章節 1: CLAUDE, 15 days before THE day
The deck was ablaze. People were crying and shouting as they left their cabins. Lifeboats were strewn all around the sinking cruise. Luggages were being thrown into the waters. Panic is everywhere.
Meanwhile, inside a burning cabin, I sat, crying. Blaine came to me and hugged me. He slipped his fingers through my hair and kissed my forehead.
"Shhh, you're safe now, my love." He held my hand and we ran through the burning flames until we reached the end of the deck. We saw lifeboats waiting for us in the waters. The edge of the deck lay meters away from the lifesavers. I glanced behind me and I saw huge churning dark red flames coming for us. Blaine looked at me and smiled. "You trust me, don't you?"
In one swift move we jumped from the cruise to safety. We splurged into the waters. He held my hands as we swam towards the waiting boats. He immediately asked for a dry towel and covered it around me. He looked at my eyes, and he touched my numb, freezing lips. "We're safe now, okay?" He leaned closer to my face. His warm breath is rapture above the frost. I closed my eyes, waiting. I felt his warm lips caress mine. It lingers there for a moment, then stops. I stood still, waiting for another kiss. But there was none. I heard terrified voices.
I opened my eyes and saw my fiancé, lying on his back, covered with blood. With one fine struck, he was murdered by a falling mast. I stood there, stunned, just looking. Everything around me went blurry, until everything went black.
"CUT!" Shawi, our director interrupted and stood up. In a lifeboat from afar he went closer to us. "Emotions, Claude. Emotions!" He is obviously angered by numerous takes of this particular scene. "Your husband-to-be is dying! Don't just look there and fade out without even showing any expression!"
I sighed. "Okay, got it." I tried to be chill and focused.
"You've said that a billion times today, Claude." He turned his back to me and got his microphone. "Wrap up everybody, let's call it a day." He turned to me again with a sharp glare while I dried myself up. "You wasted everybody's time." Then he was lost.
I called my personal assistant to fetch me my things. "Ugh. I knew I'll never like this shitty movie." I stood up from the lifeboat and attempted to step out. But hell yeah, this day is proving itself as one of the worst. I forgot that I was in real seawater and I splashed myself into it. Screw this movie. Blaine came to me and pulled me out of the water. I grumbled as I was pulled upwards. I dried myself AGAIN with a towel. I just frowned. "Just get me back to camp", I said icily to the boatman. I've been embarrassed enough by that grumpy old gay director. I don't want to talk to anyone.
***
I was back at the mansion in a jiffy. I walked through the dull gray empty hallway to my room. The place couldn't be quieter. I entered my room and slammed the door to hear something other than the ear-piercing silence. I collapsed immediately on my bed. I usually ask the producers if I can have my shoots the nearest place possible to my home. I'm not into exhausting travels. I live in a city somewhere in North Carolina and I'm never in the mood to travel to New York just to get screamed at by love-deprived directors. Because I'm from a family with a huge name in the industry, I get what I want most of the time. Most producers and directors are friends of my family. Except for that Shawi, obviously.
It's not like I'm being a spoiled brat or something, I'm just using my connections, which is honestly the only good thing that I could get from being a part of a Hollywood royalty. I'm not good at acting, I must admit. I'm just one of those pretty dumb college girls who always get killed first in thriller movies, except that I'm a brunette. But since I carry a name, and I was just the only daughter of two of the highest paid celebrities in the industry, they managed to give me big breaks. Most of these movies they give me are in romance, of course. They cannot bear hearing my glass-shattering screams and seeing my expressionless face while I do it, so they never put me in horror films. They also do not put me in tearjerkers because they said I do not know how to cry. And I really don't.
My father was a well-known film star and screenwriter. When he married my mom, he left acting and found his home in producing. My mother, on the other hand, was a sexy star. She was one of her era's finest leading ladies, and she held the Miss International title in 1986. Both of my parents came from Hollywood families themselves. My mom's siblings were all actors and actresses, while my dad's siblings all pursued producing music, TV shows, and films. So basically, I came from a family of high-profiled stars, and I never had the privacy I deserved ever since I can remember.
I was introduced into the industry when I was just a toddler. Could you imagine? I modelled in a diaper brand, and yes, I showed off my butt to the whole world. And I never knew of that until I turned 16, when my mom asked me to model for a well-known fashion brand. I refused her offer and told her I never want to show on TV. Then, she spilled it out. That was the worst moment of my life. Well, discovering that the entire Earth saw your butt without your consent a long time ago was just infuriating, but I was angered more by the fact that the world has been watching me, my every move, my every breath, since I was born by their beloved icon.
I accepted mom's offer after that when I realized I cannot run away from all these. I was born a star, so I have to live like a star. Although my heart says otherwise. And that was the start of my career. A dazzling, captivating Claude Coleman was born. Yes, everyone says I cannot act. And I don't want to blow my own horn here but okay fine I'm blowing it, I'm one hell of a beautiful lady and the industry just couldn't afford losing me.
