章節 18: Chapter 18
"You know, Regan, in all my SEAL training, one of the things I learned over and over again was the mission requires personal discipline. No matter how tough the assignment, no matter what my personal feelings might be, the mission was the only important thing. Everything else was sublimated to it."
"I know that." She smiled. "I was married to a SEAL, remember? And I work with several. Is there a problem I'm not aware of?" The smile disappeared from her face. "Is it me? Did I do something? I thought"
He held up a hand.
"There isn't a thing wrong with you, Regan. You're not the problem. I am."
Regan frowned. "I don't understand."
He sighed. "I shouldn't even be telling you this, but I thought you should know in case my behavior is odd at times. And just so you know this is not a situation I've had to deal with before."
"Damn it, Max. Whatever bug you've got up your ass, just spit it out."
"Look." He took in a breath and let it out. He was in very unfamiliar territory here. "We're supposed to be acting like a couple who are for all intents and purposes newlyweds. I believe Si said they'd only gotten married less than a year ago."
"Regan nodded. "That's correct."
"That means we'll be expected to project an air of intimacy. That's not the hitch here. Damn it, Regan, I'm attracted to you. Have been since the first moment I laid eyes on you. And I don't mean just the 'Hey, I want to get in your pants' kind of attraction."
He stopped, trying to organize his words, and raked his fingers through his hair. This wasn't just unfamiliar territory. It was damned embarrassing.
"Max, listen, I"
He held up his hand. "Please let me finish. This is embarrassing enough as it is. I'm only telling you this because I'm trying to be a gentleman."
"And you are," she assured him, grinning, "A perfect gentleman."
"Yeah, maybe not so perfect. I'm going to be working real hard to make sure this stays as playacting because it seems I'm…attracted to you."."
A tiny smile teased at her lips. "Attracted? To me?"
"Yeah." He cleared his throat. "And think about it. To carry out this charade we'll also be sleeping in the same room once we get to the lodge where the meeting's being held. My mind might be 100 percent on the business at hand, but I'm not sure my body is." He sighed. "Like I said, I unexpectedly find myself very attracted to you. No, more than just attraction. And it shocks the hell out of me. In my entire life, I've never had more than a superficial relationship with any woman. Never wanted one. Maybe that's why I'm so ripe for it, but I think it's way more than just that."
Her laugh was soft and musical and, when he looked across the table, he was surprised to see a faint blush color her skin.
"If you're saying what I think you are," she said slowly, "should I tell you I might be having the same problem?"
"Oh?" His eyebrows rose. "Is that a fact?"
She nodded. "I was actually counting on you and your SEAL discipline to keep us both in line." She lowered her gaze. "Max, there haven't been very many men since Dylan. No one who really appealed to me that way. The few times I tried, it was a disaster for both of us. I just figured I'd be celibate for the rest of my life. Talk about being shocked at my body's reaction to youthat's a mild way to describe it. And I guarantee you have more experience with this than I do.
"But not the right kind." He took one of her hands in his. "Nothing's ever going to happen unless you want it to. I just thought you ought to be aware of this in case I do or say something by accident."
She gave a low, throaty laugh. "By accident? Huh. Too bad it wouldn't be on purpose." Then she leaned toward him. "Listen, Max. This may sound corny, but the future and safety of this countrymaybe other countriesdepends on you and I being able to put a stop to this and gathering information to put these people in prison. We're going to do just that."
"Yes, we are, despite my misbehaving libido."
"Max. You know your SEAL discipline will take control. You're an honorable man which is why you felt compelled to warn me your behavior might be a bit strange now and then and told me why. But if something happens between us, in the early morning hours, before we become the Ferrens again, well…" She shrugged. "I don't shoot friendlies."
He felt the tension easing from his body. "I'll do my SEAL best to keep a lid on it. But it's nice to know if the lid slips, you won't take my head off."
"How can I when I feel the same way. When this is over…"
"When this is over my engine will be revving full tilt. Now, let's get out of here and put on our pretend faces. Jed was so stunned that we weren't what he expected, maybe he will let a few things slip."
"Let's hope so. I was surprised that a man like him could be shocked by anything."
"Me, too." He raised his hand to signal for the waiter. "You ready, Mrs. Ferren?"
"As ready as I'll ever be, Mr. Ferren."
"Then, let's do it."
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