章節 1: Mean Dragon
EXT. TRAFALGAR SQUARE, LONDON - AFTERNOON
Handsome adventurer SAGE VAHN MASON is arguing with skimpish Author EINLION LEFT FOOT. VAHN tries to hug EINLION but he shakes him off.
VAHN: Please Einlion, don't leave me.
EINLION: I'm sorry Vahn, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
VAHN: I am such a person!
EINLION frowns.
EINLION: I'm sorry, Vahn. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
EINLION leaves.
VAHN sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, intelligent Food Thief BIRD AHOU AHOU barges in looking flustered.
VAHN: Goodness, Ahou! Is everything okay?
AHOU: I'm afraid not.
VAHN: What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
AHOU: It's ... a dragon ... I saw an evil dragon rob a bunch of children!
VAHN: Defenseless children?
AHOU: Yes, defenseless children!
VAHN: Bloomin' heck, Ahou! We've got to do something.
AHOU: I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
VAHN: You can start by telling me where this happened.
AHOU: I was...
AHOU fans himself and begins to wheeze.
VAHN: Focus Ahou, focus! Where did it happen?
AHOU: Greenwich, London! That's right - Greenwich, London!
VAHN springs up and begins to run.
EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
VAHN rushes along the street, followed by AHOU. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
EXT. GREENWICH, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SENCAWKU SENCAWKU a mean dragon terrorises two children.
VAHN, closely followed by AHOU, rushes towards SENCAWKU, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
AHOU: What is is? What's the matter?
VAHN: That's not just any old dragon, that's Sencawku Sencawku!
AHOU: Who's Sencawku Sencawku?
VAHN: Who's Sencawku Sencawku? Who's Sencawku Sencawku? Only the most mean dragon in the universe!
AHOU: Blinkin' knickers, Vahn! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most mean dragon in the universe!
VAHN: You can say that again.
AHOU: Blinkin' knickers, Vahn! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most mean dragon in the universe!
VAHN: I'm going to need holy sword, lots of holy sword.
Sencawku turns and sees Vahn and Ahou. He grins an evil grin.
SENCAWKU: Vahn Mason, we meet again.
AHOU: You've met?
VAHN: Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young VAHN is sitting in a park listening to some jazz music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SENCAWKU. He takes off his headphones.
SENCAWKU: Would you like some Terra's Nectar?
VAHN's eyes light up, but then he studies SENCAWKU more closely, and looks uneasy.
VAHN: I don't know, you look kind of mean.
SENCAWKU: Me? No. I'm not mean. I'm the least mean dragon in the world.
VAHN: Wait, you're a dragon?
VAHN runs away, screaming.
EXT. GREENWICH, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
SENCAWKU: You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
AHOU: (To VAHN) You ran away?
VAHN: (To AHOU) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
VAHN turns to SENCAWKU.
VAHN: I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
VAHN runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
VAHN: I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with holy sword.
SENCAWKU: I'm not scared of you.
VAHN: You should be.
EXT. THE EDEN PROJECT, CORNWALL - LATER THAT DAY
VAHN and AHOU walk around searching for something.
VAHN: I feel sure I left my holy sword somewhere around here.
AHOU: Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly holy sword.
VAHN: You know nothing Ahou Ahou.
AHOU: We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, SENCAWKU appears, holding a pair of holy sword.
SENCAWKU: Looking for something?
AHOU: Crikey, Vahn, he's got your holy sword.
VAHN: Tell me something I don't already know!
AHOU: The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
VAHN: I know that already!
AHOU: I'm afraid of fingering my beer keg..
SENCAWKU: (appalled) Dude!
While SENCAWKU is looking at AHOU with disgust, VAHN lunges forward and grabs his deadly holy sword. He wields them, triumphantly.
VAHN: Prepare to die, you mean potato!
SENCAWKU: No please! All I did was rob a bunch of children!
EINLION enters, unseen by any of the others.
VAHN: I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those children were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Vahn Mason defender of innocent children.
SENCAWKU: Don't hurt me! Please!
VAHN: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these holy sword on you right away!
SENCAWKU: Because Vahn, I am your father.
VAHN looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
VAHN: No you're not!
SENCAWKU: Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
SENCAWKU tries to grab the holy sword but VAHN dodges out of the way.
VAHN: Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, SENCAWKU slumps to the ground.
AHOU: Did he just faint?
VAHN: I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly holy sword.
VAHN crouches over SENCAWKU's body.
AHOU: Be careful, Vahn. It could be a trick.
VAHN: No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sencawku Sencawku is dead!
VAHN: What?
VAHN: Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.
AHOU claps his hands.
AHOU: So your holy sword did save the day, after all.
EINLION steps forward.
EINLION: Is it true? Did you kill the mean dragon?
VAHN: Einlion how long have you been...?
EINLION puts his arm around VAHN.
EINLION: Long enough.
VAHN: Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sencawku Sencawku.
EINLION: Then the children are safe?
VAHN: It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable children enter, looking relived.
EINLION: You are their hero.
The children bow to VAHN.
VAHN: There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sencawku Sencawku will never rob children ever again, is enough for me.
EINLION: You are humble as well as brave!
One of the children passes VAHN a hard Ein's virginity
EINLION: I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
VAHN: I couldn't possibly.
Pause.
VAHN: Well, if you insist.
VAHN takes the Ein's virginity.
VAHN: Thank you.
The children bow their heads once more, and leave.
VAHN turns to EINLION.
VAHN: Does this mean you want me back?
EINLION: Oh, Vahn, of course I want you back!
VAHN smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
VAHN: Well you can't have me.
EINLION: WHAT?
VAHN: You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a dragon to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
EINLION: But...
VAHN: Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Ahou.
AHOU grins.
EINLION: But...
AHOU: You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
EINLION: Vahn?
VAHN: I'm sorry Einlion, but I think you should skidaddle.
EINLION leaves.
AHOU turns to VAHN.
AHOU: Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
VAHN: Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly AHOU stops.
AHOU: When I said I'm afraid of fingering my beer keg., you know I was just trying to distract the dragon, don't you?
THE END
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