章節 24: Famous Author (6)

Edited by: Kuro and Lille

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When Ian and Valerie were alone, the two looked at each other as if there was a tactical understanding between them. They knew each other for so long, they didn't even have to say anything to know what the other was thinking.

At the same time, they said what needed to be said.

"She's the one." "He's the one." Valerie was the former while Ian was the latter.

The two sighed as they stared at one another. They both knew each other quite well. So well that they both knew the other was also gay/lesbian without even having a conversation. They did have a conversation for shits and giggles, but they never felt the need to come out to one another.

They have known each other since they were 5 years old and got engaged a year ago due to their parents pestering them to get married to someone. In a heteronormative society, it was scary to come out, especially to come out alone. They decided to get engaged, maybe even get married until they found the one they were looking for. Shockingly, they both found the love of their lives at the same time. Truly, they were best friends.

"What do we do now...?" Ian was the first to ask. He regretted stating he had a fiancée, but he didn't want to lie.

Valerie wanted to cry. "I don't know, but she definitely didn't look at me."

"If he is gay or bi, I think he's going to ignore me after finding out you are my fiancée..."

The two sighed once more. It was going to be a rollercoaster of emotions and one hell of an explanation.

*****

Calvin had the driver drop Lucy off first and arrived at his own apartment close to midnight. He didn't say anything and he didn't feel too well so he wanted to go inside to be in his own space.

When he got inside, he closed the door and slid down with his back pressed against the door until he was sitting on the floor by the entrance. He didn't say much, but he felt his heart hurting knowing that Ian already had a fiancée. It made his heart want to shatter into pieces. He had already thought about accepting the man's love, but now he was hesitant. He forgot the man did not have memories as he did.

Rapid thoughts flooded his mind. What happens if Ian didn't fall in love with him again in this life, and it was only Calvin who loved God System? He was already regretting not reciprocating the man's feelings in the last world until the very end. And now he was scared that he wouldn't be able to have the love of this man once again.

To give up and not hurt himself, or should he chase Ian until he could not chase anymore? But how about Ian's fiancée, Valerie? She seemed like a nice woman and he didn't want to harm her. He didn't want to cause drama or chaos just because God System didn't love him back in this world.

[Host...] System 225 was at a loss. Even he felt it was odd for God System to not be at the Host's side. [Maybe there is some special circumstance as to why they are together and in actuality, they don't like each other that way.] System 225 was spot on, but they didn't know that.

"It's fine, System. You don't have to try to cheer me up..."

Calvin slowly got off the ground and moved to his computer. He took the business card out of his pocket and was going to put it where he kept all his business cards and saw that Ian's card was black with white lettering. He didn't have much on there except for the company he worked for, his title, his name, etc. On the back, Ian's phone number was written in white ink.

White ink was not something that people brought with them unless they were an artist, did Ian like to draw? Well, the man did carry around black business cards so maybe it was normal for him to carry around white inked pens? He felt that there was so much he didn't know about God System.

"System, how does interacting with God System save him?"

This was what he wanted to know. What was the point of coming into contact with him? Did he have to? He didn't want to feel this way though… He wanted to love but if love always hurt him what was the point?

[Your first contact with God System in each world would allow me to tap into a part of his soul sequence. Each soul has a structure that is similar to DNA. This sequence can mutate, break off, be built upon, and healed. As a System, especially one that is detached from the command center, I am able to help God System speed up the process of healing. But God System unconsciously builds new sequences or heals them on his own as he takes energy from the world in which the original body is occupying. He doesn't have a System to tell him what he must do, but his soul is able to guide God System to do what his body has intended to do to get that energy.

[The more you interact with God System, the more I can do to help him. I can speed the healing process so it doesn't take God System a ridiculous amount of worlds to be healed. If we are able to interact with God System all the way until we complete an A-ranked world, he should be fully healed by then.]

"Would God System be able to retain some of his memories if he is healed faster?"

[Yes that is correct, but he would have to accompany you through all the worlds you go into. Even so, I don't think you have to worry too much about that...]

"Why do you say that?"

[You two have a bond like no other. His soul would definitely follow yours given how possessive and powerful God System is towards you. He stayed by your side even if you two weren't officially together in the last world. It doesn't matter the body that he is in, he is sure to regain his instincts once you come into the world. Especially so if you two continue to come into contact with one another.]

Calvin felt a bit better hearing what System 225 said, but he found it hard on him. He wanted to trust God System, but at the same time, he wanted to hold God System and keep him to himself so he could feel reassured. Those feelings suffocated him, but it was the only way he knew how to love.

