章節 2: Piano Lessons
Shinji felt himself slowly wake up, but he kept his eyes shut, not wanting to lose the pleasant fogginess filling his brain. He was incredibly comfortable - warm from the blanket wrapped tightly around his curled body and calmed from the sweet softness of his pillow. He wrapped an arm under it, pressing it closer to his face with a happy sigh.
Maybe he'd just go back to sleep. After all, it was winter break; he could sleep in as much as he wanted. That thought warming him further, he let out a small moan of contentment into the cushions. Maybe it'd be a good idea to check the time though... just to make sure it wasn't already too late in the day.
He blinked blearily and felt an unpleasant jolt of fright as a pair of red eyes stared straight back at him. Gasping, he opened his eyes further, before remembering that Kaworu had been sleeping in the bed with him. He closed them again, sighing as his sudden fright left him.
"Morning, Nagisa..." he said groggily, voice deeper with tiredness. He heard the other boy laugh lightly and didn't need to open his eyes to know that he was smirking.
"Good morning, Shinji-kun. You seem happy," he teased. Not wanting Kaworu to pull him from his haze, he merely nodded and snuggled closer to his pillow.
Kaworu smiled more at Shinji's sleepiness. "You look really cute, you know."
Shinji furrowed his brow, not fully taking in Kaworu's words, when he felt a gentle hand begin caressing his face. Without really thinking, Shinji let out a comforted sigh, and leaned into Kaworu's hand, before his mind slowly caught up with what he was doing.
As realization hit him, he went red, and he lifted a hand to weakly swat away Kaworu's fingers.
"S-Stop that..." he murmured, trying to sound irritated instead of embarrassed. Kaworu took his hand away, but continued to stare at Shinji, who tried to hide his face under the pretense of nuzzling more into his pillow. Kaworu seemed to be incredibly amused by Shinji's current state, and he subtly shifted closer so that they were only a few inches apart.
"You must be really tired, huh?" Kaworu murmured.
Shinji dimly recognized that Kaworu's voice had gotten closer, but he kept his eyes shut, wishing to remain blissfully warm.
"Yeah, so leave me alone already..." he muttered, voice muffled by the pillow. Kaworu hummed as he drew ever closer, and Shinji could now feel his breath as he spoke.
"It's hard to do that when you look so cuddly, Shinji-kun..."
Shinji turned his head slightly to glare at Kaworu, feeling his stomach turn over when he realized just how close he was. Why couldn't he just leave him in peace? All he wanted to do was relax, and Kaworu's dark, misty eyes were making him feel anything but at ease. His gaze was so soft, and Shinji felt those unwelcome butterflies from last night creep back into his stomach. That pleasant calm he'd felt before had quite disappeared, and he was angry at Kaworu for unknowingly taking that feeling from him and replacing it with an intense nervousness.
He turned his head back into the pillow, far too overwhelmed to keep looking into Kaworu's eyes and let out a muffled cry of frustration.
"Would you please give me some space? I can't go back to sleep with you breathing down my neck like that!"
Kaworu pouted, but finally drew away, pushing himself up into a sitting position.
Shinji looked up at him, feeling relieved.
"Alright, sorry... but you know, I can't really get out of bed until you move."
Shinji huffed and curled up tighter. "Like that's my problem..."
Kaworu was silent for a moment, before he suddenly threw the blankets off himself and crawled unceremoniously over Shinji's body, much to his displeasure.
'Hey!" Shinji exclaimed, pushing himself up to stare angrily at Kaworu, who now stood in front of him at the bed's edge.
"What? You wouldn't move; how else was I supposed to get out?"
Shinji glared for a moment longer, before rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with a heavy exhale. "I don't know! Maybe just don't manhandle me next time, alright? And Nagisa... don't call me cuddly. It's weird..."
Kaworu let out a laugh that made Shinji want to smother him with his pillow. "I was only telling the truth; I've never seen you look so pleased before," he responded, smirk firmly in place.
Shinji glared still further, ignoring the feeling of heat rising up his cheeks.
"Whatever..." He muttered. Annoyed, he took off his blanket, feeling the cold air against his arms as he swung his legs off the bed and stood too.
"Do you have anything for breakfast, or will I have to go out shopping again...?" Shinji asked, not really feeling in the mood to buy more food for him. Kaworu smiled as he leaned against the wall.
"Well, I was thinking that we could go out to eat. There's a really excellent place not too far away; I like to go there in the morning before school sometimes."
Shinji hesitated. "I mean... as long as you don't make me pay for your food, then yeah, sure."
Kaworu looked slightly indignant before responding, "I'm not trying to freeload, Shinji-kun. Aren't I allowed to just enjoy a day out with you?"
Shinji smiled at his tone, moving across the room to his bag.
"I'm just making sure. Let me go and get dressed," he said, rummaging through his bag for some warm clothes. Taking them with him to the bathroom, he closed the door and started changing.
As Shinji pulled on a jacket over his long-sleeved shirt, his gaze flicked up to the mirror in front of him, and he looked at his black nails, momentarily wondering if he'd get stared at for them. Feeling slightly unnerved even after trying to brush off the thought, he brushed his teeth and reopened the bathroom door, hoping that Kaworu would be covered. He looked at his pale figure from the other side of the living room in confusion.
"That's... all you're wearing?" he asked, eyeing Kaworu's tee shirt. Kaworu turned away from his closet to look at Shinji.
"Yes? Is there something wrong with it?"
