章節 9: Jonathan Cruz, origin
Jonathan - Look, Melanie, I'm don't have time for this.. -
Melanie - You're going to eat this food, and then we'll talk - Resolute in her decision, she stands her ground.
Jonathan - I just want to sleep now, just let me - As he tries to go to his room to ignore Melanie, he stops when he sees her standing in front of him.
Melanie - Hmmm! - Standing on her tiptoes, she tries to look more commanding with this posture.
Jonathan is surprised, this is the first time he's seen the kobold being so firm and determined in a decision, he's used to her being meek and somewhat submissive, so something like this is a huge surprise for him.
Jonathan ( irritated ) - Okay, I'll eat it - Seeing that there's no escape, he just accepts her decision, so that he doesn't have any more arguments.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The two of them sit down at the table, which is full of goodies and meals. The size of the selection would suit a small party of friends, but it has been prepared for just one person with the hunger of several. Meat, vegetables and lots of water are served in front of Jonathan, who without much hesitation jumps in.
Jonathan - (nham) So, where did all this come from? (nham) I don't remember us getting any more food - Without stopping, he continues to question the girl.
Melanie - That's all the food we have - Looking at the young man's face, she waits, having already finished her small portion.
Jonathan almost chokes at this revelation, the food they had received was supposed to last a month, Joathan had even ordered twice as much as a man his size would need just to make sure Melanie had enough to eat too.
Melanie - Finish eating, then we'll talk - Before Jonathan could open his mouth to comment, she sent this. She doesn't want to let Jonathan take charge of the situation, because she knows he'll try to get away with it and ignore his problems.
Seeing once again how dominant she is being now, Jonathan relents and goes back to eating. The feast in front of him is very appetizing, and very vast, for the first time in over a week he begins to feel nourished. When he realizes this, he realizes that Melanie has prepared something so grand not only to calm him down before the conversation, but also to prevent his hunger from getting in the way again.
Jonathan finishes his plate, there are still a few things left to eat, but he wants to get on with it, even though his appetite is satiated, he still wants to go back to bed and sleep, he doesn't want to think about his situation and be as desperate as he was in that alley.
Jonathan - Okay Melanie, I've eaten, what did you want to talk about? "Come on, I'm so sleepy." Wanting to appear disinterested, he looks away from the kobold, hoping she'll drop whatever she's thinking about.
Melanie - Why are you sad - Looking straight into Jonathan's face, she asks, with no tremor in her voice, only determination and concern.Jonathan - I'm not sad, I don't know where you got that from - A little surprised by the direct way she questioned him, he once again tries to deflect the subject. - I'm goo -
Melanie - You're sad, I can smell it -
Jonathan - Huh? What do you mean? I told you I'm not sad or anything, I'm fine - Startled by the kobold's deduction, he begins to get defensive, unable to believe that she can "smell sadness".
Melanie - I can smell it Jonathan, you cried a lot yesterday, my nose is very sharp, kobolds can even smell emotions - Approaching him to make her point, her muzzle moves a little as she gets closer to Jonathan - And you've been angry with someone these last few hours. -
Now Jonathan can't keep his amazement off his face. He already knew that kobolds were a lot like dogs and that their sense of smell is of the highest class in this world, but he hadn't expected them to be able to sense abstract things like feelings. He starts to swallow, thinking about how he can answer without giving away too much about what he's feeling.
Jonathan - Well, I've been a bit down these last few days, i was hungry and tired, so it's understandable that I wasn't at my best - Expecting this explanation to stick, he is once again taken aback.
Melanie - Uhm, it's not that, you've been smelling a deep sadness for a while, it's not something so simple or fleeting - Shaking her head, she moves closer to Jonathan - Please don't lie to me, tell me what's going on - Adopting a calmer, more maternal tone, she persists in wanting to help him.
Jonathan - I told you I'm not! Why you just won't let me be quiet! - Raising his voice, his emotions begin to take the place of reason, becoming upset by Melanie's insistence on knowing what's going on with him. He remembers a little of how his mother always saw when something was affecting him.
Melanie - So why were you crying? Why did you leave yesterday and not come back? Why do you look like you've had a fight with someone? - Without her even realizing it, his tone increased.
Jonathan - It's nothing! Just let me go to bed! - Losing patience with the conversation, he gets up and heads for his room, but is stopped.
Melanie - No - She stands in front of him, her small body blocking Jonathan's passage.
Jonathan - Let me through, Melanie! -
Melanie - No!
Jonathan - Why don't you let it go, it's none of your business! -
Melanie - Why do you keep hurting yourself like that, it is my business! - Finally reaching the point she was looking for, she sees a mixture of emotions appearing on Jonathan's face.
