章節 3: Confuse
As Valin made his way home, navigating through the bustling streets, a peculiar sight caught his attention.
Amongst the hurried pedestrians, his eyes fixated on a figure that seemed familiar, evoking a sense of déjà vu.
It was a beggar, hunched over with ragged clothes clinging to their frail frame.
A rush of recognition surged within Valin, mirroring the presence of the monkey from his recurring dream.
A lump formed in his throat, causing him to swallow hard as he struggled to regain composure.
His breathing slowed, as if in sync with his efforts to steady his racing heart.
An instinctive impulse drew his hand toward his pocket, where the money his mother had entrusted him with for lunch resided.
A twinge of guilt washed over him, reminiscent of the final period at school when his friends had approached him, seeking financial assistance to no avail.
Approaching the beggar cautiously, Valin noticed that the person's eyes were closed, concealing a world of darkness within.
The realization struck him that this individual was likely blind.
After handing the money to the beggar, Valin began to walk away, his footsteps echoing on the pavement.
However, the beggar's unexpected question halted his departure. Turning back to face the beggar, he couldn't help but feel a mix of confusion and curiosity.
"Do you need help?" the beggar's voice echoed, breaking the silence that enveloped them.
Valin's brow furrowed as he contemplated the question. Help? He had never considered himself in need of assistance, yet there was an underlying restlessness that gnawed at his soul.
But then the beggar's words took an unexpected turn, resonating with a mysterious depth that caught Valin off guard.
The beggar spoke of an inner reservoir, an untapped well of answers and solutions that lay dormant within each individual. The weight of those words settled upon Valin, stirring a sense of intrigue mingled with frustration.
"What are you talking about? I... I don't get it," Valin stammered, his voice tinged with a tinge of disappointment and longing.
The beggar's enigmatic response only intensified his confusion, reminiscent of the perplexing encounters with the monkey in his dream.
As Valin gazed into the beggar's eyes, disappointment etched itself onto his features.
There was an uncanny familiarity in the beggar's expression, a haunting resemblance to the sorrowful countenance of the monkey he had encountered in his dreams.
The connection, though elusive and enigmatic, lingered in his mind, leaving a trail of unanswered questions.
The beggar remained silent, as if withholding further explanation.
As valin started to walk away, Valin's gaze lingered momentarily on the empty space where the beggar had stood, a whisper of the wind carrying away the essence of their encounter.
It was as if the beggar had evaporated into thin air, leaving behind an intangible residue of intrigue and mystique.
With a mix of fascination and apprehension, Valin turned away from the vanishing figure. Thoughts raced through his mind, contemplating the nature of their exchange.
The beggar's words echoed, resonating with a truth that eluded him. This encounter had been unlike any other, stirring a peculiar sense of curiosity within him.
As he walked further, his steps quickening, Valin couldn't help but ponder about the talk he had with the beggar as it never happened with another beggar.
Valin returned home and quickly changed into his blue clothes.
He sat down at his computer and logged into his social media account, scrolling through his homepage of memes and funny videos.
Suddenly, a certain photo caught his attention, and his expression changed.
The corners of his eyebrows raised in surprise, his eyelids drooped in sadness, and the corners of his lips pulled down in a frown as he looked at the pictures of his friends.
"If only I could be there with you guys," he thought to himself, "but it seems like you don't even care about me. Look at you all and your new friends, having a great time without me."
Valin thought about how his father's job required them to move every few years, and how he had to leave behind friends each time.
This time, he couldn't relate to anyone or be interesting to them.
He wondered if he had stayed, would they still be friends or strangers like they were now? The uncertainty of it all scared him.
Sometimes, Valin felt glad that he had moved away, but other times he felt deeply sad about it.
He felt lost and confused about the meaning of his life, unsure of what he was supposed to do or achieve. He knew what he should do, but often found himself too lazy to put in the effort. He distracted himself with things he enjoyed, but deep down he knew he was only seeking temporary pleasure.
"I'm not sure what to do with myself," Valin admitted to himself, his voice tinged with disappointment and frustration.
"I used to no..all this time I don't know who I am?,"
Feeling thirsty, Valin decided to quench his thirst and headed towards the kitchen.
But as he reached the hallway, he noticed someone inside the house.
Immediately, he retreated back to his room, choosing to wait until the person had left.
Glancing at the closed window, he moved closer, peering outside through the glass, biding his time.
"What am I even doing,"
However, realizing that the person showed no signs of leaving, he mustered the courage to confront them.