Shinji recalled Kaworu telling him yesterday that he didn't own anything warm and felt a pang of sympathy.
Biting his lip, he said slowly, "You know, it's pretty cold out there... here." Turning to his bag, Shinji pulled out a hoodie he'd brought from home and held it out to Kaworu. "Put this on."
Kaworu stared down at the dusky, purple hoodie being offered to him, looking a little surprised. A small smile formed on his face as he took it and slipped it over his head.
"Thank you Shinji-kun, it's very soft," he said, hugging himself, looking happy. "And it smells like you..."
Shinji was unnerved to feel his insides flutter at the sight of Kaworu wearing his clothes with such a content expression. Tearing his eyes away from him, Shinji scratched the back of his neck, trying to keep his heartbeat steady. "Yeah... no problem."
Kaworu let his arms fall to the side as he walked towards the front door and grasped the handle.
"Ready?" he asked, looking over his shoulder. Nodding, Shinji followed Kaworu out into the chilly morning.
Falling into pace with him, Shinji slipped his hands into his jacket pockets, not wanting to give Kaworu any opportunity to try holding his hand as he had done the last time they were together like this.
They walked in silence, and Shinji found himself relaxing as he listened to the sound of their footsteps, feeling the chilly wind blow through his hair. The calming quality of the morning let Shinji ignore the feelings that stirred inside of him as Kaworu predictably shifted closer, letting his arm brush against his. Feeling confident that Kaworu couldn't do anything to fluster him too badly as they walked though, Shinji was quite comfortable.
This was one of those moments where Shinji actually considered Kaworu to be his friend. He wasn't teasing, or touching, or smirking, or laughing... he was just keeping Shinji company, and it was pleasant. Even if they weren't talking, Shinji quite enjoyed just walking along, listening to the idle conversations of straggling people who passed and the bristle of bare tree branches surrounding them.
After a while, they came upon a narrow street lined by quiet looking shops and restaurants. Staring around at the gently glowing signs and glass storefronts, Shinji figured that with it being so early, things were probably a lot calmer here than in the afternoon, when people were more likely to be out spending money. Shinji never really went out in the morning; his apartment was pretty near to the school, so he didn't need to pass by areas like this on his way. It was a really nice change of pace, and he found himself hoping that he'd take more walks like this in the future.
"This way," Kaworu said, taking Shinji out of his thoughts and motioning to a small café on the corner of the street. They made their way too it, and Shinji glanced at the folding board beside the entrance advertising some kind of special, before he walked in through the door Kaworu was holding open.
Shinji looked around at the few people who littered the small tables illuminated by dim, yellow tinted lights, quietly sipping coffee and talking happily. The bell above the door tinkled as it closed behind them, and Kaworu made his way to one of the booths, sliding smoothly into it, while Shinji took up the chair opposite him.
Seemingly because he was already familiar with it, Kaworu didn't pick up a menu, instead choosing to observe Shinji with his fingers linked under his chin as he scanned his own.
"Oh, Kaworu, welcome back! I'm so glad to see you here!"
Looking up from his menu at the striking feminine voice, Shinji saw a girl he vaguely recognized as belonging to the classroom next to theirs. She was incredibly pretty; long, light brown hair tied up in a neat ponytail, white, straight teeth displayed as she smiled, with her brown, doe eyes trained on Kaworu's face. Glancing down at her outfit, Shinji realized that she must be a waitress here, judging by the collared shirt and the apron tied around her slim waist.
Kaworu smiled back at her pleasantly. "Oh, you're very kind, Itsumi-san. My friend and I were just in the mood to eat out this morning, and you know how much I enjoy it here."
The girl didn't spare a glance at Shinji as she let out a girly, little laugh, pulling out a notepad.
"Oh, of course that's what you'd say Kaworu. You definitely didn't come by just because you know I work Saturdays..." she trailed off, looking at Kaworu with a flirtatious glint in her eye.
Shinji sighed internally, looking back down at the menu. 'Here we go...' he thought grudgingly, listening as Kaworu responded in a measured tone.
"Well, I've never been here on a Saturday, and I don't know when you work. It must've just been a nice coincidence."
The girl giggled again, making Shinji wonder what about Kaworu's response had been funny as she clicked her pen, still eyeing him teasingly.
"Of course, a very nice coincidence..." She bit her lip as if expecting Kaworu to flirt back, although he instead turned to Shinji, asking if he was ready to order. Holding back the urge to laugh as their waitress' face fell in disappointment, he nodded.
After ordering, the girl took the menus, still not looking at Shinji as she brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.
"You just let me know if you need anything else, Kaworu..." she said, walking away.
When she left, Shinji smirked at Kaworu, who looked surprisingly unabashed.
"So, what was all that about?" He asked.
Kaworu smiled back at him. "Oh, Itsumi-san usually waits me if I'm here in the afternoon. She's nice... although she's very flirtatious. I don't have much of an interest in her, and I've denied her requests to go out with me, but," he sighed, "she just doesn't seem to understand that I'm not infatuated with her."
Shinji stared at him, thinking that if any girl that pretty had asked him out multiple times, he'd at least give them a chance. Although, he felt a little bad, knowing that being constantly chased by someone you aren't into must not be fun.
"She probably thinks you're playing hard-to-get. I'm pretty sure some girls are into that," Shinji shrugged.
Kaworu sighed laboriously, resting his head on his hand. "I do hope she gets over me soon; it's troubling to be flirted with when all I'd like to do is drink tea in peace," he lamented, making Shinji laugh at the sheer unrelatability of his situation.
