章節 2: I'm gonna barf
Shut the fuck up you lots! This is Team Rocket Captain Murphy!, Welcome to Team Rocket! Ya'll some of the bravest or dumbest few dimmwits to get lucky enough to be allowed entry into our ranks but don't go letting shit in your head, y'all still Grunts for now. So y'all better be following orders like a loyal lapdog if you wanna get anywhere out here.
Of course, you lots are free to do your own things, But be stupid enough to get caught and you're on your own! We ain't busting none of you dipshits out of jail
And dare to snitch? Well, my arbok's favorite snack happens to be snitching Grunts! HAHAHA! So best to do well, for your own sake, HAHAHAHA!
ANYWAYS!, I hope you all prove yourselves worthy of this opportunity!
Odin: Jesus what a fucking intro!
So this is Team Rocket huh?
So I'm a part of a real gang now huh?
That's crazy, good thing I woke up right at the start of the lecture, Would have been awkward otherwise.
And oh man look at that snake! What's its name again? Arkok? Ardok? Ah shit I forgot
Ah well, he is one scary motherfucker that's for sure, of course not as scary as me tho
I'm the worst motherfucker within the ranks ain't no grunt got as much killer sauce as I have.
Captain Murphy: Alright, listen up Grunts that's it for the lecture. Now it's time y'all go grab yourself self your own little bad boys.
Right to my right you can see a bunch of boxes, within these boxes are your Pokemons, and you only get to choose 1 Pokemon because what the fuck do you think? We're not running some charity here!
Also a reminder here I won't tell you what's in the Pokeball because I don't know which fucking Pokeball is each, so in other words it's randomized. Oh, and you only get one try by the way so no refunds! Now let's start!
You there grunt with the purple hair!
Come pick up your Pokemon!
Purple hair grunt 1: Yes sir!
Captain Murphy: You may choose one of these boxes.
Purple hair grunt: Yes sir!
As he searches the box the box carefully
He finally finds a Pokeball that feels "right".
Alright, This is it! Come out!
Ekens! Ekens!
Sweet it's an ekens! Nice welcome aboard Ekens, from now me and you will be the killer duo in the Kanto region!
Hey, what's wrong ekens? Are you okay there? Why are you looking at me like that?
Ekens!
Ekens launches at the rocket grunt and bites him in the arm!
ARRRGGGHHH!!!!! MY ARM! MY ARM!
ARRGHH! IT HURTS!
Captain Murphy: Oh my what a blunder
I can be such a silly sometimes
I forgot to mention, all of the pokemons here are untamed, captured in the wild, kidnapped, stolen... As you can see
They are not exactly happy right now.
SO LISTEN UP GRUNTS!, THIS WILL BE YOUR FIRST TEST AS GRUNTS!
You lots are too tame these Pokemon and make them submit to your will
Only then can you become a true part of Team Rocket!
So I deploy all of you to go grab your Pokemons already!
...
...
WELL WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL WAITING FOR!, GET A FUCKING MOVE ON ALREADY!
All grunts: Yes sir!
Odin: shit... I'm fucked, aren't I?
I know next to nothing about Pokemon
Let alone taming one.
And Jesus Christ man look at that nasty bite on that purple hair dude
He's on the brink of tears right now.
No wait... Wait a minute, are those tears I see sliding down his face? Omg it is
This bitch is actually crying! In the middle of a fucking crime gang no less!
HAHAHAHAHA!
Captain Murphy: hmm? What's so funny grunt? Do you think your hot shit or something?
Hmp well since we have a hot shit in the ranks why don't you go ahead and be the first one to demonstrate how things are done!
ALRIGHT EVERYBODY STOP WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING! We have a hot shit in our ranks and he seems eager to show us how things are done out here
So why don't we be polite and give him the spotlight shall we?
STEP UP RECRUIT! What's your name?
Odin: "I'm so fucked"
The name is Odin, sir!
Captain Murphy: well then Odin
Why don't you go up there and show us
How shit's done.
Odin: Yes sir!
*sighs* well let's see what I can do.
Okay... So which of these boxes shall I pick
Umm ahh well I guess it doesn't matter
I'll just choose the first one.
Hmmm, there's like... A shit ton of poke balls here, well I guess it's lottery time.
*Rumble* *Rumble* *Rumble*
Found one!, I'll pick this one
It oozes off Mark's energy.
Well here goes nothing, come out dipshit!
KOFFING!
...
...
...
EWWW WHAT THE FUCK? BRO, YOU LOOK DISGUSTING? OMG, I'M GONNA PUKE!
Koffing: koffing :(...
OH GOD NO I'M BARFING
*BLEEERGGHH!* *BLAARGHHH!*
Koffing: ko-koffing... :(
*BLEEERRGGHH* EWW WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN UP WITH YOUR FACE?
WHY IS YOUR FACE LIKE THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR FACE! IT'S.. IT'S SO FUCKING GOOFY AND DISGUSTING!
*BLAAAARRGGHH*
WHY ARE YOU SMILING LIKE THAT?
OH GOD NO DON'T TELL ME THAT'S JUST HOW YOUR FACE IS!?
Random grunt 1: come on man, don't you think that's a little excessive?
Random grunt 2: .....
Random grunt 3: hey man... Come on leave that poor thing alone, it's really not that bad
Random grunt 4: Jesus man... You're fucked
Captain Murphy: well shit... Got another crazy one this year, best to keep an eye on this one.
*BLERRGHH!*
FUCK MAN!, SO THAT FUCKING GOOFY SMILE IS JUST STUCK ON YOUR FACE LIKE THAT? DISGUSTING!
Koffing: Koffing! Koffing! 😡
You're mad? You wanna be fucking mad at me?
You think it's my fault you're born like this?
Listen here you retard, I don't give a shit about your feelings
The world doesn't give a shit about your feelings
The fucking universe doesn't give a fuck about your feelings
And I certainly don't give fuck about your feelings
Now you can get mad here all you want
It still won't change the fact, THAT.. YOU.. ARE.. A.. FUCKING.. DISGUSTING.. PIECE.. OF.. SHIT!
...
...
...
Koffing: ko-kof koffing :(
GET.. IN.. THE.. BALL, NOW!!
Koffing: .....
KOFFING, I SAID GET THE FUCK INSIDE YOUR BALL NOW!
*Throws Pokeball*
Odin: Good, Glad that's fucking over.
I don't think I could've looked at him any longer.
So anyways captain, that's how a hot shit does it. Hope I gave y'all a satisfactory performance.
Cause boy that took a lot of my energy
Ya know? Energy best spent somewhere else, like for example; committing robbery or maybe a nerd genocide or some shit.
Ya, feel me, captain?
Captain Murphy: not really what I had in mind, but you did well nonetheless grunt.
And also one more thing grunt, Watch your tone when you speak to me
We're not equals, and you do well to remember that grunt!
Odin: yes sir!...
"piece of shit"
Captain Murphy: all right grunts enough lollygagging, get back to work
Ya'll have some Pokemon taming to do!
And you odin, you can pass along to the door on my left, whatever else you need to know will be answered there.
And since you are the first one to tame a Pokemon you will receive 25 TR points on your TR card.
Now go!
Odin: yes sir!
每周推薦票狀態
-- 推薦票
榜單 
-- 推薦票