Jonathan - So what if I get hurt! Nobody cares, least of all me! - Letting the words come out unfiltered, he begins to let go. - It's the same if I starve to death or fall hard on the floor, who's going to care. I don't care, as long as I can change I don't care about any of this -
Melanie - I do care, even if you can't see it, I do care! Even if I don't understand why you need to change so much, I still care about you - The two of them are now in each other's faces, finally Melanie is managing to break through the walls Jonathan has put up to hide himself.
Jonathan - You only care about the Jonathan you witnessed! You don't know anything about me, you've only seen what you wanted to see of me, so you don't understand what I need to change about myself. - " She doesn't understand, she's only seen the ME that saved her, the ME that helped her. She never had to see the me who failed at everything he did, the me who had nothing to show for his achievements, the worthless me who never gave back to anyone who believed in him. How can she think she knows me?
Melanie - Yeah, I've only seen the Jonathan who was kind and caring to me, the one who saved me from death, the one who took me to a rich and giant city, the one who gave me shelter and food, who stood by me when he could very well have abandoned me and run away and even made the effort to respect my opinion, I don't see anything that needs to change in all of that - Recalling all the experiences she received when she met Jonathan, she gets emotional and lets more fervor emerge in her words.
Jonathan - You see! You've only seen good things about me, how can you say I don't need to change -Melanie - But you know what?! I also saw Jonathan who hesitated to save those soldiers -
For the first time since raising his voice, Jonathan takes a step back, he never thought she would have noticed him that day, he is astonished to learn that his first cowardly act in this world was witnessed.
Melanie - I saw the Jonathan who ran towards danger without caring about anything or anyone simply for the thrill of it, the Jonathan who likes to fight, the Jonathan who lied about not having fought that night, the Jonathan who grumbles after training, the Jonathan who for some reason hates himself even while holding a dirty, fainted kobold in his arms, promising to give her everything he can - Her eyes begin to fill with tears, and she can still see how incredulous Jonathan is at hearing all this - And you know what, I don't think any of this needs to change, you don't need to torture yourself to become someone different, the bad and the good, I've seen you Jonathan! -
As he is confronted with the extent of Melanie's affection and the strength of her emotions, more and more of the barriers he has built up are crumbling, everything is beginning to unravel uncontrollably.
Jonathan - SEE, ALL THESE THINGS, ALL THE BAD THINGS I HAVE, THAT'S WHAT I NEED TO CHANGE! - He can't hold on any longer, the firm knot he had in his thoughts and feelings has been loosened, and he can't put anything back - I HAVE TO CHANGE! I HAVE TO! I HAVE TO BECOME SOMETHING THAT'S BETTER THAN ANYTHING I'VE EVER BEEN, HOW CAN I DESERVE THEIR LOVE BEING THE WAY I AM NOW -
Melanie - Who, who are they Jonathan - Seeing that he's finally revealing his insecurities, she cautiously questions him - By any chance? -
Jonathan - They love me, you know, they all love me and are proud of me, my mother, my father, my grandfather, my grandmother, my aunt, my uncle, my cousin, my friends, my little sister, my other uncle, my other aunt, my grandparents on my father's side - He starts to tear up - My father's family, my mother's family, my loved ones, they all see me as someone who deserves all this. -
For a few moments, Jonathan just looks up, Melanie doesn't see his expression, but she can feel the anguish that is seared into his soul.
Jonathan - I don't deserve this - His voice begins weakly, but with a burst he continues - I DON'T DESERVE ANY OF THIS, NOTHING! LOVE, CARE, PRIDE, APPRECIATION, JOY, I, I, I, I, I don't deserve anything that I have. I've never done anything to make them proud, all they've done for me, and I have nothing to give back, I don't have a degree in anything, I don't have a dream job, I don't have the motivation to go to college, I'm fat, I'm ugly, I don't have a girlfriend, I don't have a house, I don't have any achievements that make me stand out from the rest. How can someone like me deserve to live being so ungrateful - That's the root of it all, ingratitude, for a long time, that's what's tormented him. All he wants is to become someone who lives up to everything he's received, his current self disgusts him because he'll never be at the level where he can be sure he deserves everything he's earned in his blessed life, where he can be sure that everyone who's given him anything can smile with genuine pride.
As if someone had cut the strings of a doll, Jonathan fell to his knees on the floor, revealing everything he had, everything that revolted him about himself. He always knew that his family never asked for anything in return, but he can't live with the knowledge that everything those wonderful people have given him isn't being put to good use.
Jonathan - I just wish I could stop feeling like this, ghhr, I wake up every day disgusted to be in this body. I should be able to be proud of myself, but nothing I do is enough - Tears finally come out of his eyes, the dam he had been holding up until now has completely collapsed.No longer caring that he is in front of Melanie, he continues to let his emotions out.
While the young man despairs and collapses with his tears falling, the Kobold observes everything, even if her species isn't known for intelligence, she has something much better, emotional intelligence, whether it's instinct or some supernatural sense, she was right, Jonathan needs help, and even if she herself doesn't feel confident, because of the love she feels for him, she must try.
