章節 35: This mystery is solved!
In the classroom the next day, Yuigahama was on fire. It was lunch hour, and
I was not going to my usual spot. As I reached out to grab the pastry and the
Sportop I had bought, Yuigahama came over, and our meeting of careful
planning began.
"I'll go ask around first… S-so you don't have to kill yourself trying,
Hikki. Actually, you don't have to do anything!"
"O-okay. Thanks, I guess. You seem really into this…" Frankly, it was
weirding me out.
"I-I'm just, like, y'know… It's because Yukinon asked me!"
"O-oh, really…" If she actually did worship Yukinoshita that hard, then I
really was weirded out. But it was abundantly clear that for all Yuigahama's
incentive, her pains weren't going to get her anywhere. It was deeply
unnerving. "It's nice that you're so motivated, but what exactly are you going
to do?"
"Hmm… I'm gonna try asking the girls about it. They're the ones who
know the most about class relationships. Plus, sometimes when they're
talking about people they don't like, they get carried away and tell you all
sorts of stuff."
"Man, girl talk is scary. Whoa." So it was the enemy-of-my-enemy- is- my-friend idea. What advanced tactics…
"It's not that scary! It's just, like…complaining…or swapping
information, I guess?"
"I guess it really depends on the way you put it."
"Anyway! You're bad at that stuff, right? I'll handle it, so don't worry."
Yuigahama was absolutely correct. Frankly, I wasn't suited to casual
chitchat or investigative enquiry. Just me going up to talk might make people
suspicious. I wouldn't be asking them questions; they'd probably end up
asking me questions, questions like Who are you?
Yuigahama's position in the class was well suited for this task. She was
also good at being social. She'd been polishing her fear of other people's
opinions her entire life, and now it was time to put it to use.
"Yeah…sorry, I'll leave this to you. Go for it."
"Okay!" Yuigahama psyched herself up and cut into Miura's clique.
These were the girls who were friends with Hayama and his guy friends.
"Sorry I took so long!"
"Oh, Yui. You took forever!" Miura and the other girls of the clique
greeted her apathetically.
"So, like, Tobecchi and, like, Ooka and, like, Yamato have been acting
kinda weird lately, huh? It kinda feels like…I dunno, you know?"
Pfft! I snorted as I overheard Yuigahama. Straight to the point like a
baseball to the face. That was a 160 km/hr gyro ball! That would easily have
been a rank S in MLB Power Pros. But her control scored a solid F.
"Huh? Since when have you been one to talk like that, Yui?" Ebina took a
step back. I think her name was Ebina. Probably.
Miura's eyes glittered, and she wasted no time making her attack. "Look,
Yui, that was uncalled for, you know? It's mean to gossip about your
friends!" It was a lovely thing to say, and Miura's remarks put her in an
overwhelmingly superior position.
Now Yuigahama was the one about to lose her place in the group. What
the hell was she doing?
But Yuigahama was backpedaling with all she had. "No! That's not what I
mean! Um, I'm just, like…kinda interested…"
"What, do you have a crush on one of them?"
"That's not what I mean at all! I mean, I am interested in someone, but
he's, like…you know, so…," Yuigahama gasped, a look on her face that said, Oh no! Miura's lips twisted into a smirk.
"Ohh? Yui…do you have a crush on someone? Tell us! C'mon, c'mon.
We'll help you out!"
"N-no, I said that's not what I mean! Those three have just kind of been
on my mind lately…or their relationship? I guess? I just feel like it's been
odd lately!"
"Oh, is that all? That's no fun." Miura had clearly lost interest. She
opened her phone and began clacking away at it.
But Ebina bit. "I understand… So you've been thinking about it, too,
Yui… Honestly, I have, too."
"Yeah, yeah! It's like things have gotten all tense between them or
something!"
"Well, personally…" Ebina sighed, fixing her with a serious gaze. "I think
Tobecchi is totally an uke! And Yamato is the arrogant seme. Oh, and Ooka
is the seductive uke. There's definitely something going on with that
threesome!"
"Yeah, I know…wha?"
"But, like, all of them are definitely after Hayato! Hnnng! It's like they're
all holding back for the sake of their friendship! It's such a shiptease!"