Calvin knew he had a twisted sense of what love was, but his problem wasn't on the feelings, but on the notion of how to express love. He knew he had to figure out how to portray his feelings of love. How to make it understandable to his partner, but also respect his partner. It was all so new to him.

He could only remember how his ex-husband expressed his "love" if that was even "love." It was cruel and degrading. He didn't want to be like that, but his mind only saw that. It was all further reinforced because of his time through the Villain System. Most of the people he became had some kind of twisted view of love. The ways they expressed it was especially brutal and that was if they even had those emotions.

He wasn't like that ex-husband of his or those villains who were blinded by love and used violence to reinforce it. He wasn't a monster and he didn't want to be one. Thus, he decided to at least talk to Ian. If they communicated, things wouldn't be misunderstood. If he got to know more about Ian, his fears would die down. Maybe... maybe Ian would fall in love with him too in this world. That was all he could hope for.

Calvin took a couple more deep breaths before finally calming down.

He decided he would interact with Ian as much as he could. He would help him and stay by his side even if it meant that Calvin had to watch Ian fall in love with someone else… watching over him. It was the most he could do for now.

Calvin knew he couldn't focus too hard on Ian and had to go back to his missions. Missions had to come first before God System. Even so, he still wanted to drag his lover with him as he completed those missions. For now, he couldn't do that, but maybe in the future worlds, he would be able to…

He truly fell too hard. His mind was always occupied with finding God System and loving him in some way. This love of his was a blessing and a curse.

As he was thinking that and placing the card on his desk by his keyboard, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He thought it was Lucy checking with him to make sure he got to his home safely, but it was Ian. He didn't click on it, but read it from the notifications bar.

Ian: "Hey Calvin. Sorry to message you so late. After coming home, I realized that I would like to get to know you more and become friends. You don't have to if you don't want to, but if you are free, we should grab dinner or lunch sometime soon."

Calvin couldn't help but smile as he read the message. It made his heart feel warm when he thought of how Ian was thinking about him too. Even if it wasn't in the same way, it still meant he was in Ian's thoughts.

By the time Calvin came back to reality, 20 minutes had already passed by since he got the message. He quickly sent a reply back.

Calvin: "Hello, sorry I just saw your message. I would love to have dinner with you. I am free whenever, so give me a date and time."

Ian, who was patiently waiting by his phone with a cold face, jumped up with joy when he heard his phone vibrate. Seeing that it was Calvin, his face instantly lit up. It took him forever to figure out the perfect response. The two were nervously texting one another, but their hearts felt warm and happy.

That night, Calvin was trapped in a cycle of nightmares, the last one was the worst for him…

Once again, Calvin woke up in the middle of that apartment. It was eerily quiet with no artificial lights on, just a small stream of light coming in from a window into the cleaned room. The room was at the same temperature all year round just like he remembered. It never changed no matter how hot or cold it was outside.

Calvin looked around and felt his body tremble. He fell to the ground and gritted his teeth.

He knew it was just a nightmare, but they always got him when he was at his lowest point. They waited for him to drop his guard before attacking him.

*Click*

Calvin heard the sound of the door unlocking. He frantically rushed over to the door. He calmed his breathing and waited for the door to open.

When it did, Calvin saw Ian instead of Derick. He was shocked, but he still greeted him as he would to Derick.

Ian smiled and gave Calvin a kiss on the cheek. "I'm home."

"Welcome home." Calvin smiled while taking Ian's briefcase from him. "How was work?"

"A bit tiring, but we were successfully able to create this program that..." Ian was zealously talking about his work. He didn't go too much into detail, but it was enough so that Calvin could understand the importance of the program.

"How about you, @$#!&%?" Ian said a name that he couldn't hear, but he ignored that.

"My day was fine, Ian."

When he said Ian's name, Ian stopped moving. He stared at Calvin, eyes filled with fury. Not knowing why Ian was angry, he blinked his eyes a couple of times. With each blink, the blurry visage of Ian turned into his ex-husband, Derick.

Calvin immediately stepped back. His face filled with horror as he looked at Derick's angry face. Derick put down his coat and slowly walked towards Calvin who was staring at him up against the wall.

"Who is this, Ian, that you are speaking of?" Derick said, cracking his neck and knuckles as though he was getting ready for a fight and was trying to intimidate the other person. The sound echoed throughout the apartment. It was so quiet, a pin could drop and draw their attention away.

"No one! It was my mistake. A slip of the tongue. I was in a daze after reading a story with the main character who was named Ian." Calvin quickly explained hoping that Derick would buy that excuse, but the man didn't buy it. Derick was too clouded by anger to even register Calvin's explanation.