They sat in silence for a moment, before Kaworu brought up the topic of music, and Shinji began to talk happily about how he'd been practicing a new piece on his cello. As they talked, Shinji found himself appreciating the fact that Kaworu, unlike most of his other friends, had an affinity for music. It was nice to be able to talk about something he was so passionate about, even if it was with the strange boy sitting across from him. As much as he confused Shinji, he was glad that Kaworu related with him so well on this subject.
When Itsumi came back with their orders, she laid the plates down in front of them, and winked at Kaworu.
"I hope you both enjoy. Call me over whenever you'd like," she said in an overly girlish trill.
Shinji snickered as she turned her back, and he unwrapped his chopsticks before noticing a small slip of paper sticking out from just under Kaworu's plate. He wiggled it free and opened it, laughing when he read a line of digits.
"Call me whenever ur feeling lonely, Kaworu ;)," Shinji read out in the most doting, girlish voice he could, laughing harder at the stunned look on Kaworu's face. He dropped the paper on the table as Kaworu started to laugh too, and Shinji began to eat with an amused smile on his face.
After a few bites, he looked up at Kaworu as he sipped his tea.
"You know, if you just got a girlfriend, she'd probably leave you alone. It wouldn't be hard. Like... how many times have you been asked out before?"
Kaworu swallowed and looked back at him, dismayed. "I've never been interested in any of those girls. They only like me because I'm attractive."
Shinji drank from his coffee, keeping his eye on Kaworu. "You've really never had a crush on anyone? I mean, a lot of those girls are really nice and friendly; I'm surprised you don't like any of them."
Kaworu swirled the contents of his cup, looking down. "I suppose they're just... not my type," he said quietly, and Shinji was confused to see him blush.
He hummed, looking back down to eat his food. "If you say so..." And they lapsed into a comfortable silence as they continued to eat.
It was odd. Every other guy Shinji knew probably would've been floored to have a girl like Itsumi even glance at them. Shinji knew that if a cute girl ever came up to him like Itsumi had just done with Kaworu, he'd be a blushing mess, but here Kaworu was, looking as unruffled and calm as ever. Shinji supposed it made sense that Kaworu wouldn't like a girl unless she actually got to know him first. As annoying as he was, he wasn't shallow in any sense. He was intelligent, and passionate, and he always spoke so eloquently. He'd probably be into a girl who could match all that.
Shinji thought fleetingly of Rei and had the half-formed image in his head of Kaworu going out with her, before realizing how weird they looked in that context. They both had that slightly eerie, red gaze, pale skin, and unnatural hair color. Not to mention how Shinji had felt that same, strange air of familiarity when he first met them both. It felt like he'd known them for a long time... it was almost supernatural. They felt a lot more like siblings than a couple. But they couldn't be, could they...? Their faces didn't resemble each other too closely, and unlike Kaworu, Rei was quiet and mostly just kept to herself, while he loved talking and making friends. They were so similar, yet so different. How the hell did that work?
His thoughts seemed to show on his face as Kaworu looked up at him and tilted his head.
"What's on your mind, Shinji-kun?" he asked, making Shinji blink up to meet his eyes, which so resembled Rei's. Shinji opened his mouth, not quite knowing how to voice his thoughts.
"Um... It's just..." he trailed off, shaking his head slightly. "I know this is random; I don't know why I never mentioned it before. You and Ayanami both look so similar. I know you don't talk to each other much, but... are you related or something?"
Kaworu stared at him, lips slightly parted. Interpreting this look as meaning 'what the hell are you talking about?' Shinji opened his mouth to backtrack, before Kaworu cut him short.
"Yes, we do look very alike." He hesitated. "I... I'm not sure if I should tell you why that is just now. It's sort of a private matter."
Shinji stared. He hadn't expected that. "O-Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was a personal thing... I was just curious."
Kaworu's response raised more questions than it answered, and he was burning to press him further, but he kept his mouth shut, instead letting his thoughts bounce around in his head. What did that mean? Why was it such a secret? They had to be siblings... they were the same age. But then... why did they have different family names and live in different homes? Why had they transferred to the school at different times? And if they were related, how come they never spoke during school...?
"Don't worry about it, Shinji-kun. It's not a big deal, and anyway, I understand why you'd be curious." He laughed, draining the last of his tea. "We both stick out after all, don't we?" Glad that Kaworu wasn't upset at him for bringing up an apparent touchy subject, Shinji smiled and ate the rest of his food.
Itsumi came back out with their checks, carelessly dropping Shinji's, and gently sliding Kaworu's in front of him.
"Here you boys are... need anything else before you go, Kaworu? I'd be glad to walk it out for you," she said, looking Kaworu up and down. Shinji smirked over at him with his arms crossed, and Kaworu glanced at him before tilting his head at Itsumi.
"No thank you, that's all..." She stood watching for a moment as Kaworu riffled through his wallet, before sighing lightly and turning away, seeming to realize that he wasn't going to reciprocate.
Shinji stood, laying his money down on the check. "Jeez, she really is insistent, huh?" he said as Kaworu stood too, readjusting Shinji's hoodie. He laughed as Kaworu grimaced at him, and they made their way back out of the café.
As they walked along the street, Shinji noticed that the place had become a little livelier. People were coming in and out of the shops surrounding them, moving quickly to get out of the cold weather. Shinji felt himself shiver and saw that a light snow had begun to fall from the sky. Kaworu pressed himself more insistently against Shinji's arm at the cold, and Shinji zipped up his jacket, feeling somewhat comforted by the small amount of warmth Kaworu's arm was supplying.
