/ Anime & Comics / Naruto: Rebirth in the Ninja World
摘要
This is the story about a person who used to live in modern world rebirthed in the ninja world.
Having watched a lot of anime in his previous life on earth, he knew a lot about the ninja world but, what if everything he knew wasn't correct?
What if there were entirely different outcomes for a small change he made?
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This is a rewrite of my previous work, "Swordsman System in Naruto". I have this time tried to correct all my previous wrongs and make the story a lot better.
Try reading it once before you make a review or something. Also, just ask me if there is something you don't understand, just ask me.
Hit me up on Discord for anything related to the story or me :
overlord#0103
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3.23
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寫檢討
Okay now this is a very special fanfic. The beginning is not bad and i was sincerely intrigued by how MC was integrated into the world, espacially since it was a different timeline than most other fics. But man is the story development crude. Story: MC, albeit having the knowledge from his past and therefore this world, acts like someone who had his braincells stolen and sold in the blackmarket. He is strong to the point where he doesnt have to fear Danzo and other bad guys, and even has the support from powerhouses like Sakumo and Hiruzen(albeit hiruzens just conditionally). Yet he fails to act accordingly to what he knows. He admits that his Grilfriend and Mother, who he loves sincerely, are being targeted by Danzo and Root, but does nothing besides watching them. He continues to go on missions, even for extended periods of time, trusting that the few ANBU hiruzen puts on his mother will be able to protect her if the one eyed madman decides to kill her. Said ANBU somehow magically dont realize that MC´s mother leaves the house at midnight multiple times, to dive into a river (or water idk) behind her house, definetly not suspicious. To top it all off, MC lacks the IQ to bring his mother to a real medic, to understand why her health keeps deteriorating despite him feeding her magical pill. He is even friends with tsunade, the best medic in the world and even at Konoha at this time, but doesnt cosult her or even remotely tries to find out what lies behind his mothers condition. Long stor short she dies *shock*, and MC is now resolved to act. Definetly not too late, yeah definetly... Well this goes on in many more facettes of the story, and it is just filled with holes. Characters: The character Design is a bit of a mix, because of how vastly different and inconsistant they are being shown. MC´s mother, who the whole substory for the first 60 chapter resolves around, is shown decently often, and even has some depth and mystery to her. Aaaaand... thats it. Mc´s friends, his classmates who he entrusts information which would get him killed with, Minato his BF and later adoptive brother, Sakumo his mentor and Sensei, Danzo Hiruzen and Madara, and last but not least his childhood sweetheart and later GF Kushina are just empty shells with increasingly repetetive lines and less and less substance as the story goes on. Whiel his other friends are not even mentioned after the first chapters, Minato, MC´s brother, is just someone he greets on the street with two or three sentences, upon returning form month long missions. Their whole dynamic resolves around teasing each other for a bit and go their own way. Okay. Hiruzen, Danzo and Madara are shown even less, which could be okay if there was a mysterious intrigue around them, but its just the same one dimensional character portrayal which so many ff fall upon. The weirdest tho is his dynamic and his interactions with Kushina, the female lead. She, albeit not having much screen time in the original, has a very rich character and so much potential, but the author didnt act on that. It would be understandable if he pushed the romance behind or focused on other aspects, but that was not it either. MC and kushina know each other since childhood and fancy one another. Yet in ALL instances of their interactions, The longest conversation they have consists of no more than generally 2 or 3 sentences. MC returns from the frontlines, learning from his mother that kushina asked about him everyday, visiting their house, and he decides to leave before she can meet him. He only stays because his mother implies that he could lose her to Minato. Kushina comes, blushes, greets him aaaaaaaaaand... scene is over. Thats about the whole story. As of chapter 55 They are finally together, and the sum of all their spoken line would be no more than maybe 15. MC´s mother died and he is desperate for love and affection, even asking you for it? Nah, we have to wait a few more days as we only then reach the age of 18. Ye, ok. Well all in all. It was an interesting approach and even though i admittedly bashed it, the fanfic does provide at least some degree of originality. Where it falls severley short is the Character Design, which is barely one dimensional, and the World buidling and Story Development, albeit starting off promising. The writing quality is good. There are only few grammar mistakes, and it is easy to read and understand. All in all i dropped it at chap 60, after failing to keep myself on track, hoping that the Author would finally use all the pillars and seeds which he placed at the beginning. Readable, but very very lackluster.
