章節 24: Chapter 24 - You Supposed To Be My Friend!
Vivian's POV:
I’m out of the house and the car is already waiting for me.
Fast as always, Desi…. You’re a doll. I love you, baby….
I get in the car.
“Desiree is waiting for you in her office. She’s having a meeting and sent me to pick you up.”
No problem….
“Yeah, thanks. Drive away from here fast.”
The guy does that and in a few minutes we’re out of Davy’s estate and on the road, making me feel lighter and leaving behind what happened.
Stevie is good there and he can always come to me. I saw he was taken care of and I’m not a sane one right now for him to be around me. I need to get some shots, eat, and just fucking stay away from this. Don’t judge me. I’m not an easy person. I know that.
Why the fuck didn’t I die four days ago, or earlier? Why am I always kept alive? For what? For this? Why? To be tormented all the time…. I don’t know for what I’m paying…. For not saving Marianne? For my parents? I don’t fucking know…. Oh! I’m so deep in depression right now…. To remember what I did with the little fucker and what he did to me is…. I don’t know…. Hard to take and digest…. I think I’ll throw up…. Yep. It’s coming.
“Pull over! Now!” The guy looks at me surprised. “Just pull over! Now!”
He pulls over and I open the door fast and throw up at some distance from the car.
Fucking shit!
I have the vomiting wave but throw up only saliva…. I’ve got nothing in my stomach to throw up.
Oh! I’ll shoot him if he’ll ever touch me again…. You’ll see…. You monster! I’m so fucked up…. I need to go out of the country again…. As far away as possible…. Yeah…. Until I’ll make the money, I can’t go back…. That’s what I’m going to do…. I know who he is now and how to avoid him and his connections to find me…. He didn’t find me in Tokyo…. This is what I’m going to do…. I don’t fucking care if I’ll die…. Between him and dying…. I prefer death…. Yeah…. There’s no way I can stay married to him and be turned into one of his whores…. No fucking way….
“Are you okay? Here.” The guy gives me a napkin and a bottle of water. I take them.
I’m at a point in life when I’m so pained and at a crossroads…. I can’t take this shit…. I really can’t…. If only he kept himself away from me….
In twenty minutes, I reach Desi’s office. The one from her fashion house business. I go in, in a state of a lunatic and greenish.
“Girl! You look like shit! What happened?! What did he do to you?! Don’t tell me it happened?!”
No, but it was almost there…. That piece of shit….
“No. I’m…. I would…. Desi….” The room is spinning with me again….
Fuck! Not again!
“Viv! Don’t pass out! VIVIAN!”
I’m sorry….
I’ve passed out….
I wake up on her sofa. Desi is having a wet towel over my forehead and she’s caressing me.
“Baby? What happened? I gave you your shots. You fuck my heart, you know that?” She’s having tears in her jade eyes and holding her lips to not cry out loud because of me.
I’m sorry, baby…. I didn’t want this…. I would better die…. Yeah…. All this would stop…. The pain and everything….
I take her hand in mine.
“Just hide me from him…. I really can’t, Desi…. I can’t, baby…. I can’t sleep with him and I can’t be married…. I’m not that type…. Not like this…. I don’t love him…. I have nothing for him….”
I really don’t….
Tears are coming down my cheeks and my body is hit inside from everything as I feel so weak….
“Baby! He’s your husband! I can’t get between you guys! Not like that! It’s not right! Try to know him and give the man a chance, girl…. Stop being like this. You just cut everyone out. This is what you do. Always. You never want to get to know them, to feel them. You just take the shutdown mode and kick them away. Life is not like that, Viv. It’s time for you to change. He’s not a man for you to do that to. He’s a man you can give a chance to. Just talk to him and tell him to give you time. Tell him you’re a virgin and that you need time to accommodate to him. I’m sure he’ll agree to take things slowly. But you also have to be open to that and understand it’s time for a change. You said you want inside marriage, not before. I understood that, but this? No, girl. This is not right. Do you know how many women would want your husband? All of them! You’re the one he has. Forced or not, he’s your husband.”
You go again…. I’m so lonely in this….
“Desi! He’s on revenge mode! He even told me, while I was passed out and recovering from my earlier dropped blood pressure, that he has fallen in love with me! Do you fucking believe that?! He doesn’t even know me! From what? A few hours before I left?! He even has Stevie on his fucking side! He tried to rape me last night and when I woke up today! Give him a chance?! FUCK NO!” Her forehead gets stretched, her eyebrows go up, and her mouth forms an ‘o’, holding her breath.
Oh! For fuck’s sake…. She’s on his side as well…. Go figure….
“What did you say?! Loves you?! And you…. WHAT?! YOU CRAZY BITCH!” She’s slapping my arms….
STOP IT! It hurts now….
“Stop! Why am I crazy?! How the fuck can he love me?! Why?! And he went all over me! I just wanted to fucking sleep! Not in his dick! Alone! You know where I was for the last three weeks! I need fucking rest! I don’t feel anything for him! I threw up on my way here! That’s what I feel about him! There! What more do you need to understand?! I’m not like you! I can’t!” She’s slapping me again….