"So, what did you think of the place? You know, ignoring Itsumi-san," Kaworu asked, the heat from his breath fogging the air. Shinji glanced up at him, feeling aware of their slight height difference with the proximity.
"It was pretty good; I see why you like it there," he responded, breathing in the crisp, cold air.
"Aha, see? I knew you'd like it. You should let me take you out more often, Shinji-kun." Kaworu nudged his arm with an elbow.
Shinji rolled his eyes at his teasing tone, practically able to hear his smirk through his words.
"Don't expect me to eat out with you all the time, Nagisa. I can only handle so much of you..."
Kaworu whined at him. "Come on, Shinji-kunnn, don't pretend like you didn't have a good time with me. I know you did." Kaworu whispered his last words, leaning over to Shinji's ear. Shinji inhaled sharply as his heated breath touched his ear, and he pushed Kaworu away with his arm. Kaworu laughed, making him bristle.
"Yeah, yeah, it was fine," he said, annoyed.
Truthfully, he didn't want to admit how nice it'd really been. Just talking to him like an actual friend was really enjoyable. It wasn't usual for him to go so long without rolling his eyes at Kaworu or feeling twinges of annoyance rise up at his every other word.
'It was nice while it lasted...' Shinji thought, trying to ignore the shiver that ran down his spine when Kaworu had spoken so close.
Kaworu resolutely kept his arm pressed to Shinji's as they walked faster, not wanting to stay out in this cold longer than they had to. Kaworu flipped up his hood in an attempt to keep his neck warm as they walked across the square leading to his apartment complex.
Once they made it to the door, Kaworu unlocked it quickly, and they graciously entered. Shinji rubbed his arms, trying to warm them as Kaworu closed the door behind them. He watched Kaworu sigh at the warmth of the room, raising a hand to his cheek with closed eyes.
Opening them again, he looked at Shinji, who was unsettled by his sudden smirk.
"You have snow in your hair, Shinji-kun..." he laughed, walking up to him, and raising his arms to gently brush away the small, white flakes. Shinji suppressed a shudder as Kaworu's fingers grazed his dark hair, and he knocked them aside.
"I could've gotten that out myself, Nagisa," he muttered, taking off his jacket. Kaworu slipped off his shoes, smiling over at Shinji, before flopping onto his bed with a contented sigh. Shinji looked at him with a raised eyebrow as he put his hands behind his head, seeming incredibly relaxed.
"We just woke up. Are you really about to lounge around in bed some more?" he said, crossing his arms. Kaworu opened one of his eyes to look at him.
"Oho, look who's talking. Weren't you the one whining this morning about wanting to sleep in?" He smirked when Shinji narrowed his eyes at him.
"I wouldn't have been complaining if you had just stopped pestering me. It's not my fault you decided to make me get up so early..." he said moodily. Kaworu let out a little derisive laugh that made Shinji scowl.
"I wasn't doing anything to you. All I did was call you cute and c-"
"I told you not to say that! Could you at least try to be less creepy?!" Shinji felt himself blush as he cut Kaworu off.
Kaworu's smug face told Shinji that he could see how embarrassed he was through his words, and he suppressed the desire to ball up his jacket and chuck it at him in retaliation.
"Hmm... sorry, Shinji-kun. Would you forgive me if I made some room for you to nap with me?" Kaworu asked.
Shinji gave him a look. "I don't know why you think I'd wanna do that..."
Kaworu whined, making Shinji's insides twinge in irritation. "Because Shinji-kunnn... the weather is only going to get colder. Don't you think it'd be preferable to snuggle up in a nice, warm bed instead of sitting around shivering? Plus, you can make up all the precious sleep you lost..."
Shinji thought. He knew Kaworu was right; The day had certainly gotten much colder than yesterday, and he could already feel the apartment getting a little too crisp for comfort. Sleeping in on a day like this would be wonderfully cozy, but... the fact that Kaworu would be right beside him made him hesitant. He had woken up flustered this morning all because of Kaworu's presence. The last thing he wanted was to let those stupid new feelings enter back into his mind, and he knew that getting all snuggled up in bed with Kaworu would definitely do all but keep them buried.
Right now, though, Kaworu was looking at him so pleadingly, and Shinji found it hard to think rationally while he stared into those deep eyes.
Somehow, even though his mind was screaming at him to stop, he found himself agreeing to Kaworu's plea.
"I... I guess I could just lay down for a little while..." he hesitated.
Kaworu's face broke out into a wide grin, and he threw back the covers, climbing into them and scootching over for Shinji to do the same.
As he got settled into the cool blankets, he sighed, breathing in the scent of lilac and vanilla that clung to the pillows. Kaworu immediately curled up, his gaze held unfalteringly on Shinji, who tried to ignore the warmth creeping ever so slowly up his face.
God, why was he doing this? He could just as easily warm up by wrapping himself in a blanket while sitting on the floor; he didn't need to snuggle up besides this teasing jerk. There was no reason for him to put himself at such an intense risk of being embarrassed, and he was being stupid for enabling Kaworu like this. The best thing to do would be to get up now before things got awkward... and yet, Shinji found that he really didn't want to get up.