Whoa, are you kidding me? Who knew Ebina was so intense? Like… her
nose is bleeding.
"Uhh…" Yuigahama seemed at a loss, but Miura just breathed a weary
sigh.
"There it is: Ebina's disease. Ebina, you're cute when you keep your
mouth shut, so at least try to pretend to be normal. And wipe your nose."
"Ah…ah-ha-ha!" Yuigahama was so overwhelmed she laughed to avoid
saying anything. When she noticed that I was watching, she quietly raised her
hand in apology as if to say, Sorry, I failed!
Well, a lot of things had gone wrong from the start, anyway. Even without
Ebina in the picture, it would have gone belly-up. So that meant it was my
turn. But I couldn't just go around chatting up my classmates. So how should
I go about performing recon on these people?
The answer was obvious. I'd just watch them intently. If I can't talk to
people—no, precisely because I can't talk to people—I can gather
information through other avenues. It is said that only around 30 percent of
human communication is done through language. The other 60 percent is communicated through subtle gestures and movements of the eyes. It's so
important there's a saying about it: The eyes say more than the mouth. It's a
great paradox: loners who engage in no conversation at all can manage about
70 percent of all communication. Right?
Yeah, no, this is bull.
Now then, I shall exhibit another of my vast array of skills: human
observation. I'm also a pretty good shot. Like I said, I was basically Nobita.
My method is incredibly simple.
1. Stick in ear buds but don't turn on any music. Just listen to the
conversations around you.
2. Stare like you're zoning out, but actually be looking really hard at the
guys in Hayama's clique to read their faces.
This concludes the explanation.
Hayama was encamped in a seat by the window. He was leaning against
the wall, with Tobe, Yamato, and Ooka surrounding him. This told me
something exceedingly simple: that Hayama was the highest-ranked person in
the group. The wall is the ultimate backrest, the seat of a king. Though the
four boys probably had no idea of this, their very ignorance proved it to be an
instinctual, essential behavior.
It looked as if each of Hayama's three friends had their set roles.
"So yeah. Our coach started to hit balls for fielding practice right into the
rugby club! It was rough, man. Those balls are hard!"
"Our advisor flipped over that, too."
"We were killing ourselves laughing, though! But, like, the rugby guys
held their own. Not like the soccer team—we're a mess. Man, it was so
crazy! Balls were just flying at us from the outfield! It was a war zone out
there!"
Ooka started the conversation, Yamato yes-manned it, and then Tobe got
excited about it. It was like a well-organized play. Shakespeare said that all
the world's a stage, but I think everyone just fulfills the roles that are given to
them. And the director and audience of this performance was Hayama. He
sometimes laughed, sometimes changed the subject, and sometimes joined in.
I observed a number of things in my surveillance.
Oh, that guy just clicked his tongue under his breath.
This one suddenly went quiet when the guy next to him started talking…
And the other one was fiddling with his phone like he was bored. He was
really not into this.
The one who got this vague smile on his face whenever they talked about
dirty stuff was a virgin. Definitely. Source: me. Seriously, I never know how
to react when the conversation turns dirty. I'll just pause for a beat and then
go, I'm not horny at all lately! like I'm trying to brag about it. I wonder why I
do that?
I felt like all my intel was useless. Figuring I wouldn't be seeing any
results, I sighed, and that was when it happened.
"Sorry, 'scuse me for a sec," Hayama said and stood, then headed toward
me. Apparently, Hayama had noticed my staring. He was probably gonna be
like, What're you lookin' at, ya punk? What middle school do you go to? My
heart pounded with fear.
"What?" I said, hiding my trembling.
Hayama did not burst into a fit of rage or grab my collar and demand my
allowance; he merely grinned brightly. "Oh, I was just wondering if you'd
figured something out."
"Not really, uh…" About all I'd learned was that Ebina was a fujoshi and
that Ooka was a virgin. As I reviewed my findings, I looked over at Ooka and
the others, and what I saw caught me by surprise. The three guys were acting
bored, fiddling with their phones, occasionally glancing over toward
Hayama. And the answer suddenly came to me. It was a flash of insight like a
tranquilizer bolt to the back of the neck.
