章節 75: Big Dick Energy Up in Here
My Goddess uses 'Psych, Seemed Like a Compliment, Actually an Insult!'
It is Very Effective.
I think I actually die for like .02 seconds.
"There isn't a bag big enough in this world," Nightfury shakes his head at Kara. "You could fill a spatial storage ring with his assholery, and you'd still have bits of jackass personality leftover."
As always, Nightfury revives me.
I strut over and clap him on the shoulder. "Aww. So you're saying I'm larger than life!"
He splutters, "What, no—"
"A giant among men!"
"I didn't—"
Hands on hips, I strike a superhero pose.
"The epitome of Big Dick Energy!"
"Fuck's sake," Nightfury grumbles, right before he tries to stab me in my big dick energy.
He doesn't have Arachne or Kara's precision though, so I easily side-step the danger. Little Lieu remains unscathed.
Nightfury doesn't seem all that surprised by my successful dodge. With a light sigh, he simply returns his knife to weapons storage. "Give it up, moron. Everyone's seen you in your skivvies. We all know exactly what kind of energy you're packing, and it's middling at best."
Ouch. Kinda wish he'd just stabbed me, to be honest. Think it might have hurt less.
Lialas has my back, though.
"Big Dick Energy is a state of being, my friend," he advises Nightfury. "My wife has BDE for days."
"Arachne has Bigger Dick Energy than anyone I've ever met," Taliesin adds.
"Facts," I agree.
Nanuk looks like he has A LOT of questions.
I casually up-nod at Kara. "Ms. Valkyrie over here might give her a run for her money, though."
Kara had been leaning against her spear with a bemused smile, seemingly enjoying the random idiotic banter, but at my comment, her violet eyes widen in surprise.
"Stabbing and electrocuting that groper in the Coliseum was classic BDE," I assure her.
The wicked, self-satisfied grin that flashes across her face is insanely hot and wholly terrifying.
"You noticed that?"
"Everyone noticed that," Lialas tells her, laughing. "Though until this moment, I didn't realize that was you. The live-stream didn't zoom in on you; they focused on the dumbass look the fried guy had when he was blasted into the air."
"I didn't have a great angle from the stands, either," Nightfury adds. "Classic move, though, mad props, Valkyrie." He sounds genuinely impressed.
Suddenly, Nanuk interjects, "NO BLOODY WAY!"
We all jump at the normally quiet shaman's random explosion. The dude hasn't said anything in a few minutes, so I'm not sure what he's even responding to.
Kara looks the most confused.
"Nan, you were sitting next to me. This isn't a surprise."
But Nanuk's not looking at her. He's staring at me like I've grown an extra head.
Considering my Fickle Fortune, I actually reach up to double-check I haven't spontaneously added an appendage.
When I verify it's all clear, I sigh in relief, then turn my questioning gaze on Nanuk. "What's wrong, dude?"
"IT'S YOU!" he cries.
"It's me!" I reply, mostly out of habit.
"Not this again," Nightfury moans.
"What are you on about, bro?" Taliesin asks.
"Only two people in that arena had a perfect view of Kara's strike. I didn't even clearly see what was going down, and I was right there. But Prometheus/Zhao Jianyu had the most direct, unobstructed perspective."
Nanuk's eyes narrow, and he steps closer to me.
"Him, and one other. The guy on the platform, center-stage. The bloody Beta Champion!"
He dramatically points at the Unique Emblem on my chest armor, so vastly different from the skull and scythe sigil on his and Kara's.
It takes a second for everyone else to catch up, but then pandemonium breaks out as everyone speaks at once, demanding to know if it's true.
Welp, the jig is up.
Luckily, I wasn't overly concerned about hiding my champion status from these peeps anyway.
I tune out the shock and awe from most of our Party, and focus on how this news affects Kara.
Her jaw drops, and she searches my face for the truth.
In response, I paste on my trademark smirk, handsign for Whistling Starfall, and repeat my Coliseum move by throwing the exploding dart at the base of a fallen log, blowing it sky-high. Then, in one smooth motion, I unsheathe my dagger and throw it at the mossy wood.
Just like last time, my blade sinks into the flaming log at the same time as Kara's perfectly thrown dagger.
Our eyes meet, matching roguish gleams lighting up our smirking faces.
"They're either perfect for each other," Lialas gushes, with a romantic sigh, "or they're going to destroy each other and burn the whole world down with them as they fall."
He honestly sounds equally enthralled by either prospect.
That's a man who reads a lot of shojo manga.
A pink flush prettily dusts Kara's high cheekbones, but I notice she doesn't outright deny Lialas' remark.
Instead she gives me The Look.
It's that Look with the knowing smile and the smoldering half-lidded eyes.
It's approval and challenge in one.
Instead of a definite "Yes," it's a "Let's see what you got; if it impresses me, then *maybe* you have a shot."
It's enough for me! I'll freaking take it!
I'm tempted to make a move immediately, but it hasn't escaped my notice that all of my best moments with Kara have been entirely unplanned, when I wasn't actively trying to impress her. And involved her seeing me as a badass gamer.
Guess it just became even more important for me to kick ass on these Nightmare Mode runs.
For now, I return The Look with my most confident grin, saunter over to the impaled log, retrieve both daggers, and use all the advanced dexterity my AGI affords me to twirl and flip Kara's dagger, before deftly catching the blade and gallantly offering her the handle.
"Nice shot," I compliment her.
"Nice flower," she counters, accepting the dagger and lightly tracing my Windflower with its point. My advanced Perception lets me feel the featherlight movement, even through my armor.
I forget how to breathe.
She's literally pointing a razorsharp blade at my heart, and it's the hottest, scariest thing that has ever happened to me.
Then she steps closer, bites her lower lip, and looks up at me through her long eyelashes.
I lose all remaining brain function.
Not even S-grade solution can help me now.
...
But good ol' Nightfury can.
A loud, hacking fake cough from Nightfury snaps me out of my haze. I don't know if he's trying to help or ruin the mood, but it's exactly what I needed.
I take a shaky breath. "You don't know the half of it," I finally reply.
(Seriously. Not only does my Emblem grant amazing bonuses, if she knew the damn thing was imbued with negative Luck, she'd probably be shocked...and laugh her ass off.)
"Guess you'll have to show me."
The challenge in her voice ignites my own competitive streak and brings me back to (almost) full mental power.
I lean forward, into the blade and therefore into her space. She looks mildly surprised, but as I anticipated, she doesn't back down. She simply readjusts the dagger so it doesn't stab me, yet, which I take as a good sign.
"Told you I wasn't boring," I remind her of our convo from the last time we met.
"Not yet," she acknowledges.
I cheer internally, and resist the urge to pump my fist.
"But I still don't know if you can keep up once the real show starts," she adds.
"Not a problem," I declare immediately.
"You sound sure."
"But of course." I grin and tilt my head down to whisper in her ear. "I AM the show."
A shiver travels down her spine, and she involuntarily jerks the dagger.
"Sorry!" she says, aghast, quickly pulling back, only to once more be surprised.
Her Red-tier dagger's no match for my Lvl 25 armor and insanely high defense. Instead of stabbing me through the heart like she feared, its limited durability depletes upon impact, and with a light tinkling sound, shatters into so much blue stardust.
"Sorry," I say, as the blue particles swirl between us.
"Awesome," she exclaims, violet eyes sparkling. "Is it weird that I now want to stab you with all my weapons, to see just how good your defense really is?"
"Is it weird that I find the fact that you asked that super hot?" I reply.
"Probably."
"My bad."
She grins. "And yet I don't seem to mind."
I grin back. "I can work with that."
"I swear to the Gods," Nightfury growls, "if you don't get your asses inside that Dungeon, I'm going to stab you both."
"Great, do it! More data!" Kara says.
'This woman is my soulmate,' I think.
創作者的想法 
Seshata
Seshata Shoutout to WTSBW for the inspiration for part of the opening joke sequence!
Warning to all: Any comment you leave may be appropriated by me, Chaotic Author God, at any time.
Also, I would like to take this time and posit my girl Serena Williams may have the Biggest Dick Energy of all. Not only did the tennis Goddess win her 23rd Grand Slam tournament (Australian Open) while PREGNANT, but way back when she a baby 9-year-old tennis player and her sister was the one getting all the hype, a reporter asked her which player she wanted to be like when she grew up. Her repsonse?
"I want other players to want to be like me."
Big. Dick. Energy.
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