He felt ashamed of himself. He didn't want to admit that he actually wanted to feel those butterflies return. He didn't want to admit that he longed to move closer to the pale boy lying across from him. He didn't want to admit that deep down, he enjoyed Kaworu staring at him like this. As much as he knew he should suppress these new feelings, he found it so hard to ignore how pretty Kaworu's face looked at that moment.
His stomach lurched at the thought, and he knew his face had turned red. Shinji attempted to satiate the two raging parts of his mind by turning over to face the living area rather than Kaworu. Maybe this way, he wouldn't get too flustered, but he could still quietly appreciate the knowledge that Kaworu was so close. It was a win-win, right?
Feeling at least partially satisfied with the compromise he'd just made, Shinji nestled into the soft blanket and let out a gentle breath. He let his eyes flutter closed, ignoring the sneaking suspicion that Kaworu was still staring despite not being able to see his face.
He felt himself relax as he laid there, pulling the blanket up to his nose to warm his face. It was blissfully comfortable, and he happily realized just how nice it was to laze around after having a fulfilling meal. With all these pleasant thoughts filling his mind, he could almost ignore the rustling of sheets and the gentle dipping of the bed behind him. Almost.
He opened his eyes, aware of the new heat against his back, almost as if something warm was only an inch away from him.
Suddenly, he felt a little shiver run down his spine as a breath hit the back of his neck, and he knew that Kaworu must be much too close. He felt his heartbeat quicken as slow, soft breaths continued to ghost his skin. Shinji had no idea what to do. Should he tell him to back off? Shove him away somehow?
Before he could decide, Kaworu spoke.
"May I touch you, Shinji-kun?" he murmured close to his ear, making Shinji tense up and repress a gasp. Had Kaworu's voice always been that enticing?
"Yes, please..." he whispered without thinking.
Realizing what'd just slipped out of his mouth, Shinji eyes widened, and his stomach dropped.
"I... n-no, you can't! I already told you not to touch me, Nagisa!" he said louder, wildly hoping that Kaworu hadn't heard his first response.
Kaworu didn't move, and he went quiet, the silence stretching on. Shinji felt about ready to die of suspense.
"Mm, fine then," he said neutrally, moving away from him towards the wall. Shinji blinked as the tension suddenly lifted, and he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
What the hell just happened?
Shinji laid still, staring hard into space as he tried to collect his racing thoughts. Why had he found Kaworu's voice so attractive just then? Why did he say yes without hesitation, and why had he said it so desperately?
And why had Kaworu been so nonchalant about his refusal? He wasn't complaining or anything... it was just so unlike him to actually listen to Shinji. He'd expected him to whine or to touch him anyway. He clearly really wanted to touch him judging by the fact that he'd pressed himself so close and asked so warmly, so why didn't he persist...?
Shinji felt a thrill in his chest thinking about how much Kaworu must've wanted to touch him, and he quickly forced the thought from his mind. He was mad at himself. He wasn't supposed to think these things, and he knew this would happen the second Kaworu asked him to get into bed. If he wasn't an idiot, he would've denied Kaworu in the first place and he wouldn't be in this mess. But now, here he was, contemplating the stupid, confusing emotions that he shouldn't even be feeling anyway. And as much as he tried, he really couldn't push them away this time.
What if he'd let Kaworu move closer? What exactly did he mean by 'touch?' Touch him... how?
His face went red as he imagined Kaworu slowly but smoothly pressing his chest fully up against Shinji's back, face buried in his hair. God, that'd feel so warm and perfect-
He shut his eyes tight, digging his nails into his arm. No, it would be far from perfect; it would be uncomfortable and weird and gross. Kaworu was creepy, and he didn't want or need to be spooned by a guy like that. Or by any guy for that matter...
He probably didn't even want Kaworu to cuddle him. Maybe he was just a little touch deprived, and he wanted some comfort. He was only imagining Kaworu because he was so close already. It wasn't a personal thing... it's not like he specifically wanted Kaworu to hold him.
He'd probably like it, even prefer it, if one of his other friends cuddled him that way. Like... maybe if Asuka snuggled with him-
'Nope,' he thought, cutting himself off and noting how wrong he felt for imagining that.
He desperately thought of his other friends, but only made himself more and more uncomfortable as he considered, finally cringing when Toji came to mind, wishing that he could burn that picture from his brain.
This was pointless. He couldn't just pretend. For whatever God forsaken reason, Kaworu was the only person he could imagine cuddling without feeling mortified. It didn't make any sense; how come the guy who he constantly wanted to throttle was also the guy who made his chest feel all tingly and fluttery? He hated how little things were lining up. How was he ever supposed to resolve these idiotic ideas and fantasies when he couldn't even begin to understand where they were coming from?
He huffed and moved his head to rest more comfortably on his pillow. Well, whatever. The whole point of lying down had been to warm up, so he should really be focusing on that instead. He kept his eyes determinedly shut and attempted to clear his mind and fill it instead with a fluff akin to the blanket he was under.
After a good few minutes, he felt his thoughts settling, and he let the warmth surrounding him cloud his mind. He could feel a pleasant, sleepy haze coming on, and he didn't try very hard to fight it. Dimly, he recalled Kaworu's words from earlier: 'you can make up all the precious sleep you lost...' That sounded pretty good to him, he thought, smiling a little, before succumbing to slumber.
"Shinji..." Shinji kept his eyes shut, turning his head into the pillow, although, he recognized that he wasn't laying on a pillow anymore. He was lying on something firm covered by soft fabric, beneath which he could hear a heartbeat. He listened to it peacefully as he raised a hand to lay it on the surface. He heard a gentle voice hum happily as he snuggled closer and felt a hand on the back of his head. He sighed as the hand began petting his hair, weaving its fingers into the dark chocolatey strands.
