let out loud guffaws, scaring a large number of villagers in the vicinity.
(His sound was like a beating drum, heavy and loud, but rhythmic and relaxing. It's a great sound.)
To them, Daiki was a bear of a man with a frown always seen on his face. A smile is only ever present if the burly man was doing his work or when he was mocking someone, but those chances to be seen was rare since Daiki-ojiichan likes working alone and he wasn't one for unjustified cruelty.
Unless the person in question deserves it and was absolutely stupid. Daiki-ojiichan doesn't tolerate incompetence at the slightest.
So, to see him laughing with the village's 'most uncute kid ever' on his shoulders was probably a sight to behold. And up until now, I still don't how I managed to become close to this man.
"Ojii-chan!~ Please stop it or I'm gonna fall on my head and die! I'll die I tell you!!!" The man still kept laughing, ignoring poor me. "Uwaaaahhhhhh!!!!! You're being mean again!!!!" 'I take that back! We are not close! Not close at all!'
He's secretly planning to kill me like everything in this world!
And if I die earlier than expected I'm so gonna haunt this man's ass and let's see who'll be helpless at that point.
'Just you wait old man, just you wait.'
"Uwwaaaaaaahhhh!!! Please put me down noooowwww!!!!!"
"Ahahahahahahahahaha!"
~.....~
"Ahahahahahahaha! Why don't you live a little? It's not like the rides would kill you kiddo."
"Uwaaaahhhhh, it certainly can! Hindi mo ba alam na maraming namamatay dahil sa pagsakay sa mga rides! What if that thing isn't secure?!"
(TN: "Uwaaaaahhhhh, it certainly can! Don't you know that a lot of people had died by riding those! What if that thing isn't secure?!")
"Hibiki, don't be like that to Ricky, why don't you guys have fun while I go get us some lunch."
"That sounds wonderful Ma'am, I'll take care of her as always."
"W-wait Mama! Don't leave or I'm going to die! Mama!"
"Oh come on, don't be such a kill joy we're in an amusement park ."
"B-but what if—"
"Kaya nga exciting, the adrenaline rushes through your veins and make you feel even more alive."
("That's why it's exciting, the adrenaline rushes through your veins and make you feel even more alive.")
"I don't need to feel more alive than I am now, and I'll be happier if I [stay] alive!"
"Ahahahahaha come on Anak, pagbigyan mo naman si Tatay oh?"
("Hahahaha come on my child, why don't you humor your Dad?")
"..."
"O-okay... but if I die I'm so gonna haunt your ass— Ow!"
"Watch your tongue young lady!"
~.....~
For some reason, the people here kept reminding me of the old days.
.
.
.
'I miss them.'
*-*-*-*-*
"Kaa-san?"
"Yes my child?"
"Why am I," 'How do I say this without making her cry.' "Ahh... Why do I look... ugly?" 'Oh Gosh brain, way to go for coming up with that. '
There was a beat of silence, and the woman look surprised at first, but then after some time her shoulders started shaking, her eyes being shadowed by her hair.
"...Kaa-san?"
Out of nowhere, arms were suddenly grasping me towards a generous-sized chest, curtains of hair blocking my vision with my breath escaping me almost too quickly.
'This is what I get for being a very slow moron.'
My face was probably turning red with the loss of air and my eyes watering in response to the lack of air.
"NowSenritsuwhoevertoldyousuchathing?You'renotugly,you'reabsolutelywonderfulsweetie.Wonderful,sweet,kind,adorable,cuteandsimplylovely—"
'A-air! I need.... air or I'm going to die again.'
With all the precious oxygen that I still have I opened my mouth. "...A-a-air, need air..." I heard a loud gasp beside my ear and I was suddenly yanked away from her massive chest, a frantic hand smoothening my forehead gently, removing the stray hairs from my face.
"Oh God! I'm so sorry! Are you alright Songbird?! I'm so sorry!" Tears flowed out of her golden eyes like two rivers and I would've laughed if I wasn't too busy inhaling and filling my lungs with much needed air.