I really didn’t need this…. It’s so fucked up…. I’m crazy, okay, I admit it…. But this is me…. I can’t change this….
“LOVE HAPPENS! IT’S NOT PLANNED OR ORDERED! IF HE SAID THAT, HE MEANS IT! TRUST ME! I KNOW, BITCH! HE’S NOT LEISURELY SAYING THAT! I’m sure he has never said that to anyone! I’ve told you about him! You want reasons?! Why didn’t you ask him?! And he said that to you when you say you were out! He didn’t know you might hear it! There! He means it! He deserves a chance from your fucked-up ass! I don’t know, baby…. You’re awesome and special in every way, but on this? You’re so fucking stupid! You embarrass me….” She puffs, stands up and goes to her desk.
I sit now on the sofa, taking the towel from my forehead. I’m trembling….
Stupid?! Why?! Because I don’t want to fuck him and let him trash me?!
“Desi! It’s not a normal relationship! We didn’t meet somewhere, took a like on each other, and got married! We were forced and he has now changed into a fucker to get to me for his father’s doing! Don’t fantasize over this!”
She’s lighting a cigarette and fires me with her glare.
I hate you!
“You know what? If he rapes you, in your opinion, I’ll be happy. There’s no other way for you to understand and accept. You’re too fenced and iced. You never let go into emotions or feelings. Even your mother complained about that on you. You only back off and live a monk life. I think it’s high time for you to stop all that. I’m sorry if you feel I’m not on your side, but trust me, you’re wrong and exaggerate. Nothing bad comes from having sex. And it’s with your fucking husband! One who has just told you he loves you! What more do you want, girl?! He’s a God in appearance! He’s loaded with money and he’s stronger and more powerful than you! What defect do you find at the poor man that you can’t give him even one chance?! Viv! You’re going against yourself with all this! You have a heavenly opportunity to be happy and you fucking refuse that! Everything is in your fucking favor and you’re just kicking it out! I don’t know…. I think we need to go to the shrink with this…. Yeah…. It’s best idea…. You’re not normal…. No way…. Do you know how many phone calls and texts I’ve received from him these three weeks? He raided my house and everything to find me to get to you! He went fucking crazy! That’s not a revengeful guy! If he was like you say he is, he would have given a fuck! He would have been happy to have you out of his life! Not to hit on you and tell you he loves you when you’ve just come back after three fucking weeks, Viv!”
I just stay here and look at and listen to her with incredulity. I get what she says but I’m blocked in accepting. I can’t help it. This is how I am. I can’t be condemned in being like this. I’m not doing anything to be like this, I just am. Put me to do anything and I’ll do it, but marriage, love, sex and shit? Fuck no! I simply can’t….
I can’t think of anything. I brush my face with my hands and feel like dying. I’m fucking losing it.
“You know what? Let’s get some food and get drunk. I need whisky. I don’t get drunk, but I do need alcohol…. Let’s go….” She curves her mouth up and narrows a happy bitch stare at me.
I said food and get drunk, not fucking, Desi…. Stop imagining things….
We go to one of her favorite clubs and have dinner. Then we go in a private room and order cocktails and whisky. Yeah, cocktails for her and whisky for me. We dance like crazy and have fun.
After an hour, I have already had a bottle of whisky with ice and she’s had about ten cocktails. We have high tolerance to alcohol.
We’ve just crashed on the sofa laughing.
“Girl! This is fun! Oh! How I’ve missed this! Love you, baby….” She’s embracing me and rubbing my back….
Yeah…. Me, too…. It’s fun….
“Love you, too, bitch…. Yeah…. It’s fun….” I have more whisky.
I rest my head on her left shoulder with my glass of whisky in my right hand.
“Desi…. I can’t be with him…. Stevie likes him, you like him…. I don’t…. I’m weird…. I know…. Even mom and dad would have liked him…. I don’t…. I like him as a person like I do Monroe for example…. But not as a man and to fuck him…. I can’t, baby…. It’s impossible…. I’m telling the truth….”
She’s patting my head.
I smile and close my eyes. I’m tired. I’m not drunk. I’m just exhausted. I feel good though.
I can’t be with him…. I just can’t…. Davy is a little fucker…. And that’s all…. I’m….
I fall asleep on her.
I wake up with the smell of male perfume. One that stirs up your body. Never happened to me before. I think I’m in a car. My eyes are still closed, and I feel like I’m on someone’s lap. The person is muscled and holds me, caressing me.
What’s happening?! Am I dreaming?! I never dream of such stuff…. My breathing is deep, and my body is loose…. I have control over it but I’m too relaxed…. From the alcohol…. Yeah…. I don’t want to wake up…. I feel too good sleeping….
“Desi? What’s happening? I think I’m hallucinating…. Am I still on the sofa?”
I really want to hallucinate, and this not be real…. I’m serene inside to go crazy and fight right now…. I need breaks from Raven, too….
No answer. The guy possesses a heavy breathing and he’s burning. I feel that from his clothes. It’s fucking real. I’m not hallucinating.
What the fuck happened? Who’s this guy? The perfume seems familiar…. What?! Davy kid?! DESI! NO, YOU DIDN’T! You supposed to be MY FRIEND! SHIT!
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