"Shinji..." the voice echoed, making Shinji lift his heavy head a little in search of its source. His eyelids fluttered open slightly, and the hand at his hair slipped down to hold the side of his face. Shinji leaned into it happily, feeling its thumb gently stroke his cheek. Opening his deep, blue eyes further, he took in the purple fabric he laid on, and looking up more, recognized smooth, pale skin, and messy, silver hair. He smiled up at their pretty face and lovingly gentle gaze.
"Shinji... wake up," the voice said a little louder, but Shinji wasn't listening, too focused on the bright, red eyes staring at him. He was mesmerized by their intensity, and he found himself lifting his head to come closer to the face they were a part of. Tilting his head a little, his gaze flicked down to the person's upturned lips as he continued to draw close, only an inch away now-
"Hey, Shinji-kun, wake up!"
Shinji's eyes snapped open, and he blinked up at Kaworu, who was leaning down to face him. He sighed, letting his eyes fall shut again. Kaworu slapped his face a few times, making Shinji grumble and knock his hand away.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm up, Nagisa..." he said, trying and failing to recall the dream he'd just been having as its details trickled out of his mind, only remembering that it had something to do with the guy who'd just woken him up.
"You've been asleep for a while. I know you don't like me waking you, but I didn't think you'd like to sleep half of the day away either."
Shinji sat up, running a hand through his hair. "No, it's alright... thanks for waking me up."
Kaworu straightened himself and smiled as Shinji got out from the blankets.
He stretched and moaned, looking over at the window which was now frosted over. He made out the blurred outline of quickly falling white dots as he got out of bed and haphazardly straightened the blankets. Looking over at Kaworu, he realized with an annoyed twinge that he must've been lying earlier about not being able to get out of bed without disturbing him.
"So, what have you been doing?" he asked as Kaworu leaned against the table.
"Oh, well I've only been up for about half an hour, so nothing, really. It's a little boring without you, to be honest..." he said mildly.
Shinji clicked his tongue, feeling that there were plenty of things in this apartment to keep him entertained without another person. He had video games, books, a TV, snacks, and... Shinji's eyes fell on the upright piano next to the coffee table as he thought, and he noticed that it was on, the light next to the power button glowing red.
"What do you mean 'boring?' You've been playing the piano; don't you like doing that?" he asked, nodding his head towards the instrument, the chair in front of it pushed out.
"Oh yes, I quite enjoy it! It's just, I only started a few minutes ago before I decided to wake you instead," Kaworu replied, smiling.
Shinji looked at the piano, feeling curious. He'd never really heard Kaworu play, although he'd always just assumed that he was good, considering how he seemed to be good at just about everything, and how he had apparently been playing for years. But he found himself suddenly wondering just how good he was.
"Well, don't let me being awake stop you from playing. I wouldn't mind listening to you practice for a bit," Shinji shrugged, trying not to sound as curious as he really was.
Kaworu looked a little surprised at this. "Are you sure? Watching someone else practice an instrument can't be very interesting..."
"What, scared to play in front of an audience?" Shinji teased.
"Oh, of course not! If it's what you desire, I'd love to play for you..." he responded, laughing airily, as he removed his hands from his pockets and strolled back over to the seat.
Shinji leaned against the coffee table, looking down at Kaworu as he straightened the bench.
"Any requests?" he asked, tilting his head inquiringly.
Shinji shrugged. "Just play whatever you feel like." Kaworu smiled at him and nodded, before turning forward, straightening his back, and letting out a breath, fingers drifting delicately over the board. Shinji watched with interest as Kaworu pressed a few fingers down, letting the notes ring out, before moving his right hand up, fingers smoothly working the high keys.
Shinji stared as his fingers flew over the notes, his left hand conducting a gentle chord progression; the rich, low sounds complimenting the delicate high ones. His movements were measured and purposeful, showing how meticulously planned out every noise was. He leaned his body into the delicate force he applied to the keys, and he kept his eyes closed as his head swayed gently with the music, as though he could see exactly where his quickly moving fingers were landing in his mind. The tendons in his hands worked as he stretched his long fingers to reach the black keys, and Shinji felt his mouth open slightly as his eyes roved over Kaworu's motions.
It sounded beautiful. Shinji had hardly ever seen someone play something so passionately, and it only just began to dawn on him then what people must mean when they say to 'play from the heart.' Surely this is what it looked like when someone truly resonated with their artform. Kaworu was playing as if the music came from within him, like it had never been printed onto copy paper and stapled into a book. Every note had soul, and every hand movement was deliberate. There weren't any sour notes or inaccurate twitches. It was packed with heart... and it was perfect. Kaworu played on as Shinji watched, mesmerized, unable to take his eyes off of his pale hands dancing across the keys.
When the last few notes rang out, Shinji continued to stare, before realizing that Kaworu had lifted his hands back up, a gentle high vibrato still tapering away into nothingness. Kaworu opened his eyes, smiling softly as he observed Shinji's awed face. Shaking his head, Shinji blinked and looked back at Kaworu.
"I- how... how did you learn to play like that...?" Shinji asked quietly, unable to keep the admiring tone out of his voice.
Kaworu's eyes lit up. "You really liked it that much?"
"'Liked it?' Nagisa, that was amazing! Of course I liked it!" Shinji said incredulously.