"Oh, Valin, come here for a moment. How's your studying going?" the person, whom Valin recognized as Uncle Chang, called out.
Valin replied, "Oh, my studies are going well, Uncle Chang."
Uncle Chang chuckled and continued, "Oh, that's good to hear. Did you hear that my son has secured a job in a foreign country and is earning a lot of money?"
Valin responded, his voice carrying a hint of repetition, "Yes, Uncle, I've heard that many times."
Uncle Chang laughed and, absentmindedly stroking his beard, added,
"I'm just reminding you to study hard so that you can also have a prosperous future."
As valin looked at the painting in the wall as the painting was an eagle that was on the ground and the chicken eating together.
Meanwhile, Valin's mother entered the room, carrying a tray with tea for Uncle Chang. She glanced at Valin and asked, "Why are you here, Valin?"
Valin replied, "I came to get a water bottle, Mom."
She nodded and said, "Go ahead, and I'll speak to Uncle Chang now." As they conversed, the flickering light cast an intermittent glow around the room.
"Okay, I'll go now. It was nice to meet you, Uncle Chang," Valin said politely.
Uncle Chang simply nodded in response, offering no words.
In the comfort of his room, Valin gazed out at the darkening sky, savoring the cool sip of water that quenched his thirst.
"The water is good," he muttered to himself, his eyes drawn to the world beyond the closed window.
Contemplating his evening plans, he wondered, "Should I go out? It's been a while since I last stepped out of the house."
He slipped on a black jacket over his blue clothes, stealing a glance at the black clock before venturing outside.
As he strolled along, he came across groups of people engaged in lively conversations, their laughter filling the air.
His attention was then captured by a couple immersed in their own world.
Intrigued, he halted his steps and shifted his gaze towards a green house, lost in his own thoughts.
"All I want is to enjoy life, but it feels like such a struggle. I just wish I had some genuine friends to share good times with. Making friends has become quite a challenge,"he mused, his heart heavy with the longing for companionship.
"Love, on the other hand, is an emotion I buried deep within my heart long ago. Yet, it lingers, persisting in its presence," he whispered, the weight of his words hanging in the air.
As Valin continued his walk, he noticed red reflections on the ground, which he traced back to a television glowing through a nearby window.
Ignoring the distraction, he pressed on, his mind consumed by thoughts.
Valin thought to himself, "Why am I always talking to myself? It's becoming a habit, and I'm not sure why."
Passing by people of different ages on the busy street, he entered a quaint yellow store. Seeking a moment of respite, he took a seat and ordered a refreshing glass of ice water and some food to satisfy his hunger.
Feeling a pang of guilt, Valin contemplated, "I haven't lived up to the expectations, not even my own. It's disappointing to fall short."
The shop filled with more people, enjoying the company of their friends and families.
Despite being surrounded by others, Valin couldn't shake the overwhelming sense of loneliness.
Feeling the weight of his isolation, he murmured to himself,
"Amongst all these people, I still feel so alone. It's like wandering through darkness, searching for a glimmer of light or a familiar voice."
Looking out through the window, Valin's attention was drawn to a barking dog in the distance. The dog seemed lost, unable to find its way, barking in confusion.
Inwardly, Valin made a connection, "Sometimes, I feel just like that dog—going in circles, unable to find my own path."
As Valin sat alone, lost in his thoughts, a concerned stranger approached him. "Are you okay?" they asked.
Valin responded with a forced assurance, "I'm okay."
Unconvinced, the stranger persisted, "I mean, are you really okay?"
Valin's facade started to crumble, his voice faltering, "I... I don't know, actually. I-I..."
An exasperated expression crossed the stranger's face. "What the hell?" they blurted out. "I said, are you done?"
Valin looked up, caught off guard by the sudden interruption.
"Oh... I mean, there really is no seat here, so are you done?"said by the stranger
Realizing the misunderstanding, Valin felt a mix of embarrassment and relief. "Oh, yes, I'm done," he replied, standing up from the seat.
Curiosity piqued, the stranger asked, "What was he saying to you?"
The stranger shrugged, a hint of frustration in his voice. "I don't know what the hell answers he was giving me."
As Valin rose from his seat, he stepped outside, feeling the weight of his scattered thoughts. "I am starting to imagine things now," he muttered to himself.
Taking steady steps, Valin continued his solitary walk, hoping to regain some clarity amidst the swirling chaos within his mind.
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