She takes a few steps forward, but stops, her doubts and insecurities telling her that she has no way of helping him, but mustering all her courage she continues.
Jonathan is in his own separate world now, he doesn't hear the noise of the city or Melanie coming near him. A very strong beat keeps hammering in his head, every time he tries to control himself and put back all those feelings, this beat comes and destroys again the barriers he tries to set up. It's very strong, and its pain is felt throughout his body. He just wants to get back to what he had before, but the pain he did his best to ignore has come back with a vengeance. It consumes everything and all he can think about is his own self-hatred. Nothing matters to him anymore....
He feels two furry arms on his sides, small and soft, they don't have the strength to squeeze him, but the physical sensation is enough to wake him up. He remembers this feeling, but no matter how hard he tries he can't put a name to it, he can only remember that he always felt comforted and warm whenever someone held him like this. He sees behind the tears brown hair and vibrant green eyes that look deep into his soul and he is frightened. As deeply as he looks, he doesn't see contempt, disgust or repulsion, Melanie is looking at him with a tenderness he has failed to recognize until now, kneeling with him, her face lifted and the two of them looking at each other. Finally, they are both vulnerable to themselves.
Melanie - You know, I've never done much since I was born - Confusing the boy, she continues, her voice low and serene - I've always just played around and given my mother and father a lot of headaches, but they always had a smile on their faces when they greeted me at the end of the day. Even the day I left to explore the world and get a husband, they only wanted my good -
Jonathan knows what it's like, his family has always wished him well, but he's never come to terms with the idea that he deserved all this, that someone with everything he has should be better. He never did enough.....
Melanie - One day, I asked them what they wanted me to do, you know, as a guide. They just said that they wanted me to be well and healthy, they said that family should always want that. They never asked for anything else, they were just proud that I had grown up well and healthy. They were proud of me. You talking about your family reminded me of them. Jonathan, we don't choose who loves us, or whether we deserve love or not, they love who we are and want us to be happy, that's family, whatever you have, good or bad, you're loved, you know? -
Jonathan doesn't know what to say, the words are stuck in his mouth, and everything his friend says is starting to ignite a spark in his chest.
Melanie - From the day we met, I saw you, not what you wanted to become. It's okay to want to improve, but you shouldn't torture yourself by hating yourself, that's what you've been doing, right? But the you of now, and the you from the first day I saw you, both deserve love, even if you never do anything you deserve the love you've received, of that I'm sure. Even if you do everything, you deserve the love you've received. - She moves closer to his face, her words are reaching him and his heart is pounding, his eyes aren't crying but they are on the verge of doing so - The man you were, what you are, and what you will become, I love you Jonathan - She finishes with this, her face crosses the few centimeters that remain, and her kiss full of love reaches him.
His mind was completely blown with light at that moment, something that went beyond bodily sensations. Acceptance, love, affection and admiration, this mixture is transmitted to Jonathan and everything that had been troubling him becomes dust in the face of this overwhelming act. What had been clouding his thoughts is destroyed, and Jonathan remembers what he had been missing. Melanie is here and now accepting him completely. No pretense, no theatrics or lies, the feel of her soft lips, her arms hugging him tightly that make him feel safe even though they are so small, the smell of Melanie that melts away all his hesitation.Jonathan is almost carried away when Melanie ends the kiss, he wants to continue, but he still has things he wants to talk about.
Jonathan - I..... don't have to suffer? - He asks, his mind unable to imagine the answer, what he has endured all this time alone was the punishment he thought was fair for someone like him - Can I really have all this? -
Melanie - Hm - Nodding her head, she looks at Jonathan with a smile - You deserve all this, even if you don't think so, I'll stand by you, I won't abandon you, through bad or good I'll be with you, I believe in you, no matter what -
Jonathan - ...... - He wants to say something but it's hard, to ask one more time if everything is all right, to be sure that he'll never be alone again, but one look at Melanie confirms everything. But he still feels the pressure to say something - Melanie, I... I... you - Before he can finish, a finger covers his mouth.
Melanie - You don't have to say anything now. It's okay, I'll wait for you, wait as long as you need me to, I'll never force you into anything - She smiles again, and holds Jonathan's face with both hands - Come here, I don't want you to doubt me anymore, but I know it's hard, so for now, just rest, I won't let go of you no matter what comes - She then guides Jonathan's head onto her lap, the famous "Lap Pillow" and without any resistance, he is placed in the position, while Melanie runs her hand over his head, and messes with his hair.
Jonathan still clings to her, tears begin to flow, but along with them there are tears of joy. He may still doubt that he deserves her, but he is sure of her love. This care and affection that looks at him with acceptance, perhaps one day he will deserve it. But now, as she said, he's just going to rest.
Melanie "He's kind of cute like this" Her hand rubs Jonathan's hair, he falls asleep, his tears stop, but a perfect smile doesn't leave his face.
每周推薦票狀態
-- 推薦票
榜單 
-- 推薦票