Kaworu looked at him surprised, and Shinji noticed a gentle flush creep into his pale cheeks as he smiled, seeming spirited.
"Thank you, Shinji-kun... I truly do appreciate that from you," he said, blush growing deeper.
Shinji felt strangely satisfied seeing Kaworu so shyly appreciative. Usually, it was him flustering Shinji, so it was somewhat cathartic to give him a little payback, even if he seemed to be enjoying it. Shinji almost never said anything nice to him, so his appreciation made sense. He admired how the blush made his usually stark white face look softly pink, and he subconsciously felt the desire to compliment him more from now on just to get the chance to see it in future.
"So, are you gonna keep playing?" Shinji asked, trying to sound nonchalant. Kaworu looked at the piano, seemingly contemplating, before his mouth twisted into that familiar smirk.
"Well, you don't suppose I could hear you play, could I?" he probed hopefully, eyes glimmering at Shinji, who knit his brow.
"How could you hear me play? I don't have my cello with me..." he said slowly, as though Kaworu was quite dim.
Kaworu let out his annoying little laugh. "No, silly, I meant the piano." He stood up. "Haven't you been practicing some new material? I'd very much enjoy if you played it for me." Kaworu stepped in front of Shinji, laying his hands on his shoulders, attempting to guide him onto the seat.
Shinji stayed stubbornly in place, staring perplexedly. "What the hell are you talking about? I can't play the piano." Why was Kaworu acting so dense?
"It's not that you can't, it's just that you don't know how. So, let me show you how," Kaworu insisted as he pushed Shinji into the chair.
Before Shinji could speak, Kaworu stepped behind him and bent down over his shoulder.
"Would you like me to show you?" he asked, Shinji's shoulders tensing.
Shinji could barely think straight with Kaworu's proximity, and he found himself excited by the idea of Kaworu showing him how to play as much as he wanted to push him away.
"Oh, s-sure, I guess..."
Kaworu laughed lightly and slipped his arms under Shinji's, grabbing his wrists and laying them on the keys, before sliding his cold hands on top of his fingers.
Shinji inhaled sharply, feeling Kaworu's chest press against his upper back. He had certainly gotten bolder with touches recently…
He tried to listen to Kaworu's voice as he showed him which note belonged to which key, and he knew he was blushing when Kaworu pressed his fingers down, demonstrating.
"As long as you remember where that C is, you won't get lost," Kaworu said, having pressed Shinji's finger into it.
"And... the black keys are sharps and flats?" Shinji asked, voice uneven.
"Mhm. Think you can figure it out from there?" he murmured, lifting his hands a little - to Shinji's displeasure.
Shinji didn't respond but took a moment to familiarize himself with the keys. It was a little overwhelming; how were you supposed to play independently with two hands? He licked his lips, trying to remember something simple. He hadn't learned to play an instrument since he first picked up the cello years and years ago.
He started playing slowly, realizing just how different it felt to strings. He only ever had to worry about moving his fingers between four notes, so this was barely comparable.
It felt embarrassing to stumble slowly through a simple song he only half remembered right after Kaworu had given such an amazing performance, and he felt heat prickle over his face, wondering what he must be thinking. Although, he was the one who had asked Shinji to do this, so why should he care if Kaworu thought he was bad...?
He ended the song feeling awkward as Kaworu looked at him.
"That wasn't so bad-" he began, Shinji turning to give him a disbelieving look.
"-for your first time playing." He finished, smiling at Shinji's displeased expression. He hummed, looking down at the keys.
"Here, let me help." He put his hands over Shinji's again and leaned forward. He guided Shinji's fingers as he played the same song from before, helping him keep an even pace.
"You don't need to focus on getting everything right; just as long as you're really feeling the music, you'll get it down perfect eventually."
Shinji continued to play, trying to concentrate on the song. His brow furrowed as he thought, and Kaworu's guiding hands simply ghosted over Shinji's, letting them keep the pace on their own now.
Shinji felt his confidence rise as he repeated the song once more, speeding up a little. He finished, feeling pleased that he'd only messed up once that time.
Kaworu laughed brightly, clapping his hands together. "Very good, Shinji-kun! You're a fast learner!"
Shinji reddened, feeling that Kaworu's praise was exaggerated. "Th-Thanks..."
Kaworu drew back. "Do you think you could play that song you learned now? I know you don't really have experience with the piano, but..." he trailed off as Shinji twisted around to look at him, thinking.
The thing was, he had been practicing that song for a few days, and he could remember most of it without even looking at the sheet music. He knew the notes, so maybe if he took it slow and really focused, he'd be able to recite it?
He smiled a little. "I could give it a go," he said, wondering fleetingly why he was so eager to play for him. Maybe he just wanted to hear Kaworu praise him again...
Clearing his mind, he stared at the white, shiny keys, lifting his hands over them hesitantly. He recalled which note was where, and took a breath, pressing his fingers into the first chord.
The tempo was slower than it should've been, but it was the best Shinji could do, and he had all of his efforts focused on keeping an even pace. He didn't know any techniques like he did for the cello, so it was much simpler than how he usually played it. He heard himself go flat a few times, but pressed on anyway, trying not to let embarrassment get to him.
Shinji was so concentrated that he didn't seem to even process it when Kaworu laid his hands on his shoulders, lowering his head to rest it gently on top of Shinji's. He got to the second chorus, noticing that it sounded better than the first.
Kaworu let his arms drape themselves around Shinji, and his fingers linked over his chest, eyes half lidded as he smiled down at Shinji's inexpert hands moving over the board.