"What is it?" Hayama asked, perplexed.
I grinned back at him. "This mystery is solved!"
Naturally, I will showcase my deductions after the commercial.
After school, Yukinoshita, Yuigahama, Hayama, and I all gathered in the
clubroom.
"How did it go?" Yukinoshita asked for our findings.
Yuigahama tittered. "Sorry! I tried asking the girls, but they didn't know
anything!" Her apology was sincere.
Well, there was no helping that. Afterward, Ebina had continued to babble on to Yuigahama about semes and ukes and division or some other nonsense,
and there was no way Yuigahama could have discovered anything after that.
Head bowed, Yuigahama slowly peered up at Yukinoshita's face.
But Yukinoshita didn't seem particularly angry. "Oh, well, I don't really
mind."
"Huh? You don't?"
"You could take it to mean that the girls are uninvolved and uninterested
in this. The problem is between the boys in Hayama's clique. Yuigahama,
good work."
"Y-Yukinon…" Yuigahama's eyes were brimming with tears of emotion.
She tried to embrace the other girl, but Yukinoshita smoothly dodged, and
Yuigahama's forehead smacked into the wall.
Yukinoshita, exasperated, patted the tearful Yuigahama's injured forehead
as she looked at me. "So what about you?"
"Sorry, I didn't find any clues as to the culprit."
"I see." I was sure she was going to mock me, but Yukinoshita just sighed
and cast a gaze of deep pity in my direction. "Nobody would talk to you,
hmm?"
"That's not why." Though it was true that nobody would bite if I tried to
start a conversation. I mean, just talking to someone and keeping the
conversation going expended a lot of my mental energy. It used about as
much MP as Magic Burst, seriously. "I don't know about the culprit, but I did
figure one thing out," I said.
Yukinoshita, Yuigahama, and Hayama leaned forward to listen.
Confronted with doubt, hope, and curiosity, I cleared my throat.
That was Yukinoshita's cue to ask, "What did you find out?"
"I found out that that clique is Hayama's clique."
"Huh? We already know that, duh," Yuigahama scoffed. It was as if her
eyes were saying, Is this guy a virgin or what? Like Ooka?
Hey, you keep Ooka out of this.
"Um…what do you mean, Hikitani?"
"Oh, sorry I wasn't clear. Adding that s at the end denotes possessive
case. In other words, it means 'belonging to Hayama, for Hayama.'"
"Uh, I don't feel like they're mine, though," Hayama said, but he was just
ignorant of the situation. The other three might be, too.
But I was an outsider looking in, and to me it was clear as day. "Hayama, have you seen those three when you're not around?"
"No, I haven't."
"Of course he hasn't. How could he see them if he's not there?"
Yukinoshita sneered and sighed.
I nodded. "That's why Hayama hasn't noticed. An outsider can see that
when those three are alone together, they don't get along at all. To put it in a
simpler way: They each see Hayama as their friend, but they only see each
other as friends of a friend."
Yuigahama was the only one to react. "Oh, ohhh, I know that feeling…
It's awkward when the person who keeps the conversation going leaves, you
know? You don't know what to talk about, and you end up just messing
around with your phone…" Her head drooped, apparently under the weight
of a bad memory.
Yukinoshita tugged repeatedly at her sleeve, asking quietly, "I-is that how
it is?"
Yuigahama folded her arms and nodded an affirmative.
It was no surprise Yukinoshita didn't know about this. She'd never had
friends, so she'd never had friends of friends, either.
Hayama was silently considering what I'd said. But there was nothing he
could have done. To Hayama, they were his friends, but their other
relationships were their own business. To have friends is to accept the
difficulties that come with them. Having a large cohort was not always
advantageous, and Hayama was serving as a prime example. Put another
way, lots of friends means lots of people surrounding you. You can't run
away. In Dragon Quest terms, that means the entire party is going to die. But
I knew a way out.
"Even if what you're saying is true, Hikigaya, that's only a corroboration
of their motives. Isn't there a way to figure out which one of them is doing it?
The situation will not be resolved until we take out the culprit. We have to
hurry and get all three…" Yukinoshita put her hand to her jaw in thought.
