章節 6: Yukino Yukinoshita always stands firm. [ 2 ]
Once we got to the special-use building, I guess Ms. Hiratsuka wasn't
worried about me running away anymore, so she finally released me. But
even then, as she was walking out, she glanced back at me. Her look didn't
say she wanted to see me a little longer or that she didn't want to leave me.
There was no trace of any of that. No, the impression I got was one of pure
murderous intent as though warning, If you even try to run, you know what'll
happen, right?
Smiling bitterly, I walked down the hallway. The corner of the special-use
building was as still as death, with a chilly draft flowing through it.
Though there had to have been other clubs engaging in their activities at
the time, their noise apparently didn't carry this far. I don't know if that was
because of the location or a result of the mysterious aura emanating from
Yukino Yukinoshita.
I put my hand on the door to slide it open. To be honest, my heart felt
heavy, but it would have bothered me to run away simply because of that.
Basically, I just had to not give a crap about anything she said. I wouldn't
think of us as two people in a room together. It was instead one person and
one other person. I wouldn't feel awkward or uncomfortable if she were a
total stranger to me.
Today I would be initiating "Being Alone Isn't Scary" strategy number
one: If you see a stranger, think of them as a stranger. By the way, there is no
strategy number two. Essentially, I think that awkward feeling is caused by
looming thoughts like I have to talk about something or I have to be friends
with this person. I mean, when you sit down on a train next to someone,
you'd never think, Oh man, we're all alone! This is so awkward! If I
approached it that way, she'd give up. She would just sit quietly and read her
book.
When I opened the door to the club room, Yukinoshita looked exactly the
same as she had the day before, sitting there reading.
I opened the door but didn't know what to say to her. I just made a small
bow and walked toward her.
Yukinoshita regarded me briefly and then went back to her paperback.
"I'm this close, right here in front of you, and you're going to ignore me?"
She was so committed to ignoring me, I wondered for a moment if I'd
turned into air. This was exactly how I felt in class every day.
"What a strange greeting. What tribe are you from?"
"…Good afternoon." Unable to endure her sarcasm, the greeting drilled
into me since preschool popped out of my mouth, and when it did,
Yukinoshita smiled.
I think this was the first time she'd ever smiled at me. It taught me some
useless factoids—like that when she smiles, she gets dimples and her canines
poke out a little bit.
"Good afternoon. I thought you wouldn't come again."
Frankly, I think that smile was foul play. Foul play on the level of
Maradona's Hand of God. In other words, in the end, I had no choice but to accept it. "I-I just came because if I'd run away, I'd have lost the
competition! D-don't get the wrong idea!" That was a slightly rom-com-ish
exchange. But usually, the positions of the guy and the girl are reversed. This
wasn't right.
Yukinoshita didn't appear particularly offended by my statement. Rather,
she just kept on talking as if unconcerned that I'd replied at all.
"I think
getting dressed down that badly would stop the average person from ever
coming again. Are you a masochist?"
"No!"
"A stalker, then?"
"Not that, either! Hey, why are these guesses based on the assumption that
I like you?"
"You don't?" The jerk just nonchalantly tilted her head to the side, a
baffled expression on her face. It was kind of cute but not worth the cost of
this exchange.
"No way! Even I'm turned off by your massive ego."
"Oh? I got the impression that you liked me," she said, her expression
cold and neutral as always, showing no surprise.
It's true: Yukinoshita did have a cute face. She was so cute that even
someone like me, who didn't have a single friend in this school, knew about
her. There was no doubt she was one of the hottest girls in school.
But even so, her ego was abnormal.
"What kind of upbringing makes you believe such naive bull crap? Was
every day your birthday? Was your boyfriend Santa Claus?" It would've had
to be something like that for her to have developed such a relentlessly
optimistic brain. If she continued down this path, she was sure to meet a sorry
end. She had to correct that trajectory before she did something that couldn't
be undone.
Against my better judgment, the human kindness inside me stirred. I
chose my words carefully to soften the blow. "Yukinoshita. You're abnormal.
Don't think otherwise. Get a lobotomy or something."
