/ TV / The legacies (HopeXOc)
摘要
Guys this is my second novel and I also don't own any of the character in this except for my pc.
Sypnosis : Alex Brown was a typical orphan boy whose parents leave in orphanage on his birthday. he live a life with very difficulty always bully in orphanage. The only thing he like to do was watch "The originals" series and he also develop a very big crush on "Hope Mikaelson" . One day he was going on street then suddenly something falls on his head from sky and next second he was dead.
標籤
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榜單 
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22評論
3.65
- 寫作品質
- 更新的穩定性
- 故事發展
- 人物形象設計
- 世界背景
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寫檢討
The idea is not bad, it's just too fast paced for me and needs a check via grammarly before posting a chapter ...............................
I'm going to write a totally objective opinion, so author-san don't feel offended. I don't know what you have planned but in any case the story has no future or at least you will most certainly abandon it. Why is that? Because the authors of fan fiction self insert often think that it's cool to have OP characters who have everything from the beginning, but it's totally the opposite. You won't have anything to write because your character will solve everything with a snap of the finger. You won't have any relationship to develop because your MC already has what he wants without making any effort. Finally you will stop because you won't have fun writing the story anymore. It's like playing a game with cheats code, it's fun at the beginning but you quickly get bored... Another problem I had with the reading is that you don't use proper punctuation (like using "" for conversation) and a lot of other things but I don't have time to list them. In any case try to take into account what I said my critique is benevolent.
The quality of writing and the lack of punctuation simply makes it impossible to read properly (don't tell me it's like that because it's not your first language, it's so bad that I don't doubt you're in elementary school...). The stability of the post is practically negative, the author has practically left this story. From what little I've read, the story developed horribly... with no explanations of necessary things, and lack of details. About the characters, all I can say is that it's bad, without depth or meaning, without the feeling of something human. And the bottom of the world doesn't even fit into something, I can't even describe it... (written in google translator because I don't even know English properly, it's kind of pointless to complain about the writing with me using the translator, but you'll understand if you try to read this story)
Trash Sfrrrreeeehhshehhejehehejejjehehehehehhehehehehdhhdhehehehehehehehhehdehehhdhdhdhdhjdjdjdjdjdjjdjdjdjdjjdjfjfjjfjfufufjrjjrhjejehehh
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Super rushed and kind of un interesting. There’s no build up and no story, the mc is a stranger to us and is kinda weirdly obsessed with hope. I understand he is with her but it was weirdly one track and boring. Overall not great and too rushed.
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I like it it is a change of pace ..,,..,.,..,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,..,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,..,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,
I'm gonna be honest, the whole mate thing is stupid af. It's just an excuse to be lazy when writing romance. Like, what's there to read? Hope is basically in love with him already.
moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrmoreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrmoreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrr
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Just read all of what you have out and my only real problem is certain things are fast-paced and the grammar but other than that I really loved it can’t wait to keep reading more [img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend]
Everyone Author here, many are saying to make Bella and Alex brother and sister and many are saying to make Rosalia as mate bond. If I try to make mate bond with Rosalia I will have to shift storis line many years later of the plot. So should I make Alex Bella's missing brother? Or add Edyth as mate bond.