章節 5: Terrified
Was she okay?
In shame, Leonor downcasted her eyes to the newly received ring on her finger. Despite never conversing properly with him, she was petrified of the man before her. Her fears were based on rumors that lived in her heart. Knowing it was unfair, she knew she had to protect herself to survive. Believing others' words was all she had at that moment.
He asked if she was okay and half of her reeled in mistrust while the other half remembered him taking her to the altar with such gentle touch.
How could she tell him there wasn't a moment that day when she didn't feel on the verge of tears?
Her honesty was disrespectful. No man would want to hear that their wife found it hard to be beside them. She lived an endless cycle of having to hold back true thoughts.
Leonor summoned all of her etiquette training into one answer.
"I'm simply overwhelmed," she responded, finally meeting his eyes and hoping he didn't notice her knuckles turning white as she clutched the lace on the outside of her dress to try and suppress herself. "And I tend to get cold easily."
Wordlessly, the Duke reached for something over Leonor's shoulder causing her to freeze. Relief warmed her heart when the soft brown fur of what seemed to be a bear was wrapped around her shoulders.
"I apologize," he said. "I should have considered this before. My clothing is quite a bit thicker than yours."
"I appreciate your concern," Leonor responded honestly, settling further into the seat. It was the warmest she had been all day. The fur around her shoulders smelled of something smoky as if it had been in a room with a large fireplace.
There were no other words between them and the carriage started to move at the instruction of the Duke.
The carriage rocked and Leonor struggled to stay awake. The tension in her body had exhausted her and she could only take so much before giving in. Her final justification before shutting her eyes was the Duke seemingly looking out the window based on where his hood was pointed.
In her slumber, she didn't see his head turn towards her and he pulled back his hood to get fresh air on his head. The woman before him was cold while he was burning up from the layer of bandages, underclothes, clothing, cape, and hood. He cooled off before she could wake and see him.
Desmond could tell that she was disgusted at the mere sight of him. It was better to exercise caution and, despite his advisor's insistence not to bandage himself before seeing her, he was glad he had done it. She should have been marrying a handsome fellow but he had his sights set on her for quite some time.
They rode along a hillside to get to the mansion waiting for them in the distance and, as the carriage tilted, he watched his bride start to tilt as well.
Not willing to risk her hitting her head or falling, Desmond reached forward with a bare hand and kept her upright by pressing his large palm against her shoulder. His actions were enough to wake her up. At the look of horror she gave him, he pulled back quickly. The Duke pressed his back against the carriage seat in shame, trying to give her as much space as possible from him.
"I apologize, my lady," he uttered his second apology in one carriage ride. "You were about to fall."
Sleep allowed Leonor to forget about her circumstances for a moment and, when she woke up to a bandaged man holding her upright, she couldn't help being startled. However, his apology and retreat made her feel bad. She shouldn't have responded like that to someone she would have to learn how to get close to.
Her heart clenched and she wondered how far his patience went. Even if it wasn't intentional, if she treated him rudely, how long until he cast her out? Her family wouldn't take her back.
"Please give me your hand, your grace," she breathed out desperately, unsure where her confidence came from. The Duke hesitated but he relented, causing Leonor to feel relieved that he didn't find her disrespectful. "I apologize for reacting that way. I forgot where I was for a moment. You've been so kind to me…"
Leonor didn't know the subtleties of communication. She only knew how to wear her heart on her sleeve. All she wanted to convey was that she should respect him because he was her husband.
Conflicting feelings lived within her. She was offering herself to him but she didn't want him to take her in her entirety. Despite these thoughts, she tried to maintain the same expression as she looked into a single green eye.
Seeing her study him, the Duke pulled his hand away. He was someone who kept his distance.
Based on the words she had heard of him, it was understandable why he wouldn't want someone close. She felt equally upset if he was insecure and relieved that he may show her mercy behind closed doors.
Again, they fell into silence as they were both consumed with separate thoughts.
It wasn't long before they reached the mansion the King had given as a wedding gift to make up for his absence. The Duke was out of the carriage first and hesitated before offering Leonor a hand to step down. He seemed forced to stay with her yet wanted to keep himself far away.
Leonor wondered if there was an ulterior motive for marrying her. Why would he choose her if he refused to get closer? Quickly resigning herself to acceptance, she decided that his unwillingness to get close would be better for her in the long run.
The mansion was smaller than her father's though it was more modern. Her family had the highest point in the county as well. No view could surpass it, in her opinion. It was made of a similar light brown stone and brick except it wasn't quite as bleached from the salty air of the coast.
Because of the rain they had, the gardens were pristine. She couldn't get a good look and was quickly ushered inside and out of the rain.
They walked through a large foyer, and into a dining hall modestly decorated with white flowers and candles. The lighting was dim and, she couldn't see the Duke's face as she looked toward him.
A few from his entourage were already there and stood at their entrance. When they went to their seats, the Duke pulled out her chair for her and waved away a servant who tried to.
"Please, make yourself comfortable, my lady," he said quietly. "Your family is not far behind."
There wasn't much for two people unfamiliar with one another to say so they sat in silence.
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