My thoughts were washed away when I heard a soft knock on my door. I did not respond. I always leave my door unlocked when I'm inside.
A man in a denim jacket and pants came in. Messy hair, yet gorgeous as always. He has dark brown eyes that shine over his sly smile. He looks like the type of guy you'd typically see in an anime, your usual heartbreaker boy. But this one's not. He's smart. He's geeky yet still manages to look handsome. He's basically everything that I'm not. He closed the door behind him. He walks calmly while his hands are stuck inside his pockets.
"I heard you had a bad day." My brother, Ken, sat beside me. Did I mention earlier that I'm an only daughter? Well, I am, the only rose among three thorns. And Ken's one of those thorns. The nicest of all thorns, I may say.
"You have no idea." I grunted and rolled to my side, my back facing him.
"I see you don't want to talk." He said, frowning. He shifted me and made me face him. "But I think you'd want to eat." He smiled, teasing.
"Ughhh." I covered my face with my favourite Spongebob pillow. I really hate being an actress. You see? I have to watch for everything I do, and most importantly for everything I eat! All I ever wanted was to eat as much as I want just like an ordinary person, without worrying about how much pounds they might gain, and how people will quickly judge their bodies. I wish...I wish I was ordinary.
"It's not good for your health, you know. Lying in bed all day. You've got to move up, girl." I laughed softly as he brought up that gay tone again. He always does that whenever I'm upset. It somehow cheers me up.
He's the only brother that I can say has a genuine concern for me. The other two will just pass by me during these kinds of days and nod. They will ask me if I'm okay without any hint of sincerity so I would, of course, just lie and say I'm fine when deep inside I wanted to explode. Then after getting my answer they will just leave and act as if I wasn't present again. They have their own worlds. I have my own, too. Maybe that's why we were never close. They love stardom while I fancy privacy. And I guess that's also why Ken understands my world. He is also not into these kinds of stuff. Our only difference is that he is good at other things. He's an architect. He's good at creating art in our home. He has pursued a more beautiful career, that's why our parents let him be not involved in the family business. And me? Oh, me. I am not good at anything. Even in my own job, acting. I suck at everything. So I have no choice. I'm stuck in this job forever.
I sighed and sat beside my brother. He looked at my eyes intently and by the way he looks at me, I knew what he was saying. He's telling me that again. Those same old words he used to say to me.
"You don't have to live your life pleasing others. You have your right to choose." He softly kissed me on my forehead and that had been my cue to burst it all out. I have always looked up to Ken as my father, because my real dad was never around to fill up his duties as a dad to me, and I have always been glad that Ken stood up to act as one. For the Nth time, I collapsed on my brother's shoulder, crying my heart out. I never wanted anything that is happening in my life. The fame, the money, the praises and criticisms...I hate them all. I never wanted them and I never asked for them. All I ever wanted was a simple, ordinary life. And he knows it.
But what can I do? I have nothing else in my mind to do. I've been programmed since I was a kid to like only this job so I was never given a chance to figure out what I really love doing. When I'm asked about my hobbies, I can't utter any. Everything in my life has been dictated to me. Do this, do that. Eat this, drink that. Do you know what my favorite French fries flavor is? No? Same. I also don't know. Because my mom has always told me they're too much carbs, and I don't need that much carbs. And that salty potatoes aren't healthy. My mom always makes me read magazines and watch TV shows and movies to spend my spare time, but I don't consider them as my hobbies. They're all swamped with perfect curves and shiny blonde hair anyways and I don't enjoy those. I don't even enjoy make-up. I have a miserable life, but I don't know how to get out of it. I was born and raised in this world, and I don't have the courage to leave...yet.
I broke away from his shoulders and looked at him. We were always like this whenever I mess up with my tapings. I know he's expecting the words again...the words I used to respond to him in situations like this. But this time, they came out with more confidence...with more determination.
"I will. I promise you, someday you'll see me happy, in a profession I chose, in the life I desired." He seemed relieved by my words. I caressed his cheek and kissed it. I know it looks weird, but that's just how close Ken and I was. I'd love to say I can be myself with my two other brothers too, but Jeric is too busy jumping through pop stars like a train and France, well, he's France.
His eyes were as teary as mine. It hurts seeing him in pain because of me. He must have been happy now, in his own life choice. But he loves me, and he'll only be happy when I also am. I don't want to see him upset like this anymore. He's been encouraging me for years to decide for my own life. But I'm too afraid to step out of my comfort zone. I'm too afraid to take risks. I've only known things inside this palace. I have always been here and never really had a chance to explore. I'm too afraid to step out. I always let my fears consume my hopes. But he's...he's suffering, because of me. And I've been very selfish not to see that before. Now, I'm determined to change my life, to make him happy. To make myself finally, genuinely, happy.
I got up and pulled him with me. "Let's go downstairs, I smell some bacon." I smiled at him reassuringly and we both stormed down the kitchen.
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