Casually talking about taking people out, Yukinoshita, you're scaring me.
Were the Sagawa and Shimoda you mentioned before taken out? The idea of
people going missing at our school terrified me, so I suggested a different
approach. "There's no need to take out the culprit. That's another matter
entirely," I said, and Yukinoshita tilted her head with a question on her face
as she looked at me.
Her reasoning was To stop the crime you must stop the criminal, and that
wasn't wrong. But there's another way. A jewel heist could never be
successful if there was no jewel to steal. So you just have to steal it before it's
stolen. I had ninja skills, after all, so I was more suited to being a jewel thief
than a detective, anyway.
"Hayama, I can resolve this problem, if you want. I can do it without
exposing the thief and without any arguments. And they might become
friends." I wonder what expression I was wearing. At the very least, I think it
was a smile, and such a wonderful smile that Yuigahama went "E-eugh…"
and shrank back.
I felt like a Zaimokuza-esque heh-heh-heh might slip out of my mouth. If
there were demons that pressured humans into wicked bargains, they might
have looked a little like me.
The pitiful lamb, Hayama, nodded in assent to the devil's proposition.
***
It was the day after Hayama made his fateful decision.
Our classmates' names were listed on the blackboard in the classroom.
Each set of three names represented the groups for the work-experience
event. The three girls who sat beside me chattered and smiled to each other.
Apparently, they'd decided among themselves beforehand, as they went up to
the blackboard and began to write down their names.
As for me, I didn't approach anyone. I just zoned out and watched. This
was how I dealt with forming groups.
At times like these, it's important to do nothing. It was like Shingen
Takeda said: steadfast as a mountain. He was exactly right. Skipping out of
class as swiftly as the wind, nodding off at your desk as quietly as the forest,
jealousy raging hot as fire, steadfast as a mountain. I would wait until the
situation shifted and the homeroom teacher said, Yes, yes, I get that you all
hate Hikigaya, but it's not good to leave people out! You can't do that!
You damn old bat Isehara, my homeroom teacher from fourth grade… I'll
never forgive you.
Anyway, they say that all good things come to those who wait, so if I
pretended to be asleep, then before you know it Hachiman the loner would join a pair who failed to find anyone else and took me as their compulsory
third. And then we'd declare ourselves a group!
Agh, I'm going to sleep.
I made use of another of my vast array of skills: pretending to be asleep.
By the way, one of my others was becoming one of the good guys during a
long plot arc. I was basically Gian.
Then someone gently shook my shoulder. Even through my clothes I
could feel a soft, delicate hand. A voice called my name, like music from the
heavens. Still dozing, drifting above the clouds, I opened my eyes.
"Morning, Hachiman."
"An angel? Oh, it's Saika." Phew, that startled me. He was so cute I could
have sworn he was an angel.
Totsuka giggled and plopped down beside me, replacing the girl who had
been there until a moment ago.
"Is something wrong?" I asked, and Totsuka grasped the cuff of my gym
uniform as he floundered, eyes upturned.
"W-we're…separating into groups…"
"Hmm? Oh, that's right. They should be about done figuring them out
soon." I seem to remember that Totsuka had already decided his. That was
too bad. I did a full-body stretch and looked around the classroom. Once most
of the class was done picking out their groups, it was time for us loners to do
our thing and steel ourselves to form temporary groups among ourselves. I
would prefer to end up with other solitary types; if I took too long, I would
get stuck with a pair who were already friends.
It happened while I was checking the names written on the blackboard,
looking for other rejects. There was a group of three that was writing their
names. A familiar-looking trio.
Tobe, the blond party-type.
Dull-witted and indecisive Yamato.
Assimilating virgin Ooka.
Three for the Kill: the Next Generation! I was witness to the formation of
a new group. My favorite character in particular is assimilating virgin Ooka.
After the three had made their group official, they looked at each other and
smiled a little shyly. Hayato Hayama's name was not there.
As I watched, a voice from behind caught me unawares. "Mind if I sit
here?" He sat beside Totsuka without waiting for my reply In the face of this sudden and unexpected guest, Totsuka mumbled, "Uum…" and sent me an anxious glance. Supercute.