He played on, only dimly aware of the new warmth against his chest. He was too preoccupied to take in what it meant. Nearing the end of the song, he felt heartened; it was slow and imperfect, yet Shinji's determination almost seemed to weave itself through the notes, giving them the same life Kaworu's had.
Shinji pressed his fingers into the last notes and lifted his hand, letting out a breath he hadn't realized was being held. He'd finished it.
Kaworu let out a happy kind of cheer and hugged Shinji tightly from behind. He stiffened as Kaworu laughed brightly.
"Oh, you're such a wonderful musician, Shinji-kun! I can't imagine how beautiful that would sound on your cello!"
Shinji blushed furiously at the combined sensation of Kaworu's words and warm embrace, feeling at a loss. He attempted to push Kaworu's head away from his shoulder, but Kaworu seemed too intent upon showing his affection to heed Shinji's protest, winding himself tighter instead.
"Your effort is inspiring! I'd hardly believe that was only your first time playing."
Shinji let out a small, involuntary noise somewhere between appreciation and embarrassment. Hearing Kaworu talk him up so much was really starting to get to him...
"A-Alright, alright, you don't have to act so emotional, Nagisa. It really wasn't that good... and I thought I told you not to t-touch me anymore," he said, unable to make his voice sharp like he wanted.
"I'm not acting, I really do think that, Shinji-kun," he said happily, nuzzling into Shinji's neck and completely ignoring his reminder. Shinji let out a whimper and shut his eyes, unable to stand up or push Kaworu away.
"You know, I believe I've come across that song in one of my books. Perhaps we could play a duet at some point? I mean, I would be honored to play alongside you..."
Kaworu's shyly hopeful tone made Shinji's heart feel lighter. "Y-Yeah, I'd really like that," he said quietly, not having the heart to dullen his enthusiasm.
Kaworu hummed happily and straightened up, dropping his arms. Shinji sighed in relief, turning to look at him.
"I've got a new respect for pianists now. I don't know how you guys do it," Shinji said, standing up.
Kaworu laughed. "It just takes time. I mean, if you handed me your cello I would be utterly baffled." He sat on the bench, crossing his legs. Shinji made sure to put some distance between the two of them, feeling that Kaworu had more than filled his capacity for touches today.
"Well, I've learned that I definitely prefer strings," he said, sitting in the bean bag chair and turning the TV on.
He heard Kaworu laugh. "I see. Well, if you ever feel like trying out the piano again, I'm more than happy to give you extra lessons."
Shinji reddened a little at his tone, Kaworu's teasing smile in his peripheral. "R-Right..."
He turned back to the piano. "You don't mind if I practice a little more? I feel so inspired all of a sudden."
Shinji glanced at him. "N-No, not at all. Go ahead." He stared at the TV, though he attempted to lower the volume discreetly, feeling a lot more interested in listening to him play than listening to whatever movie was on.
When Kaworu started to play, Shinji closed his eyes, imagining his fingers pressing into the keys. It sounded just as pretty as it had earlier, so Shinji felt a little disappointed when Kaworu stopped, the music being replaced by the sound of him riffling through his practice book.
Soon though, he struck up a new song, and Shinji blinked open his eyes. It was the one he had just attempted to play. He looked over at Kaworu, whose eyes flicked momentarily to his, half-lidded as he smiled warmly. Shinji blushed, and he watched Kaworu from his place on the floor.
It was definitely a lot better than what Shinji had done. The tempo was correct, and the chords were more complicated. Shinji tried hard not to smile. He shouldn't have felt this happy just because Kaworu was playing a song he'd been practicing...
'Perhaps we could play a duet at some point...' Shinji felt a little leap in his chest as he listened to Kaworu play. He pictured himself sat in a chair beside him, bowing along. Kaworu's version was a little different than what Shinji knew, yet that made the picture in his head better. The two parts complimented each other, and Shinji so dearly wished that he had his cello with him. He wanted to show Kaworu how good they would sound together.
He recognized embarrassedly just how strong his desire was. He'd never even played with anyone else before, and he was always perfectly happy doing it by himself, yet now here he was itching to join in with another musician. Maybe it was because Kaworu was the first person he'd ever met who shared his passion so strongly. Maybe it was because he was so talented. Or maybe it was because the idea of Kaworu smiling at him as they played was so wonderfully warm.
He knew that these thoughts were intrusive and stupid and wrong, but he couldn't push them away. It was like Kaworu's performance was addling his mind, making it impossible not to picture them playing together. It was so strange how even though they weren't touching in the fantasy, it still felt so incredibly intimate, and that intimacy scared Shinji just as much as it excited him.
When Kaworu neared the end of the piece, Shinji felt an almost burning determination form in him. They would play together soon; he'd make sure of it. He didn't care that the logical half of his mind was shouting obscenities at him, telling him that he wasn't supposed to long for Kaworu in any way - his desire was too strong. Music was something that rooted itself so deeply within Shinji's heart that there was no way his mind could distract him from it.
He might've been able to tell himself that he hated Kaworu, but there was no lying to himself about how much he loved Kaworu's passion.
The final note sounded through the apartment and Shinji found himself unable to stop the smile that formed on his face.
"Y'know, as annoying as you are, you're a really beautiful musician, Nagisa."
Kaworu's eyes lit up, and he went pink.
"Thank you, Shinji-kun…"
每周推薦票狀態
-- 推薦票
榜單 
-- 推薦票