/ Book&Literature / REBORN AS MALFOY with a system
摘要
all the characters belong to lady j.k rowling only the si character belongs to me and the plot.its my second try towards a fan fiction.
death
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ROB
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SELF-INSERT AS MALFOY
new to write synopsis so forgive my mistakes
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23評論
3.06
- 寫作品質
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- 人物形象設計
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寫檢討
I say this MC is an idiot he is practically inviting trouble by trying to be with Hermione as 1)Dumbledore will obviously notice this and will question Mc's intentions and will monitor his every movement 2)Hermione is still authority worshipping phase so if Dumbledore subtly questions Draco's intentions Hermione will stop any relationship with him and 3)Ron hates slytherin's eventhough his grandmother is a slytherin and to an extent Harry has the same bias mainly due to Draco's previous behavior.If by chance they learn she is meeting Malfoy. Ron will obviously call her traitor and stuff while Harry has no opinion of himself so he will go with Ron or if lucky he side with Hermione. Other than that I have no problem I like the fanfic keep going 👍
The idea was great but the pathetic grammer and him straight out simping for Hermione Granger was a huge turn-off. Also it sounds more like a record of things that happened rather than a story.
whats with hermione i really dont like her attitude and her character, i mean she is smart and all, and even oc girlfriend instead of her sounds better than her
boring story.....nothing here to enjoy. ...just a waste of time. ...........................................................................
wow i like this story a lot please continue with it its really good :.........................................................................................................
The story was, okay, the Grammar and such was horrible... The thought behind the story was fine but over all it was meh. could have been done better. Massive Run-on Paragraphs and very little to no punctuation, or misplaced punctuation. Over all its not the worse story I've ever read, but it is FAR from the best story I've read.
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MC is Harry's dog. 🐕👎 Deleted story. [img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap]
NiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNice but it can be better
Writing quality: 2/5 MC is beta, simp, cuck, gay and idiot. Hermione's dod. Hermione's dod. Hermione's dod. Hermione's dod. Hermione's dod. Hermione's dod. Hermione's dod. Hermione's dod. Hermione's dod. Hermione's dod. Hermione's dod. Hermione's dod.
good idea with the system! But the story is terrible! MC - Beta, Hermione's servant and Harry's assistant! The story itself became just a retelling of events!
Amazing overall [img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend]
wanted to keep reading more but sadly there's no more chapters. glad they were on the longer side though
Pretty Boring. Mistakes are all over the place. Dialogue is a mess. .... ..... ......... .......... ........... .......... .......... ............ .
Decent for a system novel but it has a few issues like run on sentences and the fact that the system is very under used to the point that i forgot it was a system novel halfway through.
Honestly, this story has such great potential, but that the MC is so determined to go for Hermioni, I'm not saying it's bad but that it doesn't look so forced, but you really have a gold mine in this story but make so many ssltos in the story from year to year in one chapter.
I think the story is good .. having no synopsis will not bring readers in .. but it's good and I'm not sure how the people give this less than 3 stars .. I give it 3.8\5 mainly for stability of updates decreasing the stars, but all in all it's good. and definitely, you can give it a try.
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Everything is great and all but the only thing that I have a problem about is the grammar issues sometimes it makes my brain itch and i would spend around a minute on a sentence during certain lines
Writing quality:subpar to say the least and the way the author shows dialogue is horrid . Story development:the author is trying to jam the mc into the golden trio so he will be more relevant instead of having him do something more original. Character design:Self inserts are fine but yours seems to be a bit one dimensional. Update stability:its okay for now until the othe loses interest or realise that he made the mc so over powered that he made everything else redundant. World Background:Its Harry Potter a world where intent is all you need to make your self overpowered and the author gave the mc a system.