章節 50: Unworthy (1)
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"…It's done."
Leticia sighed deeply as she gazed at the bubbling soup.
Although the family employed resident chefs, as befit a noble house, she always prepared at least one meal for her children. However, today, for the first time, she felt an overwhelming sense of fatigue.
'What have I been doing…'
She stirred the soup absentmindedly, lost in thought.
Her close friend, Jane, had been murdered long ago, and a demon had taken her place.
The fact that she hadn't noticed was utterly disgraceful and embarrassing.
She was the lady of the house, supposed to assist and support her husband, the Count.
Instead of supporting the family in Killain's absence, she had contributed to its downfall, making her feel undeserving.
'Once again, Ian helped us.'
Moreover, Ian was their savior.
The child who had only received wounds from the family had fought for it. The guilt she felt for that was almost unbearable.
'In my heart, I want to thank him, to apologize for everything…'
But did she have the right to say such things?
Leticia knew her place. At least until Ian reached out to her first, she felt she couldn't do anything.
In the end, all Leticia could do was look at photos.
After finishing her meal preparations, she wandered aimlessly around the mansion, eventually finding herself in the middle of a hallway.
Turning her head, she saw a painting of Alex Volkanov charging into battle.
'When I first came here after marrying Killain… I suggested we hang it because the hallway felt empty.'
They had hung the painting from the family's archives, and beneath it, they had planned to place photos of their future children and family.
They hoped that, just as their great ancestor had protected the empire, he would also protect their children.
Initially, there had only been a wedding photo of the couple, but over time, numerous photos accumulated beneath the frame.
However…
'… There's no picture of Ian?'
While there were plenty of photos of Ariel, there were none of Ian.
Even in the family photos where everyone was smiling brightly, Ian was missing.
Eventually, Leticia decided to head to Ian's room. She might not have seen his photos, but she could at least look at the room where he had lived.
Since Ian had left to meet with those from Edenria, she had some time to spare.
As she cautiously entered Ian's room, Leticia was taken aback.
'It's so barren…'
The room was pitifully sparse. It was shocking, enough to make her think, 'Did he really live in such a place?'
Compared to Ariel's room, which was filled with warm carpets and cute decorations, Ian's room had nothing.
The worn desk was splintered, making it easy to get hurt, and the chair creaked with unbalanced legs.
'How can it be so cold and stuffy in here?'
A bigger issue was that the room had never been maintained; wind seeped through the window frames.
Originally a storage room, it lacked even basic heating facilities like a fireplace.
This meant Ian had spent his entire life in this cold, dilapidated space.
She had neglected her innocent son out of mere hatred.
Now, would he accept her apology? Did she even have the right to apologize?
'…'
As she organized her overwhelming thoughts, she noticed something.
"What's that?"
Upon closer inspection, she saw a small piece of paper on the chair. It was crumpled and ink-stained.
Had Ian failed to throw away some trash?
With that thought, Leticia picked up the paper and saw it.
"Oh?"
The paper was filled with crooked, densely written letters. But only one phrase stood out to her.
– I may have been a child who should not have been born. –
'Oh no… What have I done…'
Her heart trembled. As much as she wanted to deny it, those words were clearly written on the paper.
A child who should not have been born. To think Ian viewed himself this way…
Leticia was overwhelmed with guilt. All the wrongs were hers, yet the victim, her child, was blaming himself.
'Even after I treated him so cruelly…'
Ian had fought tirelessly for the family.
Overcome with disgust, Leticia covered her mouth with her hand.
She hated herself so much that she wished she could go back in time and punish her former self for neglecting her son.
"What have I done…"
Ian never asked for much. Not for overwhelming love, praise, or expensive gifts.
All he needed was…
'A single kind word.'
Yet she failed to give him even that, leading to this.
Tears streamed down her face uncontrollably.
The pain in her heart was so intense that she nearly collapsed, but she couldn't afford to.
Clunk!
"I-Ian…"
"Mother… why would you…"
Ian had returned to his room, looking at her with a mix of confusion and concern.
"This…"
As the paper she held slipped from her hand and landed at Ian's feet, Leticia hurriedly left the room, unable to face him.
***
Leticia's hurried departure left the atmosphere tense and fragile.
Seeing Ian's confusion, Neltalion trembled and cried.
– Ugh… Is this my fault? Because I left the paper? I'm sorry, Ian.
'No, you did nothing wrong.'
– But…
Neltalion hadn't done anything wrong. She had only tried to help.
(TLN: I'm going to keep Neltalion as 'she' for now…, but yeah, don't focus on the gender, it doesn't really have one…)
Even though she had left the paper behind, no one could have predicted Leticia would enter the room and discover it.