"This all ended peacefully, thanks to you," Hayato Hayama said with his
trademark grin. "Thanks."
"I didn't really do anything." Why was he coming to talk to me so
casually? Was he just a good guy? Was that it?
"But you did. If you hadn't let me know what was going on, there would
probably still be some bad blood between them," Hayama said.
I really was no saint, though. I had just wanted to try dragging Hayama
down the path of the loner. The reason for the hostility in the first place was
wanting to be with Hayama. So you just had to take away the cause of their
conflict. In other words, you had to exclude him.
A loner is sort of like a permanently neutral country. Your absence
prevents discord, and you don't get dragged into trouble. If everyone in the
world just kept to themselves, there would most certainly be no war or
discrimination. You know, I think it's about time I got a Nobel Peace Prize.
"I've always felt like I should be friends with everyone, but I guess
sometimes I can be the cause of conflict, huh…?" Hayama mumbled, forlorn.
I had no words to offer him; all I could give him was a bored snort.
Though Hayama had come to the Service Club in search of a solution, all I
had been able to give him was the option to throw himself under the bus.
Even though he was a good guy, the kind who would come and talk to me
and remember Zaimokuza's name. Even though he was the best there was at
living high school life to the fullest. But in spite of that—no, precisely
because of that, Hayato Hayama said, "The three of them were taken aback
when I said I wouldn't join any of them, though. I hope this will lead to them
becoming real friends."
"Yeah…" Mildly disconcerted, I gave a noncommittal response to
indicate that I was listening. Frankly, I thought that being this good of a guy
was some kind of illness.
"Thanks. So then, since I don't have a group yet, how about we make one
ourselves?" Hayama extended his right hand with a smile.
Huh? A handshake? Why do normies always act so overfamiliar? Good
grief, he's got to be kidding. He's practically an American. "Oh, okkei!" He
was so American, I ended up replying in English.
I gave his hand a firm smack, and Hayama said, "Ow!" and smiled yet again. Now that he was a fellow loner, perhaps he and I had come to
understand each other. Now then, if we just got one more person, then the job
would be done.
And right beside us was a cute creature going "Mnghh!"
"What's wrong, Totsuka?"
When I looked at him, I saw tears welling in his eyes as he puffed up his
cheeks. It was ridiculously cute. "Hachiman…what about me?"
"Huh? Uh…what? Wait, didn't you say you already decided on a group?"
"Listen!" Totsuka braced himself and then squeezed the cuff of my blazer
tight. "I decided from the start…that I'd be with you, Hachiman."
"That's what you meant?"
What a tricky way to put it. Loners are stupidly good at sniffing out hints
that they're not wanted, so if you don't state yourself explicitly, we won't get
these things.
I looked at Totsuka. He was red-faced and apparently sulking at the floor.
Unwittingly, my face relaxed. When I smiled, Totsuka looked up through his
lashes at me and giggled.
Hayama grinned at us, jumped to his feet, and turned to face me. "Then
let's go write our names down. What about the workplace?"
"Up to you," I said, and Totsuka nodded his assent.
Hayama wrote our names on the blackboard. Hayama, Totsuka, Hikigaya.
Oh-ho, he gets my name right when he's writing it down. Even a little thing
like that made me rather happy. Maybe this was what they call "friendship"?
Next, Hayama began to write where we wanted to go. But then…
"Oh, I'm gonna go with the same thing as Hayato!"
"No way, Hayama is going there? Oh, then I'm switching, I'm
switching!"
"Maybe I'll go there, too…"
"Hayama's the best. He's so great!"
Everyone in the class gathered around Hayama all at once, and then while
I was busy staring they all chose the same workplace as Hayama and wrote
their names by his instead. Before I knew it, my name was erased, lost
underneath all the names added by Hayama's. My presence disappeared
along with it, and I faded into the background again. What the hell, am I a
ninja? Maybe I should go do this tour in Iga or Kouga or something.
And then this humble ninja respectfully slipped away unnoticed from the schoolroom…
Needless to say, friendship is another thing that can slip away unnoticed,
anytime, anywhere.
每周推薦票狀態
-- 推薦票
榜單 
-- 推薦票