揭示劇透
Oh my God, there is no harem. I love you because there is no harem I will begin with the readers now, but 5 stars for you because there is no harem
What's the point of timeskip when you make 5,6 chapter's explaining the skip😐 Gfdudhgfgyggyhgggghyyghhgghhgghhgggghhhhggghhhhgghhhffhh
Writing quality is decent but template system power scaling is always a little flawed and limits character development. But if you like template system fics, then give this a read, as it is better than most.
Just gotta say. It is too forced. Mc's Mother dies because he is too stupid. There was a lot of way to save her but mc needed his character development...
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using this review to counter the fake reviews cause this book is not bad..................................................................................
i find this boring . i couldn't attach to the MC . i dropped this twice and in two days . now i don't remember anything about the story
I really didn't like this book. It was just barely good enough to keep reading until the end and nothing really changes from the original story. The templates were not explored well and neither was his mother's clan. I think you should stop writing this and just start something new.
Ima be honest here and say this. I may seem like I'm putting a review in here really early, afterall, I'm only 2 chapters in, but, there is just one thing I had to put in here that the author keeps doing. Please...PLEASE stop repeating your words so much. This is just advice from a fellow writer(although I don't really publish) and put some more personality into your characters. From what I can see, they're just generic with a basic face. What I mean by that is, for example, Yukan, the MC, is a bit flat and for the beginning of your story, that ain't a good sign. He has the all round, cliché sad backstory and even though he has a system, I feel that he's not really utilizing and exploring much of it...first of all, how did he get the template?(Probably explained later, right?) Second, another useful tip I learned, stop extending your paragraphs and sentences. There are way to many unnecessary words put into it, and rather than interesting, it makes it tedious to read. If you put into your sentence "Konoha was at peace once the battle was over" you don't need to continue adding afterwards 'The children were running around in happiness after the war ended.' It's repetitive and both still give off the same message, just in different words.
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Я просто не могу читать дальше... 78 глав, я читал с большим трудом. Герой очень... пассивный? В общем не пытается. Он мог бы стать медиком... что за ерунда с талантом? Просто трудись и все... нет он полагается на систему. Вообще система это самый большой минус этого фанфика. был бы странный геном они было бы лучше, как и мечник, нет ничего что нельзя было сделать в рамках силы мира Наруто. Но самое плохое было в непонятном ориентировании на героя злодеев. Данзо психопат, а этого НЕ БЫЛО в каноне. Он был лживым но не убийцей своих без КРАЙНЕЙ необходимости. Учихи готовили переворот в деревне... конечно он решит их уничтожить, это логично. Но это не было поступком психопата, он был высокомерным идиотом с жаждой власти но не психом!
Honest review 5 stars author is not english so give him a break on the grammar, and the writing is good the only downside is the super slow template, understand if author nerfed it due to kijin physique but it feels like it wont develop until 200 chaps later but i do hope its not like that because it would be nice if he unlocks other templates too.
Votre fanfic est plein d'incohérence et de faute dans l'intrigue, tout d'abord minato et kushina et les autre de leurs génération ont obtenu leurs diplôme de ninja pendant la 2nd grande guerre shinobi et y'ont participer , à la fin je pence qu'il sont devenu jonin ou chunin je ne m'en souviens plus , et ma chronologie à laquelle vous est celle ou kakashi est à l'académie je pense , votre fanfic serai si vous commencez par corriger cette incohérence dans la chronologie , après je n'ai lu que quelques chapitres pour savoir que c'est épouvantable surtout avec le défaut de la chronologie , franchement vous avez beaucoup de chose qui ont besoin d'être corrigé
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This is your second attempt to correct the inconsistencies from the last fic you wrote and lemme tell you that you absolutely blew it. I suggest you to find another hobby or passion cuz writing stories is bot for you
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This is, what you may think, the famous, Author Review. Here, in short I would like to answer some questions people may have before reading. 1. No, I did not put the tags wrong, there is NOT going to be any harem. 2. Romance is not the main focus of this story. 3. Everything in here has a reason for it to happen, nothing is happening without any connection in future. So if you can, trust me through some absurd things in between. 4. I have considered about the emotional approach of the MC a lot more. I have tried to portray him as a normal human who isn't perfect and may need help from his friends. 5. He is no goody-two shoes or the Hokage's dog. MC could give lesser f's about Konoha. He only stays here and defends it since his mother lives there and he loves her a lot. (A normal mother-son love. Don't ask that question) 6. As for the relations, those who have already read it in the previous work, please do not spoil it for the new ones (If there are any). 7. Lastly, Yup, Naruto will indeed take birth but not as the MC's son. 8. Ask me any other questions you have in the comment section in chaps, here or on my discord. Username is given in the story description.