'Don't worry, you did nothing wrong.'
Ian patted Neltalion's head as he reflected on the recent events.
'But why the sudden interest?'
He was curious.
Why was Leticia, who had always been indifferent, now acting this way?
In the early days when he was ignorant of the secrets, he might have thought she wanted to apologize.
However, after discovering the secrets, Ian knew that neither Leticia nor Killain Volkanov were capable of such sentiment.
'When I learned the second secret, it seemed that the atmosphere in Ian's family had always been bad.'
When they used the Soul Branding Stone to make them hate him, Elysion had said:
'You'll live a harsher life than in this incarnation, one filled with indifference.'
This indicated that Ian's life had been miserable from the start.
After so many regressions without showing any interest in her son, why was she suddenly paying attention now?
Could it be because she saw him succeeding and wanted to cling to him? But that didn't make sense either.
Ian's image of covering the deceased Erzebeth, who would later become Empress, indicated a future where Erzebeth ascended the throne and Ian was by her side.
If Leticia had wanted to cling to him for his success, she would have done so then.
It's not about wanting to cling to me, nor was it about loving me originally…'
So what was it? Had her mindset suddenly changed?
Why had her heart changed?
Ian pondered endlessly while stroking Neltalion's head.
Bang!
"Why do these potatoes grow so quickly? Huh? Ian, what are you doing? Why are you sitting on the floor when there are perfectly good chairs?"
"Igor?"
Igor, with a towel over his wet hair, had just entered. Judging by the dirt on his pants, he had likely been harvesting potatoes just moments ago.
Igor was not the only one who came.
"Igor, how can you enter without even knocking?"
"While I was out rolling in the field in this cold weather, weren't you just working on paperwork? You don't know my suffering! I feel like I'm going to die from exhaustion!"
"Oh, come on… let's not fight. How about we all go eat? Ian, aren't you hungry? Let's go together!"
Eri and Lia also came to the room.
From the looks of it, it seemed like they were doing something else while he was talking with Raymond.
'Yeah. My head just didn't seem to be spinning.'
It would be better to eat and think.
***
The group headed to the family's dining room for their meal.
Though Ian had a strong desire to find a well-known restaurant nearby, there weren't many notable places within the Volkanov estate.
The mansion was located in Trishura, a neighborhood not particularly known for its culinary delights.
'There's really nowhere worth going around here. There's hardly anything to eat, anyway.'
At best, there were a few taverns…
Recently, dishes using potatoes had gained some popularity, but Ian didn't feel compelled to try them, knowing the type of potatoes they used weren't anything special.
The reason they had decided to eat at the family mansion was simple: this place boasted skilled chefs from other domains and the finest quality ingredients, making it arguably the best place to find food that was worth eating in all of Volkanov territory.
"I've never eaten at another family's place before, so I'm looking forward to it!"
"You're better off not getting your hopes up. Even in the North, nothing particularly special comes out."
"But I heard Lady Volkanov herself cooks the food? Wouldn't that make a difference?"
'Hmm… I doubt there's much difference.'
While Ian hadn't eaten elsewhere, he didn't expect any special treatment.
Of course, Leticia might surprise them with her unexpected skill in cooking, but even if that were the case, Ian remembered that even the diary didn't contain any praises about the food.
It seemed more like something they ate just to survive.
Most of the food was off-limits to him due to allergies. Even the things he could eat didn't warrant much praise from Ian.
Naturally, he wasn't expecting much.
'But still…'
There was no need to shatter their expectations.
How long had they been waiting? The maids started bringing out dishes from the kitchen.
Starting with a delicate shrimp soup, followed by a turbot cooked with seafood risotto and cinnamon sauce.
Finally, a well-prepared lobster was placed in front of them, and as the maid finished her greetings…
No one moved.
Everyone sat frozen, staring at the food in front of them. Leticia, coming out of the kitchen, looked perplexed.
"I made it in a rush, so it might be lacking… But please, enjoy."
However, no one could pick up their forks and knives.
"…"
Everyone froze, waiting for Ian's reaction.
Ian's mother must have known he couldn't eat seafood, yet she served these dishes.
But Ian couldn't disrespect the countess by pointing it out and asking for different food.
So, until Ian spoke up, Eri and Lia could only remain silent.
"Is this… the end of the meal?"
Of course, there was an exception.
Igor.
Though he was a viscount's son, having grown up among fiery combat peoples, he disregarded formalities towards superiors. He casually addressed Leticia.
"Ian can't eat seafood. How can you serve this? It's not like you're trying to kill the poor child…"
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