Seeing Derick raise his hand, Calvin quickly shut his eyes. He was begging. Begging for someone to wake him up. Begging for System 225 to show up. Even hoping that Ian or even Damien to come and save him.

He felt he was going back in time. Hopeless and useless. Couldn't even move. Shaking. He was so scared that he froze up.

The years in the system blew up in smokes, leaving him defenseless. He was once a martial artist, a cultivating genius, a boxer, a special ops, a shadow guard, a knight, etc. He had so many different lives where he had to fend for his life.

But in front of his worst nightmare. The man who did more damage to him than anyone else even more than the Villain System, Calvin felt like he was just a rag doll.

That's wrong, I am not a rag doll!

He knew this was a dream, but he couldn't change the way he talked or how he thought. Like he was a puppet and a puppet master was controlling his strings, making him move in ways he knew he wouldn't.

He knew he was stronger than this! Begging? Why was he begging for help? But the Host stopped struggling and watched himself live through this dream.

After the first punch to the face, he numbed out. He couldn't feel the constant kick to his gut or the strangle at his neck. He laid there, giving up on resistance. He didn't say a word because his body was fighting back how he really thought and wanted to act.

This isn't me, I would fight back.

He laid on the ground for who knows how long. Calvin saw Derick sitting on the couch in front of the TV. He was watching the news in peace, as though he didn't just beat his husband who was laying on the ground nearby. It was as if he didn't see the man bleeding from his mouth or the bruise around his neck.

Calvin turned away from him and began to crawl on his stomach to get to the door. He didn't care that Derick was still in the same room, he just knew he had to get out of there.

I'm stronger than this. I know I am.

As he slowly dragged his body on the ground, he saw two men standing by the door. One was Damien and the other was Ian. The two looked dazzling next to one another. They seem to have noticed him and looked at him with confusion. They didn't recognize him.

"Damien, Ian..." Calvin called out to them, looking up at them. Pleading with his eyes to help him get out. He just needed to leave. He didn't care where they took him. Anywhere was better than here.

I don't need to rely on them. I am strong. I am also just as strong. Why are you calling out like this? You are able to take care of yourself and you know that!

But then his eyes widened in horror. Next to the two men were Alec and Calvin. They held the hands of their lover and looked over at the Host. They didn't say a word, just looked back and smiled at their lovers. The door opened, and the four walked out. Ignoring the Host who was still on the ground.

"No, please don't leave me here! Someone, anyone, please help me!!"

He screamed at the top of his lungs, louder than he could have ever imagined. He felt like his voice was cracked and hoarse from his shouting but he wanted to get out as soon as possible.

Stop screaming! This is a dream! You aren't there anymore!

At that moment, he felt someone grab his right ankle. He turned around and saw Derick smile.

"No matter how far you run, you can never escape."

The Host sat up from his desk panting and trying to catch his breath. He didn't even remember when he fell asleep. He wanted to get a little writing done because he couldn't sleep earlier, but he somehow fell asleep without knowing.

His heart was beating a mile a minute and felt like it was going to break through his chest. He tried to calm himself, but couldn't get his breathing to pace itself. Slowly, he looked around the room. The street lights illuminated his room, casting shadows whenever lone cars passed by. He could see the usual books on top of his desk and around the room. The computer was in sleep mode, waiting for any movement from its owner to turn on.

The darkness permeated into his skin, sinking into his bones, and creating a chill that shivered up his spine. He brought his legs up, hugging them to keep in the warmth. He could still feel the pain in his abdomen, the ache in his heart, and the taste of blood in his mouth. It all felt too real, but it also felt so fake. Like someone was behind the scenes, pulling at strings like he was nothing but a puppet. Whispering lies into his ears and showcasing his weaknesses in front of his eyes. They took his strengths and knocked them down to the ground, hoping he would crumble and turn to ashes.

He knew he was capable of picking himself up, but that dream pretended that he wasn't. It pretended that he was broken and useless.

He calmed himself down and took deep breaths.

I am strong. I am powerful. I am able. I am worthy. I am resilient.

Calvin chanted this over and over until he felt he was ready to talk.

He finally called out, "System..."

[Yes, Host?] This was the first time he had seen his Host so shaken up. He had plenty of nightmares in the last world, but this was the worst he had seen his Host.

"What time is it?" He was exhausted. Even though he slept, it felt like his body refused to rest even when his mind wanted to shut down.

[4:36 AM, Host.]

Calvin looked over at the window for a moment before closing his eyes. Whatever it was that was chasing after him, whatever darkness that decided to leech on to him like a demon within the shadows of his heart, he challenged them.

And when he finds them, he will be sure to crush them. Crush them and grind them into dust.