'I thought that I was really gonna die again.'
"Kaa-san is really sorry, she doesn't mean to strangle you! So please don't be mad! Kaa-san wasn't trying to kill you or anything!"
'I wouldn't be able to get angry at you even if I want to. Seriously though, I thought I was going to die via suff–hugging. That would've been another new kind of patheticness.'
"....Aghh... It's alright Kaa-san. I know that you don't mean it and I'm sorry for upsetting you."
"Oh my baby, Kaa-san is really sorry but," An ominous aura started rising from the woman, her luscious dark hair started floating like one of those white ladies on horror movies and I can't help but freeze and let out an 'eek'.
"Of course I would be upset! Who told you that you that you're ugly?!" She started leaning down on my face and quite frankly, I'm starting to get scared.
"Agatsuma Senritsu!" 'Gosh she's using my full name now.' Warm hands took hold of my shoulders. "You. Are. Not. Ugly. Period." Now her hair started falling back down again, is my Mother secretly an esper or something? That phenomenon wasn't normal, right?
(The rattling wind chimes got back to their gentle ring.)
Her golden eyes, the eyes that I love so much looked at me so tenderly.
I'm so glad that I inherited that from her.
Her long dark hair caught the remaining rays of sunlight, making it glow ethereally and it swayed on the cool breeze that promised a chilly night.
Her smile was something else entirely, sad yet happy at the same time, there was pain hidden underneath its beauty and I stared in awe at the picture it all creates.
(Have you ever looked at a woman so beautiful that it just makes you wanna cry?)
"You are beautiful my Senritsu." Her voice was sweet, a bit of sadness blending in as she touched my split caterpillar for an eyebrow. "The most beautiful thing I've ever seen, a life that I can't help but wonder how I even created, that me and your..." There was a small hitch in her voice, her eyes watering. "...Tou-san created."
From the moment I was born I've never seen my Father on this life and I never questioned Kaa-san. When the topic was brought on by someone, Kaa-san would always have this far-off look in her eyes and a painful dip on her smile. Yes it did made me curious, but I don't like seeing the face she makes when people talk about him.
But from what I knew, he wasn't a terrible person. He was kind, strong, caring and brave. Too brave that he died when he protected the people from a rampaging bear who wasn't able to hibernate. A bit stupid though, since he left my young Kaa-san all alone to raise me. I'm not angry at him, I don't really know who he was so I can't judge him for everything.
Her thumb rubbed my cheeks lovingly and I leaned into her touch. "So don't ever say that about yourself Senritsu, my beautiful Songbird."
.
.
'You're wrong. You're the one who's beautiful, but I guess I could take that.'
.
.
I'm really blessed for having two great Moms, aren't I?
*-*-*-*-*
創作者的想法 
XielleSky
XielleSky It's finally here! And I'm so glad to all your positive feedbacks and support. I enjoyed making this chapter and Senritsu's Mom is cute in my opinion. I know that Canon!Zen’s mom abandoned him and all that, but this is my story, call it a creative change or something. My grammar and spelling is still lacking since I’m not a native speaker so I take constructive criticism on that and sorry in advance for any mistakes taken.
And here's some name explanations that no one really cares about.
Suzuran's name means "Lily of the valley" or "Spider Lily" and those white flowers means "Sweet" in Hanakotoba.
Daiki's name means "Great Tree".
Senritsu's old name "Hibiki" means "Sound" or "Echo".
Senritsu's name uses the Kanji that means "Melody" or "Tune" which I think suited her best and it sounded pretty close to Zenitsu. Back when she was getting bullied her name was spoken as an insult because the word "Senritsu" could also mean "Shudder" or "Shiver" and another meaning for it is "Horrible", "Hair-raising" or "a sorrow".
That's all for this chapter so see you guys next chapter and I also have wattpad account under silencexxx106 if you guys wanted to know.
Xielle~
每周推薦票狀態
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榜單 
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