"You should be a little more tactful. For your own good." Yukinoshita
snickered as she looked at me, but her eyes weren't smiling… Terrifying. To
her credit, she didn't call me garbage or trash or whatever. Frankly, if her
face wasn't so cute, I would most certainly have been punching it.
"Well,
from the perspective of an inferior being such as yourself, I may seem abnormal, but to me, this is the epitome of common sense. Experience has
taught me that I am right." Yukinoshita proudly threw out her chest and
chuckled smugly.
It's funny. That bearing is quite attractive on her.
"Experience, huh…?" Her putting it that way made me think she must
indeed have had a Santa Claus boyfriend. Her appearance alone was enough
to convince me of it.
"You must be having such a fun time at school, then," I muttered with a
sigh.
Yukinoshita twitched. "I-indeed I am. Quite frankly, my time here has
wanted for neither too much nor too little of anything. It's been a very placid
experience,"
she said, but for some reason, she was facing the other way. And
thanks to that pose, I gathered another fatally useless factoid: the gentle line
from her chin to her neck was rather beautiful.
Watching her, I belatedly realized something. I think if I'd been calmer, I
would have noticed it right away, though. It was completely impossible for
such a naturallycondescending egotist to construct normal human relationships, and thus, it was impossible that her life at school could be
going as smoothly as she claimed.
Let's just ask her about that…
"Hey. You have any friends?" I inquired.
Yukinoshita averted her gaze. "Well, first, can you define exactly what
constitutes a 'friend'?"
"Oh, never mind. Only someone who has no friends would ask that."
Source: me.
Honestly, though, I didn't know what exactly counted as a friend, either. I
think it's about time someone explains to me how it's different from an
acquaintance.
Are you friends if you meet someone once and siblings if you
see them everyday Mi-Do-Fa-Do-Re-Si-So-La-O? Why is "O" the only part
of that name that isn't a note in the musical scale? Details matter, damn it!
The designations used to differentiate friends and acquaintances are pretty
suspect to begin with. It's especially striking with girls. Even when you're in
the same class, I feel like you have to rank them as classmates, friends, or
best friends. So then where do you draw the line between those categories?
But let's get back on topic.
"Well, I can see you having no friends, so yeah, never mind."
"I didn't say I have none, now did I? Even if I didn't have any, it wouldn't
necessarily be disadvantageous."
"Oh, okay. Of course. Yeah, yeah." I smoothly brushed aside her excuse
as she glowered at me. "But, like, how do you have no friends if everybody
likes you?"
Yukinoshita looked indignant. Then she turned away, seemingly
displeased, and opened her mouth. "I'm sure you wouldn't understand." Her
cheeks were slightly puffed out as she fixed her gaze in the opposite
direction.
Well, Yukinoshita and I are completely different individuals, so I
wouldn't understand what she was feeling, not in the slightest. Even if she
were to tell me, I'm sure it would be difficult to grasp. No matter how far you
go, in the end, people can never really understand one another.
But on this subject, on solitude… This is the one area in which I think I
could relate to her.
"Well, it's not like I don't see your point. You can have fun on your own.
I'm actually disgusted by the idea that a person can't be alone."
…
Yukinoshita considered me for an instant before flicking her gaze away
again and closing her eyes. She seemed to be thinking about something.
"You're alone because you want to be, so it's irritating when people pity
you for it. I get that, I get that."
"Where does an inferior entity like you get off treating me like one of
your own? It's quite vexing," she complained, trying to dispel her irritation
by combing back her hair.
"Well, though you and I are people of a very different caliber, I can
sympathize with the sentiment of being alone because you want to be.
Though it pains me to say so," she added, grinning in mild self-deprecation.
It was a slightly dark but also peaceful smile.
"What do you mean, 'people of a different caliber'? I have a very
informed opinion on the art of aloneness. I'm so informed, you could even
call me the Master Loner. The idea that someone like you could preach about
being a loner is actually absurd."
"What's this…? Suddenly you come across as such a strong, reliable—if
slightly sorrowful—man." Yukinoshita gaped at me with shock and surprise on her face.
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