/ Anime & Comics / Mage of the Shadows (Danmachi fanfic)
摘要
August Constantine is a young otaku with one dream, to die and be reborn in Danmachi so he could become a adventurer.
A when he dies from the ever-elusive truck-Kun ad meets God, he is more than just happy to have a chance to go on an adventure through the Danmachi world an active his dream of being an adventurer.
General Audiences
標籤
-- 推薦票
榜單 
-- 推薦票 你也許也喜歡
2評論
- 寫作品質
- 更新的穩定性
- 故事發展
- 人物形象設計
- 世界背景
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寫檢討
LV 2 ![Badge]()
Good story good plot 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂Good harem
Chapters are too short, put some more effort into maybe adding some extra details. Please check grammar mistakes also, I see this so many times. Maybe add a chapter where Mc surprises the executives and maybe meeting new people. Add a bit of character development for him by making him doing some good deeds such as helping poor people. Anyway, you have a good start off, just be more careful. It’s saddening to see all these great story plots, only to be let down with poor writing and lack of emotion in the story. Using poor words to describe certain scenarios, making characters have a very obvious pattern at which how they talk/act. Having complex characters are awesome.