/ Movies / Hp: The Outcast
摘要
It is a reboot of my old ff Hp: The secret heir. I am trying to remove many problems that I cause in that ff. I need to clarify this before any of you read. I don't write that well, so please try to be helpful and not lash out saying bad grammar. English is not my first language. You find something wrong, comment it and I will try to fix it.
標籤
-- 推薦票
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26評論
4.28
- 寫作品質
- 更新的穩定性
- 故事發展
- 人物形象設計
- 世界背景
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寫檢討
I'm a fan from your previous work (The Secret Heir) so i'm looking foward to see the changes. A mysterious first chapter, hope we can have a long story ahead
It started pretty good but when he started his music it got way too much focus and the story seemed to stagnate. It got too boring for me personally but maybe other people like 3 chapters with 80% song lyrics in it. If you ignore the music part it is a decent story with little flaws that can easily be improved upon
it was even acceptable, but it went to the bottom the moment he had his first interaction with Victoria Potter, with the story getting boring and weird... it's just confusing and boring
Can someone spoil me what exactly happened with Jon's mother and Tom Riddle? I don't care so just go ahead and spoil that secret. I will continue to read though.
[img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=coins][img=coins][img=exp][img=coins][img=coins][img=coins]😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫🤢
More chapter please ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
The story in general is not bad it's good the part that I liked the most was his lineage without a doubt, but the MC is very shallow in terms of character development, his first attempt at a conversation with strong emotions was quite forced but it improves over the course of the game story, one of the biggest flaws is the MC trying not to change anything, an example is he could have taken Tom Riddle's diary but he didn't, the MC seems to lack strong emotions and is kind of robotic but improves a little over the course of the story story, the character doesn't seem to have a backstory before he is reincarnated which I understand gets weird a 24 year old guy attracted to 14 year old girls, which can be fixed by having the MC die pretty early at the age of 13-15 years since it wouldn't make much difference but it's still a good story that you can spend time reading.
Nice novel and it seems to be well thought. I hope it last longer than others. Nice novel and it seems to be well thought. I hope it last longer than others.
this is too cringe for me [img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp][img=exp]
More chapter please ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Please continue the FF. Please continue the FF. Please continue the FF. Please continue the FF. Please continue the FF. Please continue the FF.
I like this FF please continue and please if possible update on the regular...................................................................
Look its kinda slow because of the distribution of content on the chapters but is also much better than the flash like speed that the first had. the thing of the change of the baseline reality (Canon) of the original was a nice touch just... in the first the relationship of the MC with Harry's sister was too much forced atleast in the first 20 chp of the original where i just stoped so dont know much about that but just make characters that have a bit of realism and dont mess up the blank characters that we have. the first was so bad at character design that i lost interest in 20 min. anyway you could expand the world more than the original harry potter it will be good. if you do that make things simple and "human" like basecally everything that made my experience less than desirable was better atleast for now all i see on this new version is a Harry potter fic with great potential and a autor with more vision and experience than the Last? Time so keep the good work i have great hope on this you so